Best friend jealous? Getting me down

[Thinker19]

Around 8 months ago, I was told that this guy had a bit of a thing for me. He would say things like "She's hot" to mutual friends, and that he "wanted to get to know me." I didn't like him back, just out of principle (a once really close friend had been there), so for me it was off limits.

 

My best friend had a group of friends stay over at her house, and this guy came as well, I was told with the intention of talking to me. We never did; he barely looked at me, I assume because he was nervous (not arrogance, I had been told that same day that he was interested by his best friend). Some of my friends started drinking, and my best friend and this guy got together whilst they were drunk. Suddenly the fact that he had liked me was erased from memory, and this guy's best friend was all over the "new couple" like a rash. My best friend had been even closer friends with his ex, to the extent that they were joined at the hip and were called "twins" by everyone, wearing the same clothes and having the same personality. Weirdly enough, this guy said that that is the reason he liked her. I quote, "she is like my ex, but without the meaner side."

 

Anyway, they have now been together 8 months or longer. I have no doubt that he no longer likes me, because he says that he loves my best friend. However, she is always trying to compete with me and its getting me down. She has said various things about my appearance, making out that she is far more attractive with facial features eg. "my eyes/cheeks/lips etc are better than yours, your boobs aren't that big (er, I'm an DD), and it all comes out of nowhere. She has also said things like (when drunk) "Don't make yourself look hot for MY boyfriend", which I was bemused by. I get vibes from her when I'm there when he is, she puts me down in front of him making out that I'm stupid and the like, and acts all over him. It is ridiculously petty, and actually quite embarrassing. She has said things like "I wish I looked like you", and she has dyed her hair the same colour as mine when in the past she said she never would.

 

The other day I found out that she is still friends with my ex (who made me feel awful, quite frankly). She knows all of the harsh things he has said to me, and yet she does not care. She also casually mentioned that he offered a friends with benefits situation a year ago, which I don't feel I really needed to know but she said it anyway. I feel like its really disloyal of her, and that she is trying to make me jealous. I don't like him anymore at all, but thats not the point in my opinion. She also hates when I talk about my new Uni friends, and acts annoyed that I'm friends with them.

 

Anyway, I'm sick of this and I just want my friend back... but I don't see it happening. We have been friends for over 14 years.

[figur]

She sounds very insecure in herself, which is making her feel like she needs to compete with you. She knows her boyfriend had a crush on you in the past and has obviously not gotten over it. Either he has stopped liking you (people get over crushes all the time!) and she won't let it go, or maybe he does still have a bit of a thing for you and she notices.

 

In either case, I think you need to tell her flat out that you are not in a competition for her boyfriend and are upset by the fact that she makes it out to be that way. Maybe if she doesn't hear the words she won't stop the way she's acting. Or maybe she's not that good a friend?

[Thinker19]

Thank you for your reply, I just needed a stranger's perspective on this!

 

I will definitely talk to her if the issue comes up again... There is also the problem of their very unequal relationship whereby he always goes off with his friends when he has already made plans with her, and with her it is the opposite of that. Everything about it gets on my nerves. You can't help people that don't want to see the truth however can you? Or should I try and talk to her about the way he is treating her?

[DylanNotorious]

She isn't your friend! If she was, she wouldn't act like this towards you. I know it's petty but when your friend said some of the things she said to you, I would have said something like "You only have him, because I didn't want him". That would have irked her beyond beleif. But that's stooping to her level. But it is true, you could have had him.

 

She isn't your friend anymore, she's merely someone who enjoys sparring with you and you don't need that.