My College Life...

[shykind]

I just transferred to a new college in the middle of the year, because I wanted the dorm experience and a "better" education. it's been a month and I still don't have a solid group of friends yet. This makes me depressed sometimes,(amongst other things) especially on Fridays and Saturdays when everyone is going out and I'm just the loser in the dorm. So, in an attempt to relieve myself of this depressed state, I turned to the one thing I said I would never do, smoking(cigarettes). If my younger self could see me, he would probably beat me senseless.

 

But there is hope, i think. there are some people in my class i think i could be good friends with. I will try to break out of my comfort zone and talk to them. There is also a girl in my dorm floor that i kinda like, not sure she likes me though; even though she gave me her number, and she keeps staring at me. When the new year hit I told myself that this was going to be one of the best years of my life. The year I finally get a girlfriend, have sex , love myself, and just have fun. Let's see how it goes.....

[shykind]

Really uneventful day. RA decided it would be nice to tell me that she doesn't see me with any friends, of course depression kicked in and i wanted to go for smoke, but i didn't Later today i have the same plans with the two girls, one of which i like, or i think i like, maybe i just like her for the sake of liking someone; i'm not sure yet. Hope i don't go into some sad state like last time, i hope she don't keep talking bout how she likes that f-ing boy like she did last time. I guess i will see how it goes...

[shykind]

Today(tuesday) was a pretty good day. I went out with a few people, laugh, and had fun. Meet someome from my highschool that goes here. I felt broderline depressed before i went out, so i took a smoke and felt great!! I didn't get jealousy or started feeling crappy, when i was around her; I think smoking might be my saving grace, which probably can't be good. Lol.

[DrKitten]

Be careful with those smokes. They were a vice for me in college too. They'll drain your bank account and really don't help you feel any better.

 

It takes some time to meet people, but it'll happen! Especially as you move further up in your program and get to know the people you continue to have classes with.

[shykind]

Thanks, you're right, especially in regards to smokes. "God"-forbid that i get addicted, how will i be able to afford cigs and ramen noodles on my lovely college budget.

[shykind]

Not sure what to do. my thoughts are clustered. I think she might like me but I'm still not sure, she seems jealous when I only say hi to her friend, she's always looking at me, she gave me her number; but I'm just not sure she likes. Maybe i should go after her friend, she is very cute. But i don't really want her, on first sight; that might change if i got to know her, cause she seems sweet. Then there is "Tiffany" who isn't the type of girl I would usually gone after, cuz she smoke, (that's how i got started smoking) but i'm attracted to her and I think i like her. She doesn't like me though, so, the best thing to do would be to drop to just drop her from my thoughts. which might be hard since i see her every Tuesday. I'm working on it though.

 

Tomorrow is Friday, another night when I'm alone in my dorm; being bored. Wish i had some friends in this place.

[shykind]

classes start again tomorrow. I've decided to go check out some other clubs on the campus this week, hope it turns out well. Those girls I thought were my friends, the ones i went out with every Tuesday might not be. I Think they might even hate or dislike me. So, perhaps it would be best if i just stop talking to them and by default, stop going to that club event.

 

I now have my eyes set on another girl in my class, she is so gorgeous, and I think she was checking me out Friday. I did make a move and started talking to her, nothing big, she asked me my name; now i focus on getting her number.

 

This week should be interesting in regards to what i do, and how i react to the things that will arise. I don't know if i can handle it if things go south, i tried to casual smoke today and was not feeling it for some reason. So my body might me done with smoking, which leaves me with no recourse when I'm feeling depressed.

[shykind]

My bodies is still in pain from MMA workout monday. I got a lot of school work to finish before end of week, I hope I can finish them all. And my wisdom tooth is starting to hurt like a mother-!! Great!

[shykind]

Thank whoever for the miracles of Advil, tooth pain be gone.

 

One of my classes was cancelled to day, which was a life saver because i didn't finish the essay, even thou i stayed up all last night. now i have till next Tuesday. why does college have to be so hard?

 

on a different note. I joined two new clubs this week one of which was debate, seen a girl there(of course) and i think she was checking me out. There was definite prolonged eye contact, i think she might of smiled when our eyes first met.

