SmilingKatty Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 I am crying while typing this. I found out, that he deleted me from his contacts on facebook. It has been 6 weeks after the break up, but still this made me cry terribly and I feel like this is the first day. The funny thing is, that I don´t even know, when did this happen, it could have been anytime between the break up and now. I never post any personal stuff and only couple of times a week, so why then? He could have just blocked me or something instead of making such a "statement". I feel, that this is finally the end of everything. I feel stupid for hoping and for being forthcoming couple of weeks ago. I hope, that my hope is dead forever. I never want to feel this kind of disappointment again. How do I manage to go to work tomorrow...? So people: learn from my experience and delete the ex from facebook first! Link to comment
lanaa Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 it gets better my ex deleted me too,i am over it,it helped me i still feel bad but i am sure it would feel worse if i knew i had him there on fb Link to comment
SmilingKatty Posted January 30, 2012 Author Share Posted January 30, 2012 Maybe it shouldn´t get better: this feeling of finality is probably the healthiest feeling I had since after the breakup. Why such a "statement"!?! Why didn´t I notice earlier? I could have had it behind me weeks ago... Link to comment
SmilingKatty Posted January 30, 2012 Author Share Posted January 30, 2012 Thank you for the support Link to comment
lanaa Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 he wants maybe a reaction from you? but do not react,stick to nc Link to comment
Fantanos Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 Things get better, these is nothing you can do to change it... you need to move on and take tomorrow as a new day. No no matter how much you worry tomorrow is going to come and you need to go on with life. Someone new will come along. I freaked out when my ex and I broke up... I felt like I would never meet anyone else and it will be years until things were normal. A few weeks after our break up I started talking to a girl I meet and things have sparked a little over the past few weeks. Sure I am not over my ex but I feel good knowing that I worried it could be a year or longer yet in a few weeks I feel a lot better. Who knows, maybe this new girl will really work out? Things always happen when you least expect it. Link to comment
nhisname2002 Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 While it may hurt, it's probably for the best. One thing that this generation has, is a much more different type of 'breakup' than people used to have years ago. With all the texting, FB, MySpace, etc., it's very hard to get any distance from the other person and for me, it would be very difficult. But again, I said different type, not more or less difficult. Link to comment
The Mouse Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 dont regret not deleting him first. youve done nothing which means youve done nothing wrong. your 3 month plan is still a good personal goal to aim for. 6 weeks is nothing.......6months is nothing either. Makesure your facebook is completely private so he has no access, men naturally become more curious i believe than woman, this wont be the last you hear from him. You dont know what his motives where in deleting you....perhaps he was looking to get a reaction. dont give him it. Personally i got facebook a month after we split up (5 months ago) to keep in contact with friends while i was travelling. My ex knows i have it, i know she uses it but ill never want to look at hers as i know i wouldnt like it even completely innocent, its perhaps not a bad thing not to be friends with each other. Your still in the very early stages, silly things will upset you, thats where a bit of distance will help. Keep your chin + kleenex supplies up! Link to comment
SmilingKatty Posted January 30, 2012 Author Share Posted January 30, 2012 I have deleted him as well, after I found out. I am just so terribly disappointed in myself: only this has showed me how much did I hope for reconciliation. Stupid! It seems, that I never learn and let myself be hurt over and over. I don´t want to spend another year of my life hoping for something, that will never happen! For me the facebook "connection" was sign of things being unproblematic. That it would be possible to pretend, when accidentally meeting, that we are more or less "OK". It really feels like a slap into my face. He was the one deciding to break up, so why....?!?! Or maybe there is new girlfriend and he wants to be nice to me by hiding her.... I have lots and lots of kleenex! And I think I have just now found a reason to go on with life: just to show him, that he cannot hurt me by anything he does. Link to comment
Peteykav Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 Coming from the Guys perspective here.. I deleted My ex from facebook it wasnt that i didnt care about her, I was devastated. I knew if i was to see her talking and flirting with some1 i would break down..Honestly its the best thing iv ever done. Got Over her. She is with some1 else now and It doesnt bother me at all.. I know at this moment you feel like your world has been destroyed, But in a few weeks / months your gonna feel fine and you will look back and laugh at this facebook drama. Link to comment
SmilingKatty Posted January 30, 2012 Author Share Posted January 30, 2012 It would be actually "great" if it was a girlfriend: than all his words about not being prepared for a dedicated relationship would turn out to be lies. The more he hurts me, the more free I can be. I hope... Link to comment
john4354 Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 I had my ex on my FB page, it was terrible, I kept seeing what she was up to, who she was out with, it was just rubbing salt into the wound, I wasn't getting over her. I have now blocked her. I think when a relationship ends and you have been hurt, you just need to cut all ties with that person. to heal Good Luck Link to comment
SmilingKatty Posted January 30, 2012 Author Share Posted January 30, 2012 Coming from the Guys perspective here.. I deleted My ex from facebook it wasnt that i didnt care about her, I was devastated. I knew if i was to see her talking and flirting with some1 i would break down..Honestly its the best thing iv ever done. Got Over her. She is with some1 else now and It doesnt bother me at all.. But were you the one who has chosen to leave? I think this is exactly what I should have done, being the one who was left. Not him! Anyway: no flirting on facebook for me: it is too public I know at this moment you feel like your world has been destroyed, But in a few weeks / months your gonna feel fine and you will look back and laugh at this facebook drama thank you It will be months, if I get lucky. It is difficult for me to let go, when the other left when I still felt strongly. It is quite humilitating for me, when I compare the lenght of relationship and the time it takes me to get over it... Link to comment
