why do girls like jerks

[wlfpack81]

Though I posted before in this thread but guess not. Sooner you guys realize it's no use the better off you'll be. Either convert to the "dark side" (geek analogy I know) and get women or stay true to yourself and accept being with your right (or left) hand for the rest of your life. Choice is up to you.

[SkyFire]

Girls go for jerks over nice guys. Always. Until they reach 30's.

 

It is because most "nice guys" make the girl their top priority. They shower them with presents and attention, and appear clingy and desparate, which is a huge turn off for both guys and girls.

 

The jerks never do this. For them it is about what THEY want, not what the girl wants. The girls like the challenge and go for the jerks.

 

I, personally, am neither. I am respectful to all people who are respectful to me. But, I will not take any disrespect from guys or girls. I never put girls on a pedestal. If they disrespect me, I never let them get away with it.

[drahcir]

Its important not to overgeneralize. Some girls like "jerks" and some don't. Also, even among girls who do like "jerks" there are some who like moderate jerks, some who like extreme jerks, and some who want a vacation to spend time with a "jerk" for a while, but then go back to do called "nice guys." So not only can you not overgeneralize about girls in general, one shouldn't overgenarize about any particular girl because people change thier opinions and preferences over time.

[tea]

Skyfire. i never liked a jerk before and I'm only 21.

 

my first crush when I was in 5th grade wasn't even for the post popular guy in school who just happens to be in my class. My first crush was the super nice guy next to me who wouldn't let me look at his porn books and picked out my lunchbox then carried them to me during luck.

 

I always had a thing for nice guys.

 

It takes just one case to counter your girls like jerks argument. Really, not all of us do.

[Caldus]

To the "nice guys"...

 

Forget about it. The more you try and come up with a theory behind it all and the more you simply just think about this topic, the more frustrated you will become. Here's something that I think is very important to note:

 

Let's make up some categories:

A. Someone who appears as the type of guy that a girl wants to be with (you guys are claiming "jerks" belong in this category).

B. Someone who appears to not be this type of guy (you guys are claiming the "nice guys" belong in this category).

 

This is always the case:

A girl's perception of Category A will be different then another girl's perception of Category A. Yes, a girl's perception of Category A may be the type of guy who tends to carry some characteristics of what you guys call a "jerk". And then their perception of Category B may not neccessarily be the exact opposite which means that they may settle for someone that seems to carry some characteristics of Category A. Everyone is different though and that's what should become a relief for any person when they are trying to find the right girl (or if a girl is trying to find the right guy). The dating game for most people is like trying to find a lost child in an amusement park. It may take many tries or it may just take a few tries. But the point is that you continue to move on and try others even after you get rejected. If you think you got rejected because she doesn't like your type, then forget it. The relationship would've sucked anyway. We all want a good relationship.

 

So I think it has a lot to do with perception (not neccessarily actual physical appearance). Everyone is raised differently and everyone experiences life differently so yes there will be people who will perceive you as Category B but who gives a crap about them? You're just looking for that one girl who thinks you are at least pretty close to their Category A.

 

I hope this helps.

[winkie]

I am going to have to guess that you are in High School? Or maybe first couple of years of college with a question like that. The reason girls like boys like that is simply for the challenge. The point of never knowing what will happen next. When you get older you grow out of it. Me being a 29 yr old female. Alot of girls who date these kinds of guys are usually very striaght (meaning pretty innocent) and the guy kind of gives them a false feeling of being a rebel, living dangerously. It really goes back to the whole challenge factor. Although, I must rephrase not all girls grow out of that. Sometimes they like the drama.

 

Good Luck

[69_king]

Holy Cr@P, Why didn't I figure this out 5 years ago! I never got it! Girls want some guy that doesn't care about them, just wants sex, treats people like dirt because its all part of some f@#$ed up game thats being played with their hormones and subconscious mind.

 

It proves my theory that nice guys finish last!

 

I can't get a job because I'm too honest.

