Physical pain and problems

[AnnaN]

It's been a months after break up.

The first week I was in the "i can't eat, sleep, do anything" state, the first couple of days even my hands were shaking.

 

There are some physical symptoms that are still here and even worse, it is getting worse. I know it's all emotional and start from the mind but it just makes me feel more frustrated.

 

The worse is when I wake up in the morning. The very first second, without making any though yet, my eyes are still closed, it starts. My heart beats so fast, I feel a weight and pain in my chest. Nausea, stomachache, feeling that I have diarrhea or something like this, need to vomit. I end at the bathroom trying to vomit but nothing happens. Before I leave my bed, I try to concentrate, relax, think of some good things. No result.

 

After a couple of hours, depending on what I am doing, it goes away. If I have to start working or studying when it is not over, I can't, I spend an hour or so in front of my books just looking at them. It was so frustrating that I had been thinking about leaving my postgraduate studies, although I tried and spend a lot on them. I still don't know.

I have no energy to do anything, like I am constantly sick.

 

There are moments when I feel better and calm., it takes time and it is usually at the end of the day. It helps talking to friends, but I almost have no one around me the last months, they moved for work or studies. My family lives at 10min so I go there, have launch with my mother, we talk and it goes away. Reading and writing to forums also help, especially at night. Generally I have no problems to fall asleep (it may happen once), although I try to be relaxed at night, drinking some relaxing tea before bed etc) but my problem is when I wake up. I feel like the beats of my heart and the uncomfort feeling (weight, pain) on my chest is what wakes me up.

I don't eat as much as I used to, but I eat. I have lost 6-7 lbs that I need to gain back at some point. The "morning feeling" comes back sometimes during the day, but it usually doesn't last that long, I try to push it away when I know it starts again.

 

Do you experience any problem like this? I know that what I described are also symptoms of stress and anxiety. I was never anxious in my life, even when I had to be! I was always calmed and relaxed, trying not to worry a lot about things.

 

It makes it so worse to have to deal with this situation every single morning. I feel it will never go away. And it is not the consious though of my ex that provokes it, it is just here when I wake up.

[mikhylabelle]

Hi AnnaN,

 

I feel the same way. The morning pains are the worst. Just like today. I barely slept for 3 nights now, and i think i have fallen asleep for an hour or two, because my body just gave up, but i just woke up feeling like my chest is open, exposing my heart, and i could physically feel the pain!

 

I really don't have any advice, because i am still very much in the middle of it, but i know that all of these will pass, and we will all be better again. It will just take time. Hang in there, and just remember that you are not alone. Hugs.

[lavenderdove]

What you are describing in terms of the weight/pain in the chest and dry heaving in the morning etc. are signs of intense anxiety and even panic attacks. It is not uncommon at all to have these at first, but if it is months since the breakup and you are having trouble functioning normally without panic attacks, then it is time to go to your doctor and talk about getting some medication and therapy to help you deal with this. There are anxiety medications that work very well for dealing with your symptoms, and it would be a very good idea to talk to a counselor to help get you 'unstuck' from your grief and get you on the way to healing again.

 

Also, google 'thought stopping' and try to practice it... right now he is just WAY too important to you if he is derailing you like this, and you need to stop obsessing about him. A lot of your symptoms can be worsened by the pressure of trying to hold onto him and keep him alive in your mind, even though the reality is he's not in your life. Anxiety is a sign of mental struggle, and i think part of you is really trying to tell you that trying to hang onto him mentally is literally making you sick, and you need to resolve those feelings and align yourself with the reality he is gone. When you do that, you will be able to find peace, but not if he is desperately circling around in your brain again and again because you are mentally trying to hold onto him and are terrified of letting go. You must let go of him in order to move forward and get unstuck, and the best way to do that is to practice thought stopping and get some anxiety medication and speak to a counselor who is experienced at helping people heal and move happily into the future.

[Raaawr]

It's been a months after break up.

The first week I was in the "i can't eat, sleep, do anything" state, the first couple of days even my hands were shaking.

 

There are some physical symptoms that are still here and even worse, it is getting worse. I know it's all emotional and start from the mind but it just makes me feel more frustrated.

 

The worse is when I wake up in the morning. The very first second, without making any though yet, my eyes are still closed, it starts. My heart beats so fast, I feel a weight and pain in my chest. Nausea, stomachache, feeling that I have diarrhea or something like this, need to vomit. I end at the bathroom trying to vomit but nothing happens. Before I leave my bed, I try to concentrate, relax, think of some good things. No result.

 

I get this when I think about her. My shoulders feel heavy, my chest tightens and I feel constricted and I can feel my heartbeat in my throat and hear it in my ears. I also end up trying to vomit each morning. I have no good things to think about so it usually weighs me down as the day goes on.

 

After a couple of hours, depending on what I am doing, it goes away. If I have to start working or studying when it is not over, I can't, I spend an hour or so in front of my books just looking at them. It was so frustrating that I had been thinking about leaving my postgraduate studies, although I tried and spend a lot on them. I still don't know.

I have no energy to do anything, like I am constantly sick.

 

Dont try, it only adds to your stress. Go for a walk or watch a film or something.

 

There are moments when I feel better and calm., it takes time and it is usually at the end of the day. It helps talking to friends, but I almost have no one around me the last months, they moved for work or studies. My family lives at 10min so I go there, have launch with my mother, we talk and it goes away. Reading and writing to forums also help, especially at night. Generally I have no problems to fall asleep (it may happen once), although I try to be relaxed at night, drinking some relaxing tea before bed etc) but my problem is when I wake up. I feel like the beats of my heart and the uncomfort feeling (weight, pain) on my chest is what wakes me up.

