stevef20 Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Hey, I'm not sure what possible benefit I or anyone else will get from me airing my thoughts but I have to tell someone how I'm feeling. I'm sorry.... It been 12 long months for me now yet here I am 38 years old laying in my bed sobbing with all my heart and wondering what there is to go on for, I like many have had an awful Xmas, I've found myself thinking about my ex often, wondering how she is, if she's happy which I hope she is and if she ever thinks of me, as we speak I'm breaking down just thinking of her smiling at me, telling me how she loves me and giving me that look of adoration, you know the one... I really love this girl very very much, I'm not sure I'm ever going to get over her. I wish I could sleep now, sleep and not wake again, I don't want to be here anymore A broken man. sorry. Link to comment
Deejmonster Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Stevef20, I bet you are a really great guy, and if you think about it I am sure she is in just as much pain as you are. I have been the dumper before, trust me.. I never showed it to my dumpee either, but I really cared about them and hated hurting them, but I had to play the cards in which I was dealt. Every day I prayed that she would find someone as good as me or better to make her happy and to fulfill the things in which I couldn't. It was so hard to accept that it was over, but in the end, I knew that she was in a better place without me. You have a gift that not everyone can find... inside you there is a power that wants to make someone feel incredible all the time, a power that makes them want to smile and have great emotions, you have the power to change someone else's life. If you give up yours, how do you expect to perform miracles down the road? What about your family? sisters, brothers, father, mother, sons and daughters... what kind of message do you want to leave behind in your legacy? I am sure its not one like this. You are very special my friend and the world will not behave the same if you aren't in it. In your everyday life you are a part of something big. Truth is, I was in your exes shoes once.. and believe me, being the dumper was no easier than being the dumpee... so do her and yourself a favor and message us here on enotalone when you wake up tomorrow. Link to comment
gal1989 Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Hey Steve. I'm sorry for what your going through. I feel like u do, its been 3 months for me and I feel like that. It makes it worse for me going over and over in my head how he has moved on and found another... I feel like u not wanting to wake up like there's bog all to get up for at all. You give so much advice to others, and I've seen these, u should look at the advice u give to others too its all inside u somewhere It takes different amounts of time for different people so if your not ready then your bot ready to move on. Have u considered counselling? A year is a long time to feel like that Or how about buy a book, I have one, which I have hardly read tbh... it scares me or something I dunno its weird... Anyway I hope you feel better soon x Link to comment
stevef20 Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 Thankyou Deej, That was very touching to read, ill not go into my story as ill just go further and further back in my healing but suffice to say that not all dumper are as kind and caring as you. I thankyou again for your kind words though. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 Thanks Gal, I've done all you have mentioned, sometimes I guess you just have to accept that maybe what you've lost really was "the one" Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 ahh steve sorry your in such a state ..it's just awful ... I know how you feel , steve , I really know how your feel , so your not alone Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 ahh steve sorry your in such a state ..it's just awful ... I know how you feel , steve , I really know how your feel , so your not alone I wish I could come up with something to make it go away for you Link to comment
dancings Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I just wanted to say, I don't normally respond to messages, but yours really struck a chord with me. I feel like I am also going through the same thing, it's been 12 long months of ups and downs, mostly downs, and I have never fantasized about dying as I have this year. And I have everything in world anyone could want, except the one thing I want, my ex. I have sobbed more than I ever have in my life, felt unwanted, unloved, hateful of myself, guilty... I am broken too. Just wanted you to know you really are not alone, and I hope for both of us that we eventually can feel better, or something can change. Wanted to send you a hug from here. Link to comment
pebbles111 Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Feeling the same. Not helpful, but I know how you feel. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 It's crazy isn't it all sat at our different parts of the world ...all feeling like this ...that despair *hands round the wine and chocolates* Link to comment
stevef20 Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 Thankyou dancings, the similarities are evident just from your short post, I'm Sooo very sorry you're feeling as I do, my heart is with you. Hugs Steve Link to comment
rosie smith Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 steve you seem like a really great guy and as much as I understand how much hurt and pain you are in. Cause I have been there myself and there are still days where I still get sad for no reason but honestly you have gotta try and keep going and seek help if you need it and I dunno if your family and friends know how much pain you are in but talk to them about how you feel if you can. if I could tell you as well how I am slowly getting through my 8 year break, knowing that my ex is playing games with me at the same time I would tell you but all I can say is that I guess after a major break up we are broken but as hard as it might be to hear right now it is how you pick your self in the end that counts and I am sure that any girl would be lucky to have you in there life. hope you feel better soon, all the best and don't apologise for how you feel and we have all been there. Link to comment
hausser Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Steve my man. Xmas too brought a lot of painful memories back for myself, I empathise totally with you bud. Just remember the night is always darkest before the dawn. Coming home to an empty apartment where now not even my dog is here to greet me is ripping me apart, bigtime. Have you started dating again? Link to comment