This bastard keeps beating me at golf because he cheats and I don't.

I can't get a girlfriend because I'm too nice.

 

Oh my god, it all makes sense now! I'm looking for a nice girl but they never seem attracted to me. The only girls that seem attracted to me are the bad, sl\/tty ones because maybe this is some kind of reverse challenge. They want to turn me BAD!!

 

Ok, so now I have to let some nasty girl take advantage of me and turn me bad and then I will be able to get the nice girl!

[tea]

*sweat drop* That's a positive way to think. o_O keep it up.

 

... not all girls go for jerks. ... I never went for any jerk. *yawn* girls don't fall for jerks. it's just that jerks are mostly more confident with themselves and LESS NEGATIVE. ever thought that could be an issue? -_- All these pessimistic people I talked to today have one thing in common: Everything that happened to them is someone else's fault and they can't change who they are or do stuff they dont' want to do because that's just who they are.

[Celadon]

Yeah, a positive attitude is very attractive, I agree, Tea. So is putting a relationship in the right perspective.

 

I talked to someone today who was angry and feeling sorry for himself that he's not in a relationship. I have felt the same way at times, but it surprised me to hear him say it, because it came off sounding so ... bad, I guess. Like life owed it to him to give him a relationship. It made me think of how I sound when I moan about being single -- not very good, I think. Certainly not attractive.

 

Nothing wrong with being honest about being frustrated, of course, but it might help to know that you can be happy and single too. Really. I mean, we might as well TRY to be happy even though we're single. Most of us have friends, family, work or school, possibilities in life, food and shelter, entertainment, etc.

 

One thing's for sure, no one wants to date someone who goes around saying how unhappy he or she is. (That's a general thought, not directed to anyone on this board.) Anyway, just my opinion.

[69_king]

One thing's for sure, no one wants to date someone who goes around saying how unhappy he or she is. (That's a general thought, not directed to anyone on this board.) Anyway, just my opinion.

 

I don't know, some people might feel the need to help someone like that and might want to try to make them happy. Then again, I wouldn't suggest that as a strategy for trying to attract someone. But it could work with some people.

[Mun]

I believe that anytime we go about doing something and we have a negative attitude we are less likely to succeed. I don't think anyone ever climbed a mountain who first thought to herself " I know I can't do this, I am going to fail so I should just go home" Nobody has ever achieved something by giving up.

 

The attitude we take is as important as our ability to do something. Its the difference between succeeding and not succeeding but saying " I will try again tomorrow." Winners don't give up or blame others. ( I sound like a sports coach )

 

And just a personal opinion here : anytime I hear a man say "women only like/date jerks" it makes me think this guy has a very low opinion of women. It's the same as if a woman said " men only like hot women with no brains" ... we are trashing the very gender we want to attract. How appealing is that?

[69_king]

apparently its because of some primitive subconscious inborn urge going back to when we were all apes and for some reason it was the ape who banged his chest loudest who was the best candidate for reproduction. Just like why guys like girls with large boobs because they had the best facilities for bringing up the young.

 

its inborn and we can't control it (at least its really difficult)

[Caldus]

apparently its because of some primitive subconscious inborn urge going back to when we were all apes and for some reason it was the ape who banged his chest loudest who was the best candidate for reproduction. Just like why guys like girls with large boobs because they had the best facilities for bringing up the young.

 

its inborn and we can't control it (at least its really difficult)

 

 

[Mun]

Are you saying that nice and shy guys don't reproduce? That is kinda funny you know.

 

My sister is married to a nice guy and my friends are married to nice guys. So I don't believe women like jerks. At least not women of substance. I know personally I wouldn't waste my time with a jerk.

 

I guess if you find that the girls you like .. like jerks... then maybe you should re-evaluate your taste in women. Would you honestly want a girl who goes for jerks? Thats not a very smart woman in my book... she needs help.

 

We should start looking within ourselves and working on ourselves to change things instead of focusing the blame on someone else. Blamming others is the easy way out. Doing something about it takes some work, but it brings results.

