New school term / Maintaining NC

[SilverSurfer]

Hello everybody,

 

A little background... I dated my ex for nearly 8 months and I broke up with her in May. I had my reasons for ending the relationship, and these arose out of my ex's emotionally abusive nature. It was a very bad breakup and she appeared to have handled it better than I did. I don't think I've completely healed, and at times I still have feelings of anger over what she did, our fights, and the terrible things she would say to me.

 

We're both in the same university, it's not a big school, and being foreign students there, we tend to keep roughly the same social circle of friends. Term starts in 2 weeks, and it would be impossible to maintain the NC. Things would be so much more straightforward if I were no longer angry with her.

 

Within the weeks following our breakup, I tried hard to knock myself out of the depressive state I was. I had some success and tried to rekindle a friendship with her. I knew that any chance of us getting back together was nil; I didn't want to tolerate her abuse any longer. Yet I know I still love her, and the harder I tried to forget her as a person, the harder it became to resist thinking of her. If its possible, I would like to love her from a distance, without the boundaries of relationship. Just her knowing that I sincerely care for her but am not seeking a relationship with her.

 

I'm not sure if I should try rekindling the friendship with her. I tried it once, and it lasted 3 days. She ended it with another of her abusive outbursts.

 

It's probably healthier for me if I stayed on NC. But that's not going to happen with the new term. What should I do when I see her face to face? I can't hold a normal conversation with her; yet I don't want to brush her off. What should I do?

[hockeyboy]

what did she do/say that was so abusive?

[lunatic]

Just say the most basic things. Hello and good-bye and stay away from talking too much about yourself. Be civil but, not too nice. You have to deal with her during school hours and I would make it as comfortable as possible for you.

 

In other words be the mature person about the whole thing...

 

Good luck and I do know how much this situation stinks.

 

Hubman 8)

[SilverSurfer]

hockeyboy,

 

it's quite hard to describe abuse, but through her actions she always wanted near total control over the situation. if she didn't get it, she would throw a fit and start saying things she would later claim she didn't mean to say them. i get blamed for things i didn't do, for things i should have don but didn't do but didn't know i had to do because we never talked about it -- she said she didn't like to talk for long over relationship issues.

 

at the end of it all i was walking on eggshells the whole time. not knowing when she would blow up. not knowing for what reason. i was expected to absorb the anger whenever it happened regardless of the reason. it kept on happening, sometimes even twice a day.

[SilverSurfer]

hubman,

 

i keep on telling myself that that is the right way to do it, but i keep playing out in my head how i would react should i meet her, and those feelings of anger and distrust keep jumping out of my head. but i don't have any other choice in this matter i suppose.

 

perhaps after a few meetings she will then decide to ignore me.

[lunatic]

Edudlooc13 my avitar is a picture of a fire I fought last year. If you did not figure out that I am a fire fighter already. It is not meant to be morbid, I just thought it looked cool and btw no one got hurt at this fire.

 

SilverSurfer,

 

The worst thing you can do is let her know that your bothered by her presense. You have to keep your chin up and don't let her see you sweat. I would keep your conversations to hi how are you and goodbye. You don't owe her anymore than that.

 

P.S. I know how hard it is because I work with my ex and I was the FOOL that got her the job. I never poop where I eat but, I made an exception for her that I have learned to regret. Listen let it go and never show her that you are hurt or mad at her. Make her think that the break up is the best thing that has happened to you. Even if it is not the truth, just make her believe that you feel that way.

 

Good luck and I hope you don't see her too much around your university.

 

Hubman 8)