I have realized

[MissieP]

I have realized after thinking it over and hearing different response from other users that I shouldn't be sad anymore. I finally got my closure and yes it hurt because I have to realize he chose her over me and honestly there isn't anything I can do about it but I also have to realize Missie he was a jerk and very mean to you why would you even want him back? I ask myself that question everyday and I still don't know Maybe I liked how we shared the same taste in music or TV shows or maybe I liked how he made me laugh but he also made me cry. I keep asking myself he claims he has changed and maybe he has for the time being but I know all of his faults and I know every single one of his issues and I know someone cannot change overnight sure they can change for the time being but once all of that wears off the issues will still lie and their true selves will eventually come out because he did it to me. I never saw his " true" self until the honeymoon phase went away and his true self finally emerged. My point is this and this goes for anyone who is going through heartbreak do not blame yourself! Who is the loser in the game? The person who winds up with our ex. We all know what they are like and we know how they treated us and we know all of their issues and we know how they made us cry and do you think for one second they won't do the same thing to the new person? The answer is of course! Leopards never change their spots remember that I know it hurts believe me! Just be thankful you do not have to deal with them anymore and remember the new person has to deal with them now it is their problems now. Smile and be happy and one day I know we will forget our exes and it is okay to think about them from time to time that is perfectly normal!!!! We are all here for each other

[secondchance67]

Good for you MissieP!

 

Congrats on taking that next and most powerful step in your journey: accepting everything and moving on.

 

You have a very clear view of him now - you see him for who he REALLY is and the rose colored glasses are finally off, he is down of the pedestal, and you see him as the flawed, immature, damaged person her really is.

 

I believe 100% that these people never really change; they wear a mask for awhile, or the issues are dormant for awhile, but they ALWAYS go back to the old patterns of abuse, neglect and selfishness. People like this are so fundamentally screwed up that there is NO WAY for them to magically get "better" or even try to stop their insecurities and issues from returning and ruining another relationship.

 

It hurts us, as the people most recently affected by a person with some much baggage, to think that the next person will get the "perfect version" of our ex - that the new person in their lives was the catalyst for changes so desperately needed within themselves, we devalue ourselves in their eyes and build this new person (next victim) up to be the one that got their attention enough to change for.

 

The harsh reality is there never was, and never will be a "perfect version" of this type of person.

Never.

Ever.

Period.

 

Therapy may help them over time, but we all know they couldn't commit to us in a relationship, so committing to bettering themselves is out of the question.

 

You are free now - your posts show growth, maturity and a clear understanding of what you have been thru has made a stronger, healthier woman for the next lucky guy....and he will be LUCKY - because you have a big heart, and from your posts, it has the capacity to love, give love and be genuine.

 

Good luck wrapping this all up in your mind, stay strong and continue to believe that although this is hard, it is for the best .....you are on the home stretch now !!

[MissieP]

Thanks I just know you cannot fool someone ( like myself) and my ex telling me how good he is and how he has changed but I know I am a smart person and I also know no one changes overnight and anyone who says they are perfect and look at how perfect I am and look at how happy I am only a miserable person does that or a immature person because a mature person wouldn't e-mail me telling me how he is changed and how happy he is only a immature person does that and if he was so happy and his life is so perfect now would he be e-mailing me telling me how happy and perfect is life is? Nah........ Someone who is happy and life's perfect wouldn't even bother and wouldn't be contacting you. Closure is one thing but showing off and saying how perfect their life is with the new partner is another......