SmilingKatty Posted January 30, 2012 Author Share Posted January 30, 2012 I had my ex on my FB page, it was terrible, I kept seeing what she was up to, who she was out with, it was just rubbing salt into the wound, I wasn't getting over her. I have now blocked her. I think when a relationship ends and you have been hurt, you just need to cut all ties with that person. to heal Good Luck You are right, thank you. I intentionally did not go to FB often and I considered ignoring him. I know that what happened is the healthies solution. And I don´t ever need to feel regrets, because it was not me, who cut the ties completely. But I did not thought of deleting him myself, just because it would feel like too much of a negative statement. The fact, that HE has done it hurts a lot. Link to comment
Aqua066 Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 This is the exact reason why people need to defriend their ex on facebook right away. You want them to see that you have moved on and if they take it the wrong way it doesn't matter. They'll get over it believe me. Being nice and hanging around after a breakup will get you NOWHERE. You don't need to see them or see what their up to... It's only going to hurt anyway... and them not being able to see you is only going to build their curiosity. People need to stop walking on eggshells with their exes. It amazes me how worried people are about upsetting someone who sh$t all over them. They will only respect you when you stand up for yourself and move on with your life. The good news is that you can use this as the final nail in the coffin so to speak. Yes it hurts now but you can use this as fuel to move forward with your life and get over him for good. Stay busy and put 100% on you and healing. Whatever you do stay NC (for you benefit). Good luck Aqua Link to comment
SmilingKatty Posted January 30, 2012 Author Share Posted January 30, 2012 The good news is that you can use this as the final nail in the coffin so to speak. Yes it hurts now but you can use this as fuel to move forward with your life and get over him for good. Stay busy and put 100% on you and healing. Whatever you do stay NC (for you benefit). Good luck Aqua Thank you I wrote about it at the beginning of the thread - that it feels like all the hope has just died, which is terrible, but healthy. I hope it will last more than a short moment! Link to comment
mrtango Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 I had my ex on my fb friend list. After 2 months I decided that it was too unbearable to see her with other men. So I defriend her just to preserve myself from actual and future pain. So I think it is good for you. Anyway, you must cut all your contact with him to heal. Stick to NC for your own sake. Disappear from his world. It's my humble opinion. It helped me a lot... I hope you will get better... Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 Sorry about that. Personally I would delete/destroy any record of an ex from FB the second you break up with them. Getting dropped off a FB friends list later would be pretty tough I'd imagine when you see that they have their fifth cousin Mary on their contact list, which they haven't seen or spoken to since they were 5 years old. Link to comment
SmilingKatty Posted January 30, 2012 Author Share Posted January 30, 2012 Thank you all! I will disappear. But the time is coming, when we will have to meet anyway, because of friends we have in common. I cannot hide and avoid social activities and places indefinitely. Actually, I do not know, when exactly I was "dropped off": it could be anytime between the break up and now. But it does not (should not1) matter. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 But it does not (should not1) matter. Not even in the slightest! It's always a shock when you realize that it really is over. Perfect time to start moving on! Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 It is probably to get a reaction. Just keep moving on now. Try moving over to the healing forum. Link to comment
SmilingKatty Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 It is probably to get a reaction. Just keep moving on now. Try moving over to the healing forum. Thank you, I will try - it´s time to do it. And so all you know how irrational, stupid and undisciplined my mind is: it took less then 24 hours to loose the feeling of "it is DEFINITELY OVER". Now I feel more or less the same as before. Urgh! The only exception: I am too offended by this to ever contact him again. But the stupid hope is still there. What else do I need to get rid of it forever?!? So I really need to remember and be deeply aware of this: It was a gesture. It meant, that he does not want to have anything to do with me. He could have blocked me without me knowing. This was to LET ME KNOW what he wants. It is HIS choice. Cannot do anything about it. It is a waste of time to think about it. It was a gesture to make me see. And repeat it over and over again! Link to comment
Lastchallenge Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Its better in the long run. Take a deep breath, go out with a friend and start to enjoy the things in life. Ady first its hard but I assure you that you will surpass this Link to comment
SmilingKatty Posted February 1, 2012 Author Share Posted February 1, 2012 Thank you! It is quite strange: it was easy the first couple of weeks, but now it is getting more and more difficult, unfortunately. I hope this will pass too! Good luck to everyone! Link to comment
SmilingKatty Posted February 6, 2012 Author Share Posted February 6, 2012 A week has passed, so I thought about updating this thread. The first couple of days after my "facebook discovery" were pretty good: I felt relieved, calm and done with him. I even met an old aquitance, whom I feel attracted to. But now, the feeling of definitiveness has left me and I feel like I did before, waiting for him to contact me. HOW DO I STOP IT?!? The only change, which the whole episode has brought, is following: I have realized, that I cannot influence him in any way. Any contact from my side would be useless (and what is worse) humilitating. I hope, that at least the decision to avoid further humiliation will last more than couple of days. But even if it does it only makes me feel hopeless and I hate it. These days I am thinking a lot about meaning of my life in general and I wish so much I could share it with him. I think, that important decisions are coming and I feel like he is the one who would understand me most. But even if we talked, what would that bring? Only an empty feeling... Anyway: wish you all the best in the post breakup journey towards recovery! Link to comment
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