[shykind]

I feel as if something is wrong. This week seems to be ending strong. The clubs i join are cool, and I'm getting along great with other people so i should be making friends soon, i hope. But, I can't shake a weird feeling. I think i need a girl in my life; easier said than done. But, i think that if i had someone i could possibly be happier, I'm just ranting now. The girl's i want never seems to want me back, Lol. I'm joking, kinda. I don't know what to do. I think that might be the empty gap in my life, the absence of a significant other; Sigmund Freud would just have a feel day with me.

 

But, i must give credit where credit is due. I've almost broken out of my shyness(except in regards to women I like) and i approach people more often now(except in regards to women I like). So, that's some good news.

 

different note: This girl, lets caller her, "the first". She is so confusing; I think I have to go after her full force, so to speak, to really see if she likes me. sometimes she does things that makes me think that, sometimes not.

[Fudgie]

Hey skykind,

 

Hang in there! It will get better! It takes time to adjust to new places. I would reach out to those in your classes and get to know them. That's always the easiest way to meet people.

 

Watch out for those smokes though. If you don't want to get addicted, be careful. I would not smoke everyday and don't smoke when you feel down and want a pick-me-up. Don't associate smokes with feeling better. I've been smoking tobacco since I was 20, but I am not addicted. I only smoke occasionally when I drink alcohol and I have a cigar/hookah once in a while. I definitely don't smoke everyday, or even every week! Your wallet will thank you!

 

Girlfriends will come with time too. Be careful not to just go after any girl, talk to some, find some that you like and click with.

[shykind]

Hey skykind,

 

Hang in there! It will get better! It takes time to adjust to new places. I would reach out to those in your classes and get to know them. That's always the easiest way to meet people.

 

Watch out for those smokes though. If you don't want to get addicted, be careful. I would not smoke everyday and don't smoke when you feel down and want a pick-me-up. Don't associate smokes with feeling better. I've been smoking tobacco since I was 20, but I am not addicted. I only smoke occasionally when I drink alcohol and I have a cigar/hookah once in a while. I definitely don't smoke everyday, or even every week! Your wallet will thank you!

 

Girlfriends will come with time too. Be careful not to just go after any girl, talk to some, find some that you like and click with.

 

Thanks Fudgie.. this makes me a little feel optimistic

[shykind]

I went to one of my club meetings Saturday, which i wasn't going to attend. And after it was over everyone was talking and getting ready to leave. So, as i began to make my departure someone ask me if i would like to hang out with the group to get something to eat, and i accepted, they even invited me to a party.

 

I then realize that, even tho these guys weren't really my close friends, making friends is just a matter of time, and that goes of all other things in my life as well.

 

All things in good time.

 

So, i think i might get that as a tattoo over my spring break, which is coming up, that's if i don't get sick of it by then. or i might change it to: All good things in time.

 

we shall see.

[shykind]

I must expunge my emotions, less they eat me from the inside out. I walked by them as they spoke to some guys (one of which is involved in the club). They saw me, yet they said nothing. I never thought that we were the closet friends, but I thought that at the very least we were cool with each other. Why must people be so disgustingly fake?

 

I don't know what upsets me most. Whether it's because they ignored me (which really doesn't bother me that much), or whether it's because they're chilling with that guy now? and by "they", I mean she, cause i really don't care for that other girl. My emotions is off the wall, i don't even want to be me right now. Why am i letting people control my emotions to such a degree? I need to take control of myself. I probably should return to my old state of being mean, disrespectful, uncaring and destructive to others; because those seems to be the only things people respond to positively.

 

Thank theology that spring break as arrive and i return home tomorrow, amongst real friends, who don't act differently towards me when other people are around. Where i can recoup and clear my head. I seriously need the break. I think when I return from break I will show a different side of me; a side of me that very few know, but no one will want to experience.

[shykind]

I Got my first tatto.

[shykind]

I have to drop a class because there is no way I'm going to be able to get a decent grade in that class. My first "W", goodbye Standford law school

 

I'm upset i allowed myself to slip academically, that was my main focus coming here. yet again, i should of listen to my adviser and taken 12 credits instead of 15. Big mistake on my part, especially as a transfer. Maybe if i wasn't so focus on the socializing aspect of college, I could of done better.