 

Love

[7CardStud]

I will always remain that Girls like Jerks because most of them are brought up to be 'perfect' and something out of there comfort zone is a turnon?

 

 

 

Oh well..

 

Sometimes

 

Nice Guys, meet Nice Girls... And Nice things happen

[TakeitAway]

It is a tad frustrating though. I work with an amazing girl who plays of my personality like i key fits into the right lock. I'm attracted to her, and she's made it pretty obvious that she likes me as "more than a friend" (curse those words...) If you havent seen where this is going yet, here it is. She has a boyfriend of about 1.5 years now. He's a jerk, but he's the guy who found her first. Not the first time this has happened to me. So for those of you who think sitting back and waiting for the right one to come is the right idea, whether or not your a wimp, a nice guy, yada yada yada, be careful...the "right girl" is the right girl for a reason, and 2/2 times (for me anyways) she's taken...but that hasn't slowed me down one bit

[Mun]

I'm seeing a trend here and so I wonder :

 

Do any guys ever think their girlfriends last guy was " a nice guy" or "really cool" or do they ALWAYS think " he was a jerk" or " is a jerk"--because it looks like guys always say that.

 

Maybe it's a competition thing? Any other guy-not me- is a jerk.

 

Just wondering...

[JonnyG]

These topics aren't good for the nice guys out there. All they do is leave u feeling more frustrated

 

I don't think that we can put all girls into the same basket. There are nice girls out there, they just need finding. U only have to look on these forums to see that there are some geniune nice girls around.

 

I do believe that a lot of younger girls though do like the challenge of these bad boys. But when they get older and more mature 30+ they tend to get fed up with them. I mean seriously these idiots aren't best role model as a father or husband. Problem is that that is a long wait for us guys in our early 20's to find some1.

 

There are a large amount of girls out there who still like the jerks though unfortunately. Its hard to comprehend why. Of my friends, it was the bad boy ones that were the most successful while my good guy mates suffered. For examples:

 

1) A friend of mine called Chris at school was the most popular guy with the ladies of our year. All of them had a habit of slagging him off behind his back and all agreed he was "an arogant ******". Yet he could go out with any of them when he felt like it. WHY?

 

2) A friend out of school (but he use to go to the same school) was also very popular. He would go out with Sarah one week, Jenny the next week, Chloe the week after etc. He didn't even tell them when he had finished with them. Worse still, these girls actually knew each other. All of them must of been saying "What a jerk. He went out with me, treated me like a piece of meat, and then dumped me without saying anything". Once again the girls always backstabbed him. Yet even though all the girls knew what he was like, they still all seemed to go out with him whenever he asked them out. Was it to win the challenge of actually being able to keep him?WHY?

 

3) Another friend at school wasen't the best of lookers yet he had 2 girls fighting over him. He also treated them badly. He didn't care about either of them much. 1 day he was out with Claire, then Jessica, then Claire, then Jessica, then Claire, then Jessica. This went on for several months. He went out with them 3 times each. God knows why those 2 girls who were friends were happy about the situation of them going for the same man. Maybe they enjoyed the fight for him? He gave up with the pair of them after 3 times each. I don't honestly know what they saw in him. He wasen't great looking, he treated them poorly, he didn't seem to care about them. WHY?

 

4) My older brother told me a story about how he had a friend like chris from my first example. All the girls slagged him off behind his back, really hated him, yet all of them went out with him if he asked. WHY?

 

So, maybe its just my life, but from the majority of situations I have been in life where there is a group of people involved, the jerk does better with the ladies, and the majority like this "jerk". I have to admit though, that these friends of mine who are bad boys are confident, I guess the women see this and look past how badly they are treated.

 

The nice thing about bad boys apart from the challenge is their ssssooooo easy to dump if things do go wrong. All they have to say is "he treated me badly", ironic really

 

Anyways, there might be a lot of women out there that like these jerks, but there are still a lot who prefer the proper gentleman. So don't give up.

