Not sure what to make of this

[Guitarguy_82]

Quick recap: dated the ex for 3 months, broke up about 3 weeks ago. We were supposed to meet up and talk a week ago but she kept blowing me off and making excuses. Last communication we had was her apologizing and me telling her that she's bad at keeping promises and good at pushing away anyone who cares about her.

 

So, via the lovely wonders of Facebook, I have found out that there is a new man in my ex's life. They aren't in a "relationship" yet but the signs all point to it. Anyway, my first thought was "LOL Good luck buddy!!"

 

She's a wreck of a woman, bad health, bad attitude, etc...but of course (as I recall) she's lovey dovey and sweet for that first month or so of the relationship. Hide the bad part until later, right? Wait for the true colors to come out.

 

So I'm mentally preparing myself for the inevitable. Yes there is some pain associated with it knowing that all the effort I put into our relationship was a waste and now she's "moving on" (even though she told me she did NOT want to be in a relationship and had no idea what love was), but I know at the end of the day it just wasn't meant to be.

 

And yet I look at my past and what happened with my ex from about 4 years ago and I remember how much it hurt to see the ex move on so quickly and to, apparently, her "perfect" match, whom she later married and has a child with. Definitely a blow to the self-esteem.

 

Recent ex is now all super friendly with this guy and from what I gather they seem to be a better match. Again, a blow to the self-esteem.

 

I'm doing my best to get back to focusing on "me"...just moved into a house with my good friend from college and ready to get back out there and discover new things, take a martial arts class, get back to playing guitar more, etc. But there's still that slight sting, that slight pain, that jab to the side saying "you weren't good enough".

 

And I know that it goes away with time. I know that it will get "better". I know that there is a better match for me out there. And yes, there is some bitterness there.

 

I'm concerned that I'm trying to move on too quickly though. I'm back on a dating website and just looking around and so far I just can't get interested in anyone I see there. I do want to be in a relationship but I'm wondering if I haven't given myself enough time to properly decompress from the recent ex. I still care for her and have feelings towards her. I'm still in that stage where I think of things in terms of "her". If her favorite song is on the radio, I switch the station. If a show we liked is on TV, I change the channel. I can't wear a certain jacket because that was the jacket I always wore when I went to her place. My stomach is still queasy from this time last week when she said she missed kissing me and I told her I wanted to give "us" another shot (moment of weakness, I know).

 

I don't want to make the next person I date an accidental rebound (not that I would do that purposefully). But again, I want to get back out there because, I like to think, I'm a pretty good guy and I like to be happy. Surely I can find someone else who truly reflects that. I just want to do the right thing. I hate sulking. I hate worrying. I hate "overthinking" things. It makes me paranoid and crazy. I just want to be happy and move on.

 

My ex (from 4 years ago) took me years to get over. She was the first girl I loved and we were together for about 3.5 years.

Recent ex and I dated for 3 months. Yet I'm still having the same painful feelings as the ex from way back. I don't want it to take years to get over this girl.