Girlfriend not intested in sex

[cwamp11]

I've been dating my girlfriend for 5 months, and we started out having a great sexaul relationship. Although I was almost always the one that would inicitate it. As for the last month its been basically no sex (3 Times). Its been causing many fights in our otherwise great relationship. I feel a strong need to have sex in the relationship, and she says that she doesnt have an interest in sex. Also, she states that since shes had her child she has had even less interest. Furthermore, she simply cant understand why it's important to me, and says that she simply has very little desire to have sex. I really have no idea how to manage this situation as I've never bee with a woman that did'nt have a desire to have sex. I fairly good at "reading" people, and I believe what shes saying I just have a really hard time understanding it.

[Captain Obvious]

Doesnt seem like shes ever going to change, if you cant be with someone who doesnt want sex the only option is to walk.

[guynextdoor]

Have you guys rushed into sex very early on in the relationship? Maybe she thinks that is all you care about..

[FathomFear]

I find it rather disingenuous that she'd claim not to understand why it's important to you. Even people with low sex drives should acknowledge that not everyone is this way.

 

While I don't have any direct experience in this area, based on my time on forums like this one I would be inclined to cut your loses now. It rarely seems to get better for people, and the fact that it's happened so early in your relationship is an even worse sign.

[Day_Walker]

I think that you have to chalk this one to sexual incompatibility and move on, if she isnt even attempting to understand why having sex is important in a relationship then she isnt going to be understanding anytime soon.

[oldenoughtoknow]

I agree. Sexual compatibility is a vitally important aspect of an intimate relationship. Being so far off each other's standard, and her not being willing to even talk or compromise, would be a deal breaker for me. Just be grateful it didn't take 5 years to find this out.

[DN]

Seems like a classic 'bait and switch' and since she thinks you won't leave she feels safe in denying you sex. Even if she were to change if you were to tell her you were breaking up with her, would you want to be with someone who only has sex with you so you won't leave?

[donpeel83]

To build on what DN said, if she did change it wouldnt be a long lasting change. Trust me, my last gf and I had a great relationship apart from the sex thing. At the start, sex was great for me with her. Then, it slowed down and stopped. She then had me change a few things around like buying self help books and having a circumcision and still the effort was never returned from her and I was putting loads in to make her feel great and special whilst trying to improve that part of our life. In the end we finished and the sex thing was a big issue because I had unwittingly triggered her insecurities as the last 2 BF's before me both cheated on her and they both grumbled to her about the same things I was moaning about. Now, I would never have cheated on her but ultimatley I tried so hard to turn the situation good and it never worked. In the end I realise now she would never ever change, even for her current BF. People like just wont. She also admitted to me she used Sex to bait me in.....

 

So, to summarise, if she isnt willing to discuss this with you then yes, cut your losses. Its a shame but you will get so down and depressed over this its untrue.

[donpeel83]

I've been dating my girlfriend for 5 months, and we started out having a great sexaul relationship. Although I was almost always the one that would inicitate it. As for the last month its been basically no sex (3 Times). Its been causing many fights in our otherwise great relationship. Furthermore, she simply cant understand why it's important to me, and says that she simply has very little desire to have sex.

 

The more I read this the more it sounds like my ex lol. Sory didnt mean to laugh but seriously, first 5 months was great. yes it was always down to me to instigate (like you) but she was willing and at times she was a nymph in the bedroom and it was great. However, she quickly changed and addmitted she had basically lied about her sexual appetite to snare me. She would also tease me with such things like prmise me a plethora of oral sex after I had revamped her wardrobe for her and bought her shoes only for said favours to never show up. Truth be told that killed my happiness very quickly in the relationship, mainly because i felt duped but she was never willing to put the effort in when i was moving mountains with circumcision and buying these bleeding help bookks!!

[donpeel83]

Hey OP, another thing Iw anted to add is this. I didnt cut my losses despite my head telling me to do so. SO i stayed and kept trying to make things in work and in turn it backfired as my ex saw this as me nagging for sex. So, i was left heart broken as I had tried so hard to make it work and depressed as I had a sexless relationship behind me. Just think things through mate, as honestly they are very unlikely to change!!