ann1e Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Friends with benefits... what are your thoughts about it? Do you think it's right? Or just completely out of the question? Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 It's all relative to the nature of the relationship before the potential FWB began. Link to comment
lonelyheart2 Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I think it depends who you are, whether you think you can handle your emotions or not etc. I know, for myself, I wouldn't be able to do it as whether I liked it or not emotions would start to get involved and that's why I've never had a friends with benefits situation but I can understand why people do them. I don't think it's a question of if it is right or wrong. Link to comment
Liraele Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Nothing wrong with it as long as it's known on both sides that is all that it is. You really, really, REALLY have to be absolutely sure you can keep sex and emotions separate, or it won't work.... Link to comment
RedDress Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I don't think it's a question of right or wrong but capable and incapable. *Most* people are incapable of separating sex and emotions. I think *many* people are in denial about that. But... I think *some* people can and that for them, I'm sure it works just fine. Link to comment
ann1e Posted December 8, 2011 Author Share Posted December 8, 2011 I don't think it's a question of right or wrong but capable and incapable. *Most* people are incapable of separating sex and emotions. I think *many* people are in denial about that. But... I think *some* people can and that for them, I'm sure it works just fine. me and my ex talked about being FWB. I think I would be fine with it because I just want to have fun but he thinks I might get hurt from it so he's thinking it over before he gives me an answer.. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 me and my ex talked about being FWB. I think I would be fine with it because I just want to have fun but he thinks I might get hurt from it so he's thinking it over before he gives me an answer.. He thinks YOU might get hurt from it? That's new! Link to comment
ann1e Posted December 8, 2011 Author Share Posted December 8, 2011 He thinks YOU might get hurt from it? That's new! I know right! Like we had a great physical relationship so why not continue it without all the emotions that get in the way? Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I know right! Like we had a great physical relationship so why not continue it without all the emotions that get in the way? For some, and I dare say most people...that's impossible. Link to comment
ann1e Posted December 8, 2011 Author Share Posted December 8, 2011 For some, and I dare say most people...that's impossible. I realize that but we just have this bond (as in friendship) that is so easy going, and I think it would be easy to be FWB with him. Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 He thinks YOU might get hurt from it? That's new! Not really. There are several women that I'd be FWB with--and they've expressed interest--but I don't trust them to handle their emotions maturely, and I think they'd end up getting hurt. I know this because it's happened before, with certain types of more traditional/clingier women. They know I like independent women, they say they can handle it...and then they can't, and it gets very ugly, even though I'm fine. So I have to put aside my own wants for their well-being. Human beings don't need to be slaves to their emotions. We start off just fine, having sex without commitment in our younger years...and it gradually gets socialized out of us, as we conform to what most adults do. We didn't lose the ability, we're just following the herd. I never trust any argument that relies on "Oh, we're just so fragile and limited, we need to do everything the way it's always been done, because that's safer." Saying "I want to have an emotional connection with the person I'm sleeping with" is great. That's not me, but, live and let live. Saying "It's impossible for most people to have sex without keeping their emotions in control, because we're weak things that need to be protected from ourselves" is frankly insulting to our species, IMHO. And that's the part that goes unsaid: that we have certain limitations, and society has to tell us what to do for our own good. It's commonly assumed that getting more connected to the people you sleep with (as you get older) is "maturity"...but isn't that actually devolving? We start off as strong and independent and enjoying sex, but many of us end up being weakened by the convoluted game known as "relationships". I've had people tell me that I'm immature because of my resistance to the relationship concept. I'm immature in many ways, but, when I get involved with a woman, I act like an adult that's in control of himself. The people who have called me immature have been neurotic, clingy trainwrecks (with other guys, not me), but they think sex is all meaningful and stuff, so they're magically more together than I am. Link to comment
feenyx Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 As long as you're not FWB while you're dating (but not sleeping with) other people, sure. Of course if you're FWB while you're in another relationship I think that depends on third wheel (Which would be the third wheel anyways? The ex or the new SO?) My ex was FWB with his ex when we were on the early stages of dating. Needless to say her overnight stuff was still at his place the first few weeks I came by. My thoughts on it? I shouldn't touch a person who has FWB (especially if it's an ex) with a 10-foot pole. Link to comment
figur Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 FWB can be difficult, and I'm unsure if my dabbling with it could be deemed "successful." My friend and I were not interested in a relationship, either with each other or anyone at the time. I think as time went on he became more attached, but it always felt like he was attached to the concept of a girlfriend, not me in particular as a girlfriend. I think that realization made it easier for me to not build false emotions. I ended it when I decided I did want to date others that were more my type, but my friend did seem hurt. Not surprised, but hurt. What also makes FWB difficult is if you stay friends and one of you starts dating others, it becomes difficult to reveal the extent of your "friendship" with your new partner. Link to comment
Longview01 Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 I realize that but we just have this bond (as in friendship) that is so easy going, and I think it would be easy to be FWB with him. FWB with an ex is never easy, the emotional bond was already there and the FWB situation is just playing with fire Someone will get hurt Link to comment
ann1e Posted December 12, 2011 Author Share Posted December 12, 2011 FWB with an ex is never easy, the emotional bond was already there and the FWB situation is just playing with fire Someone will get hurt Well we already started being FWB... it seems to be going fine so far! I'll let you know if something starts to slip up though Link to comment
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