Girls, qualifying (attention seeking?) comments, and some advice needed.

[rbsx]

Hi Guys,

 

I am wondering how you guys would handle this situation that I'm in. For the last few months my ex has been really challenging to handle, from calling me and crying on the phone that she isn't over me, to ignoring me, to all of these other things. Based upon some of her behaviour recently, I decided that keeping her in my life isn't really healthy. None the less, I care for her greatly, but she's done something in particular that really bothers me.

 

Every conversation that we have has some sort of 'qualifying' statement. E.g. 'I bought a new car' - 'I'm sitting at the front row in the club seats at the game' - 'I'm going to go jet skiing on a private lake', or 'I'm at the World Series' or some other thing that basically amounts bragging under the guise of general conversation.

 

The reality is that it's pretty tasteless to me. I come from a wealthy family, material goods don't impress me, rather it gives me the luxury of focusing on who people are as individuals, who they are, their kindness, gentleness and sweetness rather than what they have. Considering modern society's fixation with the material good, it's a refreshing approach on things that I really enjoy.

 

Without getting into details, 3 months ago I lost my job due to the economy, so I decided to return to school. I didn't want to ask my family for help, so I struggled along on my own, this isn't something that I hid from anyone. About 3 weeks ago, I get another passive bragging message from her saying she's at the game, in the first row, in the club seats blah blah blah. Not super impressed, but rather, disappointed in her lack of sensitivity to the issue, I called her out on it and basically we got into an argument and we haven't talked to each other since.

 

Here comes the uncomfortable part. She's been signing onto Skype a lot recently. This was a non issue for a long time since she never used it. She knows I'm on (she's only got 5 people on her skype, I know she's on. She hasn't deleted me, I haven't deleted her. I'm not really sure what to do about it.

 

On one hand I think I should just delete her, on the other hand, I also feel that I should talk to her about what's going on. I'm fairly certain she's been thinking about it too.

 

Just not sure if it's worth it any more. The reality is that I don't have even a month or a week to try to explain to this girl what's appropriate, I'm so busy on my own already, and the fact is that at 24 I shouldn't have to be explaining some of the stuff that I am. It's so tacky and unattractive.

 

The only other thing left to say is that this has been a supremely disappointing experience.

[In the Dark]

Does she actually want you?

You say she has cried over the phone saying that she isn't over you.

 

Because by the sounds of things she is trying to make you jealous in some strange way by letting you all the things she is doing, done or acquired which requires a substantial amount of money.

[rbsx]

Does she actually want you?

You say she has cried over the phone saying that she isn't over you.

 

Because by the sounds of things she is trying to make you jealous in some strange way by letting you all the things she is doing, done or acquired which requires a substantial amount of money.

 

Yeah she called me a few months ago and spent 3 hours on the phone blaming me for our break up and saying that she wasn't over me and thinks about me all the time.

 

I just don't dance to her fiddle like every other guy will. I think that to a certain extent I'm the Yin to her Yang.

[LDRohnos]

The way she's handling it is (in my opinion) typical of someone who is having trouble letting go while still in contact with an ex. She's trying to reinforce her own self-esteem by communicating to you that she's doing fantastic and these are all the things she's doing while not with you. She's probably in the dumps when it comes to matters of the heart and she's just trying to pull you down with her. Perhaps to get you to send her an ego-boosting message back.

 

Is it worth it if you're over her? Not at all.

 

Should you continue contact with her? Probably not. At least not now.

[rbsx]

The way she's handling it is (in my opinion) typical of someone who is having trouble letting go while still in contact with an ex. She's trying to reinforce her own self-esteem by communicating to you that she's doing fantastic and these are all the things she's doing while not with you. She's probably in the dumps when it comes to matters of the heart and she's just trying to pull you down with her. Perhaps to get you to send her an ego-boosting message back.

 

Is it worth it if you're over her? Not at all.

 

Should you continue contact with her? Probably not. At least not now.

 

Well, I know that when she broke up with the last guy she was seeing, she called me first. I couldn't deal with her up and down shenanigans, so she called another guy she dated before me, and now it seems their talking again.

 

It's the commodification of men that bothers me the most.

[LDRohnos]

Well, I know that when she broke up with the last guy she was seeing, she called me first. I couldn't deal with her up and down shenanigans, so she called another guy she dated before me, and now it seems their talking again.

 

It's the commodification of men that bothers me the most.

 

Then you need to detach yourself from the situation. It's apparently affecting your mood and your state of mind, yet you have no responsibilities towards this woman anymore and certainly not towards a relationship with her. Ask yourself what is keeping you from running from an obviously unhealthy situation.

[rbsx]

Then you need to detach yourself from the situation. It's apparently affecting your mood and your state of mind, yet you have no responsibilities towards this woman anymore and certainly not towards a relationship with her. Ask yourself what is keeping you from running from an obviously unhealthy situation.

 

The answer is fairly simple actually. Hope. The fact is that I was a disillusioned guy for a long time, this girl helped me out a lot, similarily she was the person to take it away again. Somehow, I fundamentally believe in the goodness in all people.

[LDRohnos]

Well it seems that you're still using her as an emotional crutch. Have you tried finding other ways to reinforce your self-esteem and confidence? When you rebuild yourself her comments and texts won't mean anything anymore because you won't require her validation or support. She's not giving you any so it's time to find another source, that being yourself.

[rbsx]

Well it seems that you're still using her as an emotional crutch. Have you tried finding other ways to reinforce your self-esteem and confidence? When you rebuild yourself her comments and texts won't mean anything anymore because you won't require her validation or support. She's not giving you any so it's time to find another source, that being yourself.