stevef20 Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 Thanks Pebbles, shooting and Rosie, I'm humbled you have taken time from your own hurt to comfort me. Thank you Link to comment
stevef20 Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 Thanks Hausser, hurts like hell doesn't it. I thought about dating but no I'm not, I am a million miles away from being even close to being ready. Link to comment
gal1989 Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 People have said many times over that the person that leaves us is not "the one". How can they possibly be.... I always believe in fate and that things happen for a reason.... like some kind of force.... I have just noticed your signature, is that really a hood idea that it says "right now I'd reconcile..." ? Maybe seeing that can keep the hope going and stop u from moving on properly...? How about something positive like positive quotes and phrases aimed for/at YOU (and others on here) and not about your ex? And would you really reconcile after what she did to you? (read a very early thread of yours just) she will be like that forever....! Have u got many friends, a job? Is there any support groups near you? How about joining a sports club? Like tennis, rock climbing, football, mountaineering....? Meet some new people? Maybe find a new love x Link to comment
rosie smith Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Thanks Hausser, hurts like hell doesn't it. I thought about dating but no I'm not, I am a million miles away from being even close to being ready. steve don't get involved with anyone if you are not ready, it will only end in more pain for both you and her. You will know when you are ready. honestly yes a while back I was really hurt spent two months trying to figure out if I should dump my ex for kind of cheating on me and so many other things, and even though I still have my bad days I get through my keeping myself and by driving my family and friends and if you can do the same honestly I would do it. The key is just to keep busy and when you are home alone yep it will suck at times but watch some tv or cook or go the gym as I said just keep busy and in time you will feel a lot better about things. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 Gal, I love your enthusiam, you are clearly a very loving, caring girl. I truly hope that you will feel better soon, I am very grateful you stopped by x Link to comment
rosie smith Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 People have said many times over that the person that leaves us is not "the one". How can they possibly be.... I always believe in fate and that things happen for a reason.... like some kind of force.... x I am gonna disagree with you there people ofen leave for all sorts of reasons, eg, I never had a choice but to leave my ex and over a month on I still have not gonna some of my things back from him but either way I dunno what your ex did to you steve, sorry never read your story but I can say from experience people sometimes do change and sometimes they don't. however steve if you go about things correctly and heal from your ex either she will come back when you least expect it cause that just seems to be life works or you will meet someone better than your ex really hope things get better for you soon Steve. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 I won't Rosie, I'm a good guy and have no intention to hurt anyone including me. Thanks for stopping by again Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 This is what my personal belief is ... a twin flame is a totally different thing to a soul mate . everyone always talks of the one been their soul mate ... we have to go through these soul mates until we are ready to meet our twin flames ..the other half of our souls . We cannot meet out twin flames until we have learnt the lessons that we need to ..that's how we end up meeting our soul mates , this continues until we finally click ...learn what we need to about ourselves and about relationships ..then we are ready for our twin flames. can anyone honestly say you haven't learnt anything or changed your behaviour from the heart break you have suffered in your life . Link to comment
Mario043 Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Unfortunately, I know the feeling all too well. Sometimes I feel like things will never get better. But we're still here, and all we can do is try to move forward as best we can and have faith that things will get better. We all know the feeling, or have known it at one time or another.. Have faith... Link to comment
TessaB Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 You can do this! It's been long and that's ok. Think about the progress you have made...because it has been tremendous! Things take time, but the good part is...time goes on, it always moves. Look at the clock, the second hand will always moves, that means time is going, life goes on and so do you. Take joy in knowing that, in knowing you are a good person and a person who is going to find what they want and need in this life. So it wasn't her. And that's ok. I agree with others, take what you've learned to lift yourself up and press to move forward. Link to comment
smitty9999 Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 hi i'm also grieving over a lost spouse. Xmas was tough but survived. My emotions are up and down. I just cannot seem to cry anymore or its dry tears. Not sure what stage i am at. Seperated for about 6 weeks. Link to comment
NovaMan Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 This is what my personal belief is ... a twin flame is a totally different thing to a soul mate . everyone always talks of the one been their soul mate ... we have to go through these soul mates until we are ready to meet our twin flames ..the other half of our souls . We cannot meet out twin flames until we have learnt the lessons that we need to ..that's how we end up meeting our soul mates , this continues until we finally click ...learn what we need to about ourselves and about relationships ..then we are ready for our twin flames. can anyone honestly say you haven't learnt anything or changed your behaviour from the heart break you have suffered in your life . Ummm....talk of twin flames vs soul mates sounds a bit flowery to me. Sorry, but I'm not sold on the whole "soul mate" concept anyway. I've been married to 2 soul mates, and both ended in divorce. I thought I learned from my first experience, and I made different choices, but the end result was the same. Using your logic, by losing 2 soul mates, I am now ready (or at least preparing) to meet my twin flame. Don't buy it. Link to comment
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