bananashake Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 we broke up 7 weeks ago after a terrible argument. I said some pretty hurtful, but true, things to him during the argument. He dumped me and changed his number, hence, no contact 7 weeks. We were together 18 months. Just saw on his exgf facebook page that they are back together. And today he sent her flowers. Nice. I was with him 18 months, she was only with him for 3. I bought his kids soooo many things - bikes, toys, clothes. And I did the nicest things for him - randomn things, like, an unexpected card or box of candy, a love note in an unexpected place for him to find, etc. I was a shoulder, an ear, a very supportive gf and he was very reckless with my emotions. During the big argument that lead to the breakup, I just snapped and let it all out. Anyway, I once mentioned to him that I am always doing the most thoughtful and considerate things for him. That it would be nice if, once in a while, he would show some sort of appreciation. He said "what do u mean, flowers or something?" I said anything at all!! He then said he doesn't do flowers, jewlery, or any gift that is very expenive anymore, because he's done "the flower thing" with past girlfriends and "it got me nowhere". I accepted his rationale and continued to do my nice gestures, never getting anything in return. And now he is sending flowers to his ex. An ex that he USED to send flowers to and "it got me nowhere". I was one helluva gf and never once got flowers, or anything. What gives? Why me? Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 I'm so sorry... However, let this be a lesson never to do more for someone else than they are willing to do for you. Despite his lack of effort... AND telling you about his reason for his lack of effort... YOU continued to do nice things for him. It was your choice and you are indeed a very nice person for putting yourself out there but you turned yourself into a doormat for this guy. Why would he work any harder than he had to? You set the bar pretty low for him and accepted it. Remember - you set your value... Big hugs and there are lots of other men out there worth finding than trying to hold onto this one... Link to comment
bananashake Posted January 27, 2012 Author Share Posted January 27, 2012 Yup. I'm a giver. He has some serious baggage - 2 divorces, 2 baby mama's (one child was a result of adultery). He warned me about his "emotional baggage" when he asked me out. I thought with some love and patience, he will come through. Guess not. Link to comment
BlueEagle Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 Just saw on his exgf facebook page that they are back together. And today he sent her flowers. Nice. I was with him 18 months, she was only with him for 3. I bought his kids soooo many things - bikes, toys, clothes. And I did the nicest things for him - randomn things, like, an unexpected card or box of candy, a love note in an unexpected place for him to find, etc. I was a shoulder, an ear, a very supportive gf and he was very reckless with my emotions. During the big argument that lead to the breakup, I just snapped and let it all out. Sounds like your resentments about him that were bottled up for so long finally came exploding out. It is not uncommon at all. Did you two have difficulties communicating, or worse, was communication nonexistent? I know in my case problems from both me and my ex-girlfriend would come out during fights which in reality should have been long addressed before getting to that point. It's a product of poor communication skills. Assumptions and misunderstandings take the place of healthy, loving, two-way communication. Anyway, I once mentioned to him that I am always doing the most thoughtful and considerate things for him. That it would be nice if, once in a while, he would show some sort of appreciation. He said "what do u mean, flowers or something?" I said anything at all!! He then said he doesn't do flowers, jewlery, or any gift that is very expenive anymore, because he's done "the flower thing" with past girlfriends and "it got me nowhere". I accepted his rationale and continued to do my nice gestures, never getting anything in return. I'm sorry to read that he wouldn't give flowers, or other gifts to you. That's just inconsiderate. If he's so worried about gifts being too expensive then why not make you a card and write some thoughtful, caring words? It's very genuine and heartfelt. I only wish I did that with my last ex instead of the one before who didn't seem to appreciate, or at least know how to show it. I know my last girl would have loved it. Anyhow, why he couldn't he at the very least just say nice things to you about how he cares about you, appreciates you, cherishes you, etc.? It's one thing to be clueless and ignorant about things like this -- I might be able to give him a pass on that, but the fact that you brought it up and he was uncompromising and proceeded to tell you it "got him nowhere" (What does that even mean? Gifts are only to lead to sex?) shows incredible rudeness on his part. And now he is sending flowers to his ex. An ex that he USED to send flowers to and "it got me nowhere". I was one helluva gf and never once got flowers, or anything. What gives? Why me? Because he's probably trying to get in her pants with this because he knew that how much a sweet gesture like that meant a lot to YOU. Don't blame yourself; you did nothing wrong. It sounds like he's rebounding back to his ex because he doesn't want to be alone and hoping for sex from her. I was in a similar situation where my now-ex was bringing up problems with her own ex getting angry and jealous at her because he saw pictures on Facebook of us together and how's he's bothering her but he had a cop involved calling her (I know, strange!). There's more to the story than I'll never know, but she soon was sniping at me and I bit my tongue for so long until my resentments came out and we had a big fight. We seemed to have patched things up, but two weeks later she's going on about this ex of her's and how he put a restraining order on her and how he's lying and it's bothering her and telling me how every detail of how she met him and what occurred. Well, everything snowballed and we fought and it soon ended. She married him three months later. Yep, to the same guy who put a restraining order on her. Very bizarre. I suspect they were together while she was with me or soon after in order to plan a marriage in such a short amount of time. My gut instinct was right that something was wrong when I had to keep hearing about this ex of hers if she really didn't care about him in the first place. I felt like I wasn't even her boyfriend but looking in from the outside of her and him. Anyways, my point to you is this guy doesn't deserve you. You can do much better and I'm quite sure you'll find a guy who appreciates you and won't trample on your good nature. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 Yup. I'm a giver. He has some serious baggage - 2 divorces, 2 baby mama's (one child was a result of adultery). He warned me about his "emotional baggage" when he asked me out. I thought with some love and patience, he will come through. Guess not. Never, ever think you will be the exception to the rule. if there are red flags, pay attention! Cats is right! You gave way too much. The relationship should be reciprocal Link to comment
bananashake Posted January 27, 2012 Author Share Posted January 27, 2012 thanx everyone. I secretly hope his future gf's won't do jack for him or his kids. And then he will see how wonderful I was. lol Link to comment
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