Learning from the relationships that didn't work out

[Liraele]

Another great TinyBuddha article for you ENA'ers.

 

link removed

 

Takes many of us quite a while to get to the point where we really see the true lessons from the loss, but it's good to read even if you aren't quite there yet.

 

Cheers!

 

-Lir

[ewr]

This is a good article, but the little idiot side of me circumvents it by saying "yes, our ex's taught us things we don't want...but they also showed us things we DO want, that they had to offer, and they are now gone, with those things". Stupid idiot side.

[Liraele]

LOL!

 

Yes, but imagine finding all those things you DO want without all of the things you DON'T.

 

Then look, you're right back out of that hole your idiot side dug for you.

[northpickle]

This bit of the article rings true for me:

 

What’s going on is that I’m learning valuable lessons from each man about what I want in a relationship and how I want to show up in one. Each experience is making me better for the final taker.

 

My ex ex, and my ex ex ex taught me what I didn't want, and when my recent ex showed his interest in being in a relationship with me I was so excited. Because he seemed to be everything I DID want. Intelligent, self-sufficient, respectful, liberal, took care of his health, yadda yadda. I'm still trying to get over him so still trying to get to grips with what I have learned from being with him. Still wearing rose tinted glasses a lot of the time! But I guess I need someone who is more complimentary, more spontaneous (he was at first but that died down) and more interested in my life and being interested in my passions rather than standing around looking uncomfortable, rather than just concentrating purely on his own interests

[Sim54]

I prefer to see past relationships as a mirror of who I am, and those parts of me that I'm carefully ignoring. Rather than learning what I don't want from someone else, i try to learn to open up to who I really am as person, underneath all the masks I wear to keep safe. I trust that as I peel back the layers, then I will be more available to a compatible partner.

I'm looking more for someone to love, than someone to love me.

I'm more interested in what kind of person I can be for someone else, rather than what someone else can be for me.

 

I believe that the people we invite into our lives are a reflection of how we treat ourselves and how we treat other people.

[northpickle]

You make some great points Sim, and this is also what I'm trying to do during my healing. I made no huge mistakes in my last relationship but because I was truly in love and made myself quite vulnerable, let all my guards down as it were, I noticed some weaknesses in myself that I have brushed over in the past. Do I still kick myself? Yes. Would I have done anything differently? No. Because we both knew each other well, both got swept up in emotions and fell into something heavy and I guess it was never meant to be forever. Does that make me cry still? Yes. It hurts like no pain I have ever known. But over time I know I will look back and smile and hopefully be happy like that again