Confused and hurt Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 Stomacstress - Your ex sounds frustrated because she wants another chance with you and you don't want that. I understand how that feels completely. You say she does not respect your decision...how so? You guys have undergone 4 weeks of NC....doesn't that show that she respects your decision somewhat? She gave you some time and space. Do you want this girl back? If you do, then you guys should make some serious efforts to talk and try to work out the little kinks that need to be worked out before pursuing anything again. I understand that you were hurt by her. I don't know if you still are...but she is letting you know that she is open to giving the relationship another go. You know...so many people preach that people don't change. I think they do...only when they realize that there are aspects of themselves that need to be changed and when they are willing to make such changes. I am living proof of this, but my ex will never know because he does not talk to me. Your ex says she has changed. Maybe she has, maybe she hasn't. If you want to get back with her...that is for you to assess. But I do know one thing for sure...if you don't talk to her, you will never get the opportunity to see whether or not she REALLY has changed. That's just my 2 cents....it may be way off....sorry if it is Link to comment
stomacstress Posted September 30, 2004 Author Share Posted September 30, 2004 Confused and hurt, my decision is that I never want to get back with her. I am asking her to never call back and she is not respecting that. I am doing NC so that I can heal and never have anything to do with her again. I admit I am not emotionaly completely detached yet, but I definitely don't want the relationship with her again. Thanks for wanting to help. Wed Sep 15, 2004 5:20 pm I don't want us to get back together, nor remain friends. Fri Sep 17, 2004 3:10 pm During the last conversation with my ex, she asked me "you're not going to call, are you?" to which I answered "No." She shouldn't be expecting anything from me, that's too bad if she thinks otherwise. Sun Sep 19, 2004 11:25 pm In the end, what counts for me is that I am better off without her. What counts for her is to realize she can't force me back into a relationship that hurts me, that would just end up in a disaster. Of course, I will be thinking about her on her b'day and other anniversaries... As painful as it may be, I'll have to accept that it is better if we are not together. Thu Sep 23, 2004 10:27 pm I know that our personalities are too different. We could never get along together, and it will always be that way. She has a destructive effect on me. Sat Sep 25, 2004 3:46 pm Let it go. Get on with the rest of life. Link to comment
Confused and hurt Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 Hi Stomacstres- Sorry...I guess I was way off. Link to comment
kipster Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Ask yourself what good can come from this, and you shall have your answer. Exactly. I sent my EX a b-day card, but didn't call. It did absolutely nothing but got a bland confirmation voicemail at my job at an hour that she knew I wouldn't be there. Lame-0. So she won't have to worry about any cards for anything in the future, its a waste of energy and an exercise in futility. If she was with you, she'd be getting one, since she's not, she shouldn't expect one. I sure don't expect one in the future and the b-day card she sent me, I still haven't opened to this day. No need, I'm sure its a Lame-O non-committal card anyways so there's nothing new to see there . Just my 2 cents, Kip Link to comment
stomacstress Posted October 2, 2004 Author Share Posted October 2, 2004 Last time we talked (when she broke NC), she actually didn't even mention not getting anything from me on her b'day. See, I was worried for nothing! Glad to see I made the right decision. Link to comment
BBBbabygirl29 Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 yeah you should call it would probably make her happy to know you are still thinking of her Link to comment
Warmastoast99999 Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 Im new to this forum & came here as alast resort...seems Im in good ocmpany - Ive just ended a relationship with someone after almost a year - im 45...so is she - she swept me off myfeet - utterly charming...wityy, life & sould, sexy, etc... Then she dumped me... & I chased her because I was already hooked... Ive saved 782 text messages from our long relationship - including ' * * * * you'...' * * * * off' ' you idiot' etc - many / almost all ive met with warmth & pleadings to return...which she has... The pattern is around every 3 - 5 weeks ...you guessed - theres some 'drama' - she dumps me...or, like on summer hols with my kids, she decides to leave the hotel - packs, says shes gone...(actually checked in another room) On all these occasions she ignores me, refuses to take calls, answer messages etc...except maybe one 'abusive' text... * * * * off you will never see me again... or 'poof - im gone'... On xmas day she was on the way to my house - i had my kids...my phone was off - i switched it on to find she had sent a message saying 'if you dont stop this im turning around and going home'...i exploded...and told herto... She truned around, and even though i asked her to return she refused to take my calls... later she sent me a text saying it was the worst day of her life etc...laid on her bed ' screaming in pain'... New year - we were supposed to hold a dinner party - i cancelled it as i did a trip together on 2/1... She had returned to my house and stayed and we talked about it being over...i took her to friends we were due to spend new years eve with... We texted each other on 30/12 about meeting, talking the ususal... I went to visit family and came back that evening - she wasnt expecting me to - she had stayed with our friends...i sent her various messages asking her to join u s- her friends did too - she insists that at our friends its a bad area and she didnt get them until next day... she missed our new years eve night out - got all kinds of hurt and hurtful texts about it... this may be true...(bad area) I sent her other messages next day after trying to fone her - i decided enough was enough, she hadnt the decency to reply so i was going to do something for myself - i got on aplane to prague to visit friends... she went crazy by text - enjoy your hookers etc... got amessage 2 days later...i love you & miss you xx next day same - so i replied i missed her too.. then i weakened and asked her to dinner...tonite... she replied 'im in a buddhist centre in france'...didngt pick up the phone...call and even turned off fones etc shortly afterwards so i couldnt make frther contact... A pattern (i believe) of our relationship has been also that i think of & book etc things for us both...often she does things for her... The woman drives me crazy but i love her... and hate her. I hate the 'helplessness' i feel in this relationship - like she is running my life... I hate the hurt and dsappontment i feel i keep facing...and the harshness and selfishness... Im unsure why i keep putting up with it & going back... In the last 4 days ive been beside myself and have (foolishly) gone and got laid with 4 different women - 3 exes and a new date... Im deeply distracted and miserable... Im sorry to ramble, but if anyone can 1) cast some light on what they 'see' in her behaviours 2) Give me your thoughts on how to proceed 3) Share if youve had similar experience9s) with what i believe is an abusibve woman, pls let me know (i tried the link to betteredmen but it wouldnt 'connect') Thanks for your patience everyone! BGTW - Im in Surrey, UK. Link to comment
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