 

All I can do now is my best in the other classes I have and hope for the best in 3-4 years.

[Fudgie]

A couple W's here and there isn't going to kill you. We all have a few and they are much better than a failing grade, that's for sure.

[MizzGee]

I know its harder said than done, but don't worry so much about your social life! People can sense that and sometimes it can come off as desperation. Just smile a lot, maybe join a sports team if your school does IM sports. If you assume people like you, that attitude will rub off on other people as confidence and eventually they'll want to get to know you. Trust me, I know those social insecurities all too well

Also, getting a gf will take time if you want to do it right... I've never been in a relationship (still going strong) and had my first kiss when I was 19 and drunk Not the greatest. But I've learned to not be so focused about having a bf and have instead worked on bettering myself, so that when I find the right guy, I'll be putting my best face forward

 

Also, if you think those girls really are ignoring you, ditch them! The great thing about college is that you don't have to hang out with people who are negative, unlike high school. Just continue being positive and friendly. Trust me, it works.

[shykind]

A couple W's here and there isn't going to kill you. We all have a few and they are much better than a failing grade, that's for sure.

yeah, you're right. But, i'm going to try to keep the W's at a minimum.

[shykind]

I agree with everything you said. I think i do need to focus more on making myself better like you said, trying to define me; what i like and don't like. gaining confidence and just being happy with myself. Wish I knew where to start though.

[shykind]

Went over to a group members house, with some other members. We all chat, we all drank and it was okay. there was a girl, from another group that I attend, there. I think I was interested in her, but she obviously likes another guy, also a member of one of my group/club. After all was said and done, came back to the dorms and another girl I was sorta interested in was holding some guys hand. LOL. This is just not a day/night of luck for me in the lady department.(it never is).

 

But, I will be okay. And I look forward to the days ahead to see what wonders and troubles they may bring my way.

[MizzGee]

Hey, just checking in to see how its going! And I'm glad you're trying to keep positive College can be so much fun and one of the best life-learning experiences when you let it be!

[shykind]

Hey, just checking in to see how its going! And I'm glad you're trying to keep positive College can be so much fun and one of the best life-learning experiences when you let it be!

 

Thanks for checking in, things have been going well lately, so much so that i can't find time to come write about it

[shykind]

Since last, my grades are almost back on track and my social life is doing well.

 

One occasion occurred where i was invited to do two separate things on the same day around the same time (go to a party, or see hunger games). I was thinking to myself, whoa! when I first came here i was so sad about being alone, now i have two invitations. I choose the party route which i kinda wish i didn't, different story, I'm over it. Girl problems, whats new, right?

 

I started to teach myself the guitar. it's very hard, harder that rock stars make it seem lol, but i like it and now i have a hobby.

 

I'm meeting my roommate for next year tomorrow, hope all goes well, and that he's better than the one i have now.

[shykind]

OK.. oK. First week back to college and quite of few things have happened.

 

First: New roommates, very cool, fun to hang out with. when to a few parties, had a lot of fun.

 

Important: Now, last semester there was this girl in my class, not sure if I tabulated about her here. Anyways, this girl is gorgeous, and I mean that in every sense of the word. When she walks into the room, cafeteria, library, whatever.. every guy is watching her, she is that good looking. Now, me-being-me thought to myself: no way you can get this girl, she is so far out of your league, you don't even have the confidence to approach her. Now, ladies and gents of entonalone who have the free time to read this, I proved myself wrong. Not to be mistaken, we are not dating, but I sure as hell approached her. I mustered courage and confidences where there was none and made my move. Granted she had a boyfriend the semester last, but that is no longer true. And now we speak regularly, though I am trying to pace myself, so as to play hard-to-get. But I just. might. have. a. chance. Not only am I proud of myself that I overcame an obstacle of shyness, but that I have some chance here, I might have "Game". Holy crap! who would of thought that the girl I was nervous as heck to approach would know my name, have my number, text me to meet up, wave to me in the dining area and come up to my Dorm Room(nothing happened). OH! Happy Freaking Day!

 

It would the appear the cosmos are aligning in my favor, cause this is nothing short of a miracle. This might be the best semester, yet. But let me not speak too quickly.