 

I have left my apartment to go back to my parents house, cant bare to be alone at the moment. I dont really talk to them as I feel Id burden them but helps to know they under the same roof. Writing on here during work is all that keeps me sane. My job can be terribly slow so i think too much. It will take me hours to sleep amd then Ill wake up a few hours later and that will be it for me that night.

 

I don't eat as much as I used to, but I eat. I have lost 6-7 lbs that I need to gain back at some point. The "morning feeling" comes back sometimes during the day, but it usually doesn't last that long, I try to push it away when I know it starts again.

 

I feel hungry but as soon as I have good infront of me I cant eat it and feel sick. I force myself to eat it but it just tastes like nothing.

 

Do you experience any problem like this? I know that what I described are also symptoms of stress and anxiety. I was never anxious in my life, even when I had to be! I was always calmed and relaxed, trying not to worry a lot about things.

 

Very much the same. I wasnt even nervous for my exams in school. Now Im nervous and anxious all the time. Its waiting around for her answer even though I already know what it will be.

 

It makes it so worse to have to deal with this situation every single morning. I feel it will never go away. And it is not the consious though of my ex that provokes it, it is just here when I wake up.

It will go away eventually. It has to. You should get up and get active as soon as you wake up. Lying there will only give you time to think.

[mossurf]

Hi AnnaN.

 

This is all very normal. I went through the same thing and I'm still feeling most of the symptoms you listed. You can't imagine how emotional trauma can affect your body...psychosomatic symptoms It's also a vicious circle. You are in trauma so you don't eat well, your stomach will suffer, your body will be tired because it's not getting the amount of energy it requires so it makes you even more tired - no energy. I went to see my doctor and although I've never taken any, he presrcibed me some anti-depressants for a couple of months. This is because it was affecting my work and could have spiraled into something worse. I feel much better today because it does erase a lot of the symptoms but it doesn't do all the work. You need to put your mind to it too. Easy to say when you feel your world has crumbled but I felt much better once I started taking the AD and I started thinking about working out, invite some friends over and cook them nice dinners...which I enjoyed bcause it was the fruit of my work AND I spent energy going to the shop and cook! It won't happen within a day...It's been 3 weeks for me and I started seeing a bit of light last week. Be patient with yourself and accept you are grieving and your body is responding in its own way - it's natural. The fly or fight symproms It's a time when you need to think about yourself first, about your health. So if I were you I would go and see your doctor. If you don't want to take AD, that's fine but you need to realize you are not a depressive person, you are suffering from reactive depression which is different which will not last long. Your doctor may also get you to do a blood test to see if you're not missing any vital vitamins...iron, magnesium supplements could help too. And he may want to check your Thyroid too. Trauma can affect your thyroid and it could go all bonkers and not regulating your body well enough (hands shaking, sweating at night, being tired are typical symptoms). Nothing serious of course...just all normal! Keep posting here and let us know how you feel. And of course, sleep as much as you can, if you're tired during the day then sleep don't fight. When you feel a bit better, go for a jog and you'll see you'll start to feel hungry again. Anyway...good luck and keep your chin up.

[deeplongbreath]

I agree with everyone, you need to talk to your doc about all these things. They're obviously BU related, but it's best to take care of yourself now and not let your sadness and despair create more and more problems.

 

I for one have gone through anorexia after a breakup in 2007, which caused inability to go to work (couldn't stand up). My family and friends were extremely worried. When I got back to work I still looked like a zombie, so people would pity me and constantly talk about my ex boyfriend. Ugh. Not pleasant, and not helping. It took like 3 months before I was able to eat properly again.

 

Anyways... new breakup, new problems. I now have thyroid disorders. I eat like I've been starving for days, gain weight of course (too much, yuk), I'm always cold, etc. But, but... one positive side effect though! I sleep like a log, so it's giving me a chance to say my final goodbyes to sleeping pills, yay

 

Your body will always speak for you. Even if you feel you're "okay" (like I do) because you haven't been crying for weeks/months and have a positive attitude on the whole, it says you're not, well not as much as you think or pretend to be. Can't fight against nature...

 

You take care AnnaN, and keep us posted.

[AnnaN]

Thank you for your answers. It's good to know I am normal and not the only one and that I am not just a weak person that can't handle a situation like this.

It's so frustrating because I want and I am trying to move on and I want this to be over and start living again. I feel hungry,too, sometimes but when I have the food in fron of me, I just can't, but I force myself to eat because more problems is the last thing I want now. I plan to see a doctor, I gave me one or two more weeks to feel better. I was at the university last week when I saw the poster about the councelling service and psychological support to students. I had a friend that used this service when her father died and she was really stressed, they had been very supporting. She only used her regular doctor for the med prescriptions and she was going there for support and councelling.

I thought to call and arrange a date there as a first step before seing a doctor. I didn't...

[mossurf]

AnnaN,

 

 

It's so frustrating because I want and I am trying to move on and I want this to be over and start living again

Don't fight, accept it and float. It will drain you otherwise. Accept how you are feeling. Every single person on this forum is feeling the way you are in some way or another. When I felt really bad and I still do a bit, I would keep a log of every symptoms I felt and how sad I was on a scale from 1 to 5. I used an excel sheet and did this 3 times a day (morning, afternoon, before going to bed). Just by writing it down it's a form of understanding your body, what it's telling you and accepting it. It went up and down over the 3 weeks but I noticed is that it went more up than down so on the long term it was going up This may be a little too scientific but you can always keep a journal and you'll definitely be laughing at it in a few months or even weeks!

 

I plan to see a doctor, I gave me one or two more weeks to feel better

Don't wait...go asap

[AnnaN]

What makes me feel worse is that I try every day. But the feeling and the emotