Why did he hurt me and why am I so empty now?

[wdhhmsm]

Okay, long story short:

I am a senior in college, I have been with my boyfriend since freshman year of high school. He is the only person I have ever kissed. He was everything to me, I would NEVER have hurt him, I saw our future together and thought about it everyday, he was everything to me, I was so happy. Four weeks ago we went to a party together. He was drunk (but no excuse!) and I saw him go into a porta-john, I watched a girl (that knew I was his gf and told him earlier in the night that it was too bad he had a gf!) go up to it about 10 seconds later, knock, enter, and then lock the door! My heart sank. It was as if my world and my hopes and dreams and everything I had worked for in my life had died right then and there. I ran up to the porta-john. Wondered if I wanted to see what I knew I would see, but knew I had to open it. I slid the "red" part over, and yanked open the door - they were making out, arms around each other. I went ballistic! The next night he apologized to me and my family. I took him back, but it is not the same. He has not drank since then, and I DO believe he has quit for good (since he wasn't really a heavy drinker to begin with). But I just feel so empty inside now. I try to feel happy, and I try to envision our future together like I used to, but it is so hard. I feel so depressed, and always so miserable. I don't know what to do. I don't want to break up, but then there is apart of me that says that I should since he is the only person I have ever known. I am not going to get even, but should I break it off? We were going to last week, but then I couldn't. I am just so depressed, I feel like I am always in a dream, and to make matters worse I have always had anxiety problems....but now it is non-stop worries! Please help! Sorry this ended up long! Also, he graduated from college last year so I am here now, and I have other roomates to hang out with. I know most of you will say to end it, but it is not that simple. I need "real" advice. Thank you.

[Aragorn]

Geee,

 

I suppose everyone has to think "hypethetically" for everyone else...

 

I think you have ALOT to talk about (with your boyfriend).

 

 

I guess the ONE realization is that YES falling in love and being a ABSOLUTE partner happens, but be careful NOT to put your eggs in ONE basket...

 

I did that with MY first and only love... it was HORRIBLE when she ended it... via these posts:

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

I have had BAD anxiety before, do you suffer from this? Have you had it before?

 

 

It is TUFF to know when a bridge has been crossed, and feelings of HURT and LOVE will only cloud a proper descision. Though I think it is VERY common, as you are NOT ALONE (not to be cheesy)...

 

I think you have to decide that, to KNOW if this is something that WILL be repeated (in which case he is NOT worht it at ALL, no matter what!) or if he DOES carry a geniune *love* for you and REALLY screwed up...

 

 

Matt

[dakadave]

So you've been together for 8 yrs ? freshman highschool > sen. college

 

Thats a lot of history. If the relationship is worth saving, stick with it. I don't really understand why people say alchohol isn't an excuse. Have you never been so drunk you don't remember anything what happened the night before until a few days later? Have you never had a friend so drunk that can't walk but still things he can drive 30 miles to his home?

 

Drugs and Alcohol imo while don't release the person from any responsibility however its still a valid excuse imo...

 

I'm sorry you have anxiety issues, and its going to be incredibly tough for him to earn your trust again. Now you have to examine your relationship, is your trust going to be impossible to earn? if it is, end it now.

[Mike_Wazowski]

Wow....Port-a-John......What a romantic Guy! I betcha the next time he cheats he'll take her to where????...The Garbage Dump?

 

Your man sounds like a BIG L--O--S--E--R!

 

I am wondering if he is sorry for his actions because he realizes he made a mistake or because he got caught?????

 

I am just concerned what would have happened if you didn't see him? I wonder how far they would have gone, maybe not that night, but other nights....You just don't Kiss a girl and thats the end of it.....It Always Escalates!

 

keep us informed....