 

Don't need her validation or support, I'm doing fine on my own. She hasn't been an emotional crutch for a long time, even before we had broken up. I just have a hard time seeing someone who I know has the capacity to be a good person, be such as * * * * * head instead.

 

I mean, I get her overreaction, no one likes to have a glass of cold water poured over their head, but I'm not someone to sugar coat things either.

[In the Dark]

Is there any difficulty in deleting all forms of contact?

Just been looking over your past threads and it seems she has had a hold on you even though you are getting on with your life.

[LDRohnos]

If you're asking why she's being a jerk, you just need to accept that even the people we once cared about can turn into someone who (even subconsciously) be out to harm us. She isn't going to be a good friend or a supportive person for you right now. She's obviously still harboring very jaded emotions and feelings towards you.

 

You're moving on with your life but you still have a string attached to your former relationship with her. Really you have to cut that string if you want to fully move on, her presence in your life isn't a healthy one. In any aspect.

[rbsx]

Is there any difficulty in deleting all forms of contact?

Just been looking over your past threads and it seems she has had a hold on you even though you are getting on with your life.

 

Yeah, I think deleting her is the right choice. My main reason for believing is that if someone can cry over something, and not do anything about it, they never will. What's the point in shedding tears if you're not going to change the situation?

 

It's not a choice that I want to exercise though. But it's the right one nonetheless.

[In the Dark]

It seems what she is doing is having impulse moments where she's having a tough time with something or someone, remembers you then proceeds to call you remembering you were the best bf for whatever reason she has.

 

But.....

 

Due to what she wants right now or even for a few years to come, whether this be a primal urge or whatever, she can not stick to you.

 

So she maybe still in contact to keep you at a reach.

She may know that her being in contact may hamper your progression or any initiation with any future relationships.

 

I had a feeling you have difficulty cutting her off for whatever reason.

 

I know that sometimes we hang on to people who are toxic to us even when we seem to be moving on.

[rbsx]

It seems what she is doing is having impulse moments where she's having a tough time with something or someone, remembers you then proceeds to call you remembering you were the best bf for whatever reason she has.

 

But.....

Due to what she wants right now or even for a few years to come, whether this be a primal urge or whatever, she can not stick to you.

 

So she maybe still in contact to keep you at a reach.

She may know that her being in contact may hamper your progression or any initiation with any future relationships.

 

I had a feeling you have difficulty cutting her off for whatever reason.

 

I know that sometimes we hang on to people who are toxic to us even when we seem to be moving on.

 

I think that you hit it right on the head right there. She knows I was the best she's had and wants to indulge and bask herself in it when it suits her.

 

She's admitted it many time that I'm the most attractive and sweet guy she's ever dated, but she knows I won't let her have her cake and eat it too, I believe in accountability and responsibility and I refuse to be that party dress she wears once a year when she feels like it. She's going through a time in her life where she wants to be really selfish and she knows that's something that someone with my values won't tolerate.

 

Like I said, I'm the yin to her yang.

[In the Dark]

I think that you hit it right on the head right there. She knows I was the best she's had and wants to indulge and bask herself in it when it suits her.

 

She's admitted it many time that I'm the most attractive and sweet guy she's ever dated, but she knows I won't let her have her cake and eat it too, I believe in accountability and responsibility and I refuse to be that party dress she wears once a year when she feels like it. She's going through a time in her life where she wants to be really selfish and she knows that's something that someone with my values won't tolerate.

 

Like I said, I'm the yin to her yang.

 

Most likely.

I'm assuming she is in her early twenties or around that age?

 

From my experience I know a fair few females in their early twenties who are like this if men fall at their feet in abundance ready to pamper, have new and exciting adventures at their expense which makes the choice of staying with one great guy not worth it.

[rbsx]

Most likely.

I'm assuming she is in her early twenties or around that age?

 

From my experience I know a fair few females in their early twenties who are like this if men fall at their feet in abundance ready to pamper, have new and exciting adventures at their expense which makes the choice of staying with one great guy not worth it.

 

Sir, you are absolutely right, and the fact is that there are 1000 other guys that will fall to her feet. I'm not one of them, and I've told her she can never expect me to be one of them, and if she wants to be in my life she's gotta change her expectations. I won't fall to her feet, but I can provide an awesome life.

[In the Dark]

I guess I can relate from past experience.

 

All I can say is forget about her and don't wait up in anyway.

 

Not knowing and not being in contact with this girl regardless of how special the moments were before you found her to become who she is now are the past.

 

She's moved on to what she is doing now.

It may not be to find someone, it maybe to be in the scene she is in with these guys and enjoys their behavior which you will not mimic.

 

She's most likely currently wanting the type of guy who is great for the moment but not forever.

 

Don't wait around while she does this because she IS going to do this regardless of being in conflict with knowing you were the best bf she had because she wants what she wants now.

In that sense it is painful to know be in any form of contact.

Kind of like a constant dull ache which is not obviously crippling but it's there enough to cause a degree of pain.

[rbsx]

Well this just got way more interesting, got a text from her brother today saying that he misses me and wants to fly up to see me sometime soon. When I said his sister wouldn't like that he said "She's just going to have to deal with it then, and if anything, she'll be jealous and can go fvck herself."

[In the Dark]

Well it's good that, her Brother can separate from the dramas and not take her side based on the saying 'Blood is thicker than Water'.

[The Man Who]

I'd delete her from your skype and move on man. There's nothing worse than people who think they are better than you and they rub your nose in it with materialistic bragging. She is coming accross as a smug, arrogant female and I know if a bloke was to do that to be like that with me that I'd enjoy taking him off of his egotistical pedestal. Your still feeding her ego by not deleting her and still responding to her, cut her out of your life completely then sit back and watch what she's like then when your moving on