Girls Make it Challenging

[nastrow]

Anyone got any tips for getting girls out of your head? I always get focused on one girl and it's never really productive in the relationship, so recently I've been trying to not think about this girl I currently like, and I've been doing a pretty solid job. Problem is even though she's pretty much always really cute, she occasionally decides to clean herself up to the point where if I see her, at first I'll think it's just some random gorgeous girl. Then when I recognize her my emotions go from for a couple seconds, to for a while, until #-o. It's really frustrating, especially if for some reason I can't go up and talk to her when I see her like this. I've been doing really well but this issue really drives me crazy. It also occasionally happens when I get some of her really good FB pics in my newsfeed (that's actually what caused me to post this). It's nice to be friends with such a pretty girl but because I value her friendship so much (and suck at relationships) I'm being very careful moving the relationship forward. Thinking about her all the time doesn't help anything. Any help for when I see her looking amazing like this? Thanks.

[Scuza]

You gotta talk to her, man. If she's your friend, you should be able to talk to her whether she's looking her best, or her worst. You've got nothing to lose. Break out of that shell!

[Tom1990]

One idea when she's amplified her cute to 11 is...avoid her. I had a friend like that. I tried to get over it. I failed. We were cool when she was just being herself, but when she randomly dressed up and did stuff with her hair and makeup, I was a blithering idiot.

 

There's no reason to force yourself to acclimate to someone when emotions run hot. And there's nothing wrong with limiting your contact with a friend if there are other emotions in the way once in a while.

[nastrow]

@ Scuza - Thanks I'm working on it.

@ Tom - I think I would be fine talking to her like this, and I don't see this girl that much so I definitely don't want to avoid her. Like Scuza said I need to talk to her MORE.

Do either of you or anybody have advice for when I get her stuck in my head? This only happens if I don't talk to her.

[nastrow]

Anyone got any tips for getting girls out of your head? I always get focused on one girl and it's never really productive in the relationship, so recently I've been trying to not think about this girl I currently like, and I've been doing a pretty solid job. Problem is even though she's pretty much always really cute, she occasionally decides to clean herself up to the point where if I see her, at first I'll think it's just some random gorgeous girl. Then when I recognize her my emotions go from for a couple seconds, to for a while, until . It's really frustrating, especially if for some reason I can't go up and talk to her when I see her like this. I've been doing really well but this issue really drives me crazy. It also occasionally happens when I get some of her really good FB pics in my newsfeed (that's actually what caused me to post this). It's nice to be friends with such a pretty girl but because I value her friendship so much (and suck at relationships) I'm being very careful moving the relationship forward. Thinking about her all the time doesn't help anything. Any help for when I see her looking amazing like this? Also, I know I need to talk to her more and I'm working on that, so avoiding her is definitely not an option lol. My only problem is when I see her looking great but can't talk to her. Thanks.

[25something]

You should just go talk to her if you can, you never know she might just like you too otherwise you'll never know right? Another way to get her off your mind is to expand your dating pool and meet other woman who you find interesting too.

[Deciduous]

Hi nastrow,

 

How to get over a crush? Ah, if I had a nickel for every post that has explored that very question. I'm afraid evolution has designed us to obssess relentlessly on those that take our fancy. So good luck fighting evolution on that front. I think your energies would best be placed in feeling comfortable talking to women.

 

When some-one goes to an important interview, they rarely rock up, unrehearsed, unprepared and displaying an acute lack of confidence. They usually have lots of practice beforehand to get their confidence up. And if they are not feeling confident, they relentless work on it by practicing their interview techniques and setting up a few mock interviews. In other words they do not tell themselves that they have no control on how they come accross. They have plenty of control. It all depends on how much work they are willing to put in to strengthen those areas in which they lack confidence.

 

You won't be surprised to learn that the best way to become confident in speaking to women is to Speak to Women Set yourself targets. You will swap general pleasantries with four women a day. Chat briefly to the women serving at deli counter, casual acquaintances at your work place, at your college, at the petrol station, the street collector, collecting for abandoned tortoises. Any-one and every-one. It will not be terribly pleasant to start with, it may seem forced as make a few general comments about the weather, that difficult term paper - BUT IT WILL GET EASIER. It will become second nature. Look upon it as your own learning seminar.

 

If you wanna learn how to play the trumpet, you have to expect to make a few bum notes. Go out, make your bum notes. You will get better. You will grow more comfortable. You will learn how to speak to women. Eventually you will come to realize that many of them are even more shy and unsure than you are. Pass a few general pleasantries, get that jaw loosened, let your brain get used to the experience. Practice, practice, practice.

 

When the time comes to speak to your latest crush, do not fantasize beforehand that she is a perfect goddess without any flaws, and you are merely an unworthy suitor. Neither of these statements are true. She has major flaws and bad habits, many of which drive her friends and family crazy. They'd you crazy if you got to hear of them. Remember that. In other words she is a human. Bring her down to that level. The level where all of us actual human beings reside, with our feet of claw and random insecurities. She's got 'em. You've got 'em. Makes you human. Be friendly and relaxed.

 

Repeat to yourself....Your self esteem does not hang on whether she finds you acceptable. You barely know the woman. Your self-esteem hangs on whether you find yourself acceptable...and a major boost to your self esteem would be to slowly and painfully learn how to become comfortable speaking to women.

 

It's a right of passage that we all go through. All of us. Including us girls who stare at the boy we fancy, whilst giving him no indication what-so-ever that we fancy him - you know, just in case he rejects us. We are a crazy, crazy species. You are no different to the rest of us when making those initial steps towards the other sex.

 

And so endeth the lesson

 

Good luck

 

Deci xx