When th ex has sex.

[Eocsor]

I guess I'm curious as to why so many people still pine for the ex when they basically left them to go have sex with someone else. I'm not talking about where you break up, and they have a relationship a few months later. I'm talking about where they basically leave you and head right into someone elses bed.

 

I know, I know, you love them still, but if you were talking to a friend about their ex, you'd tell them that person is scum and should be left alone forever.

 

Why is it that you can overlook such egregious behavior from an ex?

[Chandra]

Unless we were talking about YEARS later down the road, I would have no interest. So I guess I cannot justify the behavior.

[sentencedtoagony]

My ex seamlessly went from her ex, to me, back to him, back to me, and now back to him. Although, she claims they have a very asexual relationship and she even suspected he has a secret gay life with some guy.

 

The first time we got together, I assumed she was single because I had turned her down for not being single, then a month later she called me. Apparently, when we had sex, she hadn't really broken it off with him yet.

 

The second time we got back together, I told her to make sure all the BS with him was truly over and that she was past it and that it would not happen again.

 

I'm pretty sure it happened again via my own investigation the night she walked out on me.

 

I'll try to remember this while pining.

[chickydoodle]

I guess I'm curious as to why so many people still pine for the ex when they basically left them to go have sex with someone else. I'm not talking about where you break up, and they have a relationship a few months later. I'm talking about where they basically leave you and head right into someone elses bed.

 

 

Maybe they become even more desirable 'cos someone else wants them???

 

A co-worker once said to me about her guy ' I dont want him but I dont want anyone else having him either' ----?? They are still together in a v. dysfunctional r'ship!

[Scuza]

I agree 100%. Everyone should try to look at their situation as a third party.

If this was happening to their friend, what would they tell their friend to do?

[browneyedgirl36]

Yeah...actually, when I found out my ex moved on/was sleeping with someone else (after we broke up -- not before), it was kind of a relief, actually, and it made me want him a LOT less. While I still have a pang or two of missing him at times, I think, "Eh. He had me, and he passed, and now he's bonking someone else. Yuck." So...yeah...made it tons easier. It wiped out the ambiguity about our relationship -- I knew exactly where I stood after I found out.

 

Edited to add: Ten years ago, I would NOT have had this attitude in this situation. In fact, the thought of an ex sleeping with someone else would have (and did) make me sick, and it made me feel terrible about myself -- I took it so personally, like "I'm not good enough, and he'd rather be with someone else." I had major self-esteem issues back then. I've come a LONG way.

[SparklyBoots]

Sex is sex - making love is something so much more profound-and are they just keeing their d**k warm or is it much more thsn that???! Sex is scratching an itch....a physical friction....it can be not such a big deal! The best thing my ex ex ex said to me (yes he was the one I took soooo long to get over!) was that I was too adventurous for him....he just wanted vanilla...well now that is what he has - if it makes him happy fine!!!!!!!!! I'd never ever been dumped by a guy before who said he still found me attractive, we still had sex from time to time and who complained it was too adventurous for him Yes it hurts they are playing around with someone else...but hey, it isn't that big a deal in the grand scheme of things....

[LightInTheSky]

I guess I'm curious as to why so many people still pine for the ex when they basically left them to go have sex with someone else. I'm not talking about where you break up, and they have a relationship a few months later. I'm talking about where they basically leave you and head right into someone elses bed.

 

I know, I know, you love them still, but if you were talking to a friend about their ex, you'd tell them that person is scum and should be left alone forever.

 

Why is it that you can overlook such egregious behavior from an ex?

 

Human psychology, the mind wants what it can't have (basically, though I'm sure there's a more technical way of saying it). It's also been shown to apply to underage drinking and drug use. I vaguely remember learning about this type of thing in one of my university courses but not sure of the details

[JLKLEE]

I think if you go NC and your ex sleeps with someone and then y'all get back together, it's not really a big deal if they sleep with someone else. It happens. Just like someone said sex can be just sex. Just because they slept with someone doesn't mean they love them.

 

It's different if you are still talking to your ex and find out they sleep with someone...I think that's much worse

[browneyedgirl36]

I think if you go NC and your ex sleeps with someone and then y'all get back together, it's not really a big deal if they sleep with someone else. It happens. Just like someone said sex can be just sex. Just because they slept with someone doesn't mean they love them.

 

It's different if you are still talking to your ex and find out they sleep with someone...I think that's much worse

 

I agree -- it's one thing if you're broken up and not speaking to them for awhile and then you get back together and find out that they've slept with someone in the interim...however, if you're in LC with them, talking to them occasionally, and they're telling you they're dating/sleeping with others...yuck. That's what happened in my situation. My ex has boundary issues, we work together, and apparently he thinks it's a great idea to talk to me about his dates/people he sleeps with, etc. I actually had to tell him that I don't want to hear about it.

[JLKLEE]

I agree -- it's one thing if you're broken up and not speaking to them for awhile and then you get back together and find out that they've slept with someone in the interim...however, if you're in LC with them, talking to them occasionally, and they're telling you they're dating/sleeping with others...yuck. That's what happened in my situation. My ex has boundary issues, we work together, and apparently he thinks it's a great idea to talk to me about his dates/people he sleeps with, etc. I actually had to tell him that I don't want to hear about it.

 

Yea my ex ex kept me around (and I let him) while he was kissing and having sex with other girls. If he hadn't done that we probably would be back together. I get the whole wanting to be sure before you settle down. But it's one thing to do it during NC but its another thing for them to be selfish and do it in front of your face.

[browneyedgirl36]

Yea my ex ex kept me around (and I let him) while he was kissing and having sex with other girls. If he hadn't done that we probably would be back together. I get the whole wanting to be sure before you settle down. But it's one thing to do it during NC but its another thing for them to be selfish and do it in front of your face.

 

Yep...I wrote mine an e-mail not too long ago telling him that I don't want to hear or know about who he's dating or sleeping with, and I asked him to refrain from telling me about such things. I have no choice but to see him a few times a week at work, and I've tried keeping most conversations work-related only, but, like I said, he's got boundary issues, and I haven't been very firm with him about that until now (my fault, I know).

 

Funny, when I called him on it and asked him in an e-mail -- firmly but tactfully -- to refrain from sharing his dating/romantic life with me -- he didn't respond. He ALWAYS has something to say, but this time, silence. He's probably mad at me, and I really don't care. I've spent way too much time letting him take me for granted, keep me on the backburner, etc., and the minute I draw a line, he sulks. Eh. He can sulk all he wants. As long as I'm not hearing about his girlfriends, I'm fine with the sulking.

[HopeArises]

I guess I'm curious as to why so many people still pine for the ex when they basically left them to go have sex with someone else. I'm not talking about where you break up, and they have a relationship a few months later. I'm talking about where they basically leave you and head right into someone elses bed.

 

I know, I know, you love them still, but if you were talking to a friend about their ex, you'd tell them that person is scum and should be left alone forever.

 

Why is it that you can overlook such egregious behavior from an ex?

 

Just go NC right away and never look back .