The classic 'keen in the beginning and then goes quiet'

[Lucy3]

I met a guy about 6 weeks ago, we tend to meet up once a week at the moment, which is fine with me because from past relationships it has never worked when it is intense in the beginning. Up until about a week ago he would always tell me how much he liked me and said he wanted to see me all the time etc, and just seemed generally keen and affectionate but then when it actually comes to it he never really suggests meeting up (I feel like it is always me) and recently he has cancelled due to being 'ill' who knows if that is true or not! I think he realised he had cancelled a few times on me so did meet up with me the other day even tho he said he didnt feel well, but he didnt seem very enthusicstic when we were out. In the last week he has also stopped making so much effort with texting and just generally seems like he can't be bothered. I know things change after a while when you are seeing someone but surely not after 6 weeks!!? If he can't be bothered any more how can feelings just randomly change out of the blue? I can't think of anything I have done.

 

But then I always get paranoid that I am doing something wrong and maybe he thinks I am being off with him (I am trying not to seem too keen seeing as he seems to have taken a step back) Should I 'PLAY HARD TO GET' (I hate that term and don't like doing it) or should I just out right ask him why he seems a little distant and see if everything is ok?

 

I just don't know how to read him

 

Please help! Thanks! xx

[LaKings55]

Generally, if someone is already saying things such as "I really like you" or "you're amazing" it can be a handful of things. First, they're either incredibly desperate for affection, or they're saying it in the hopes of getting something from you. If a man isn't making the first move or not being the one to set up dates, then he's either not interested or he has no confidence. I personally, am not a fan of expressing feelings so soon in the early rounds of a dating relationship, since that just means moving too soon, too fast, and running forward blindly, ignoring the negatives. I would suggest that if you're particularly interested in this guy, taking a big step back, letting him initiate the contact and setting up the next date, and start feeling him out for his true intentions. The last thing you want is to be strung along. Like I said, this guy is either a player with no real interest, is truly that lazy, is lacking in confidence, etc. But most certainly, something isn't right with this situation

[Day_Walker]

If their interest is waning, then there is nothing that you can do about it.

[OrangeMoon]

6-8 weeks ..is quite a normal period to see if dating sparks have a chance of growing into more.. Many dates fail within that timeperiod..

So its like evolution. He's showing he cant sustain anymore excitement to have your relationship evolve into more.

 

If you see this happening..let him go. Because gameplaying etc might stall the decision but doesnt take away from the fact that his desire for whatever reason is fading.

 

Some peope just love the beginning stages of dating.. it sucks,but it is like that. Feelings don't change out of the blue. You can't call them feelings yet anyway when dating..its all perception and filtered versions of your own needs. Than reality kicks in more and more..and for whatever reason seeds are planted in his head that makes him believe that he' not that into you as he thought at first.

 

Give someone space to show that they are into you..if they don't, then I guess there's your answer.

 

I'd say lett him know that you can feel that something is going on, if he's ready to talk about it to contact you..pull back, give him space, go out with your girlfriends or do whatever. If in two weeks this guy isn't making a move towards you or talks about what he's got on his mind..than you end it or do the disfunctional disappearing as well (in case that is what he chooses to do)

[Lucy3]

Thank you all for your replies....

 

Perhaps he is losing the interest that he had at the beginning, but why in some messages does he still say 'hey beautiful' or 'hey lovely' I know you are probably thinking that if hes still saying that then hes still into me, but im just getting this gut instinct that he is slowly becoming not bothered any more, lack of text conversation and lack of enthusiasm to meet up!!

 

Grrrrrrr why are men so strange!!!!!!?

[Pkittie]

Hey Lucy, don't believe these guys...I am myself going through this...I dated this guy few times. He's flirting all the time, compliments galore. When I confronted him, he said he was joking all the time...Actions speak louder than words! Listen to your gut.

[Lucy3]

Sorry you are going through it too Pkittie, I met this guy online- maybe i will get back on that site and find someone else who will actully make an effort with me!!

[OrangeMoon]

Beautiful, lovely, sugar, baby....all just words. ' see you soon,talk to you later, miss you '--words. Don't mind the words when the actions show something negative. Only believe the words when they are backed up with positive action. Otherwise they are just airfillers...

[laura40]

Ask him outright what his feelings are. It does sound like it's fizzling out on his part though.