[69_king]

Well, it seems that jealousy is big amongst teenage girls. So they see their friend with this guy and then they want him just because they want what their friends have.

 

Are you saying that nice and shy guys don't reproduce? That is kinda funny you know.

 

No, I was saying that the aggressive apes stood a better chance of ensuring the survival of the species (ever see 2001?) and so, the way evolution works, over millions of years the female apes would evolve to desire this type over the more gentle kind. And those genes are still present in the modern woman. Of course, also due to evolution, the only thing guys want with genes is to take them off.

[randy]

i kind of agree with king.

 

We are animals after all. In the animal kingdom it's usually the strongest that gets the mate. (jerks are seen as being strong becuase they do what they want and what they feel. Don't really care about anyone else - high self-esteem/confidence/popular(also by the woman/girl being seen with someone that is popular it automatically makes her popular. This gives her attention which pretty much everyone likes) .

 

I think maybe women/girls would go for the jerk (not all thankfully) because they are confident and have high self-esteem. Some are smart enough to look pass this...most i have noticed are NOT.

 

HOPEFULL they will learn once they get older that if he treats you bad he is not worth it. Lets all close our eyes and clasp our hands and start praying here...haha

 

I try to be a bit of the jerk and a bit of the nice guy. I treat them nice but at the same time i NEVER let them control me (to much).

[asdf]

i think the jerk thing is just a misperception of statistical observations.

 

just like the majority of heterosexual guys in the world prefer females with more feminine features, girls also prefer guys to have more masculine features.

 

now, the features most girls are usually attracted to include confidence, dominance, and in general, just being manly.

 

so the thing about "jerks" that people refer to is that they act more manly than "nice guys".

 

the reason a lot of girls aren't attracted to "nice guys" is that nice guys are usually giving, shy, self conscious, will do whatever the girl wants (submissive) and aren't demanding. these are particularily feminine traits.

 

now if you have a jerk who treats everybody horribly, but is not manly (ie, he's very submissive, has low self confidence, etc), chances are, most girls won't give him a chance.

 

similarily if there is a guy who is polite, but also doesn't not submit, shows confidence and dominance, girls will be more attracted to him.

 

it's not about how horrible a guy is, it's about how manly he acts. acting like a coc.ky jerk just happens to be more manly than a wimpy nice guy. so it means you can be a nice guy, just be a bit more manly.

 

of course, i'm generalizing, but this is true most of the time.

 

attraction isn't a mental or conscious choice, it's just a chemical emotion that's triggered.

[tea]

i think that makes a lot of sense. While I'm not at all interested in jerks, I'm very attracted to guys with a lot of confidence and knows what they want. I like guys who are dominant yet know how to be nice and treat girls well. I don't want someone who bosses me around and thinks he's all that. Manly? yes, Attractive? NO. However, I also have no interest in guys who mope around all day thinking they're just not that great and girls dont' like them because they're nice guys. Attractive? no, manly? nope.

 

Yeah.. .so confident guys who know what they want + treat girls well and is a complete gentleman is the absolute best... however sometimes I'll settle for manly guys who treat girls average... I will never settle for a jerk, and will never settle for a wimp.

[asdf]

i think that makes a lot of sense. While I'm not at all interested in jerks, I'm very attracted to guys with a lot of confidence and knows what they want. I like guys who are dominant yet know how to be nice and treat girls well. I don't want someone who bosses me around and thinks he's all that. Manly? yes, Attractive? NO. However, I also have no interest in guys who mope around all day thinking they're just not that great and girls dont' like them because they're nice guys. Attractive? no, manly? nope.

 

Yeah.. .so confident guys who know what they want + treat girls well and is a complete gentleman is the absolute best... however sometimes I'll settle for manly guys who treat girls average... I will never settle for a jerk, and will never settle for a wimp.

 

exactly. "nice guys" generally act too wimpy. "jerks" are the manly ones, and most people usually don't mind if they're treated a little badly by somebody they're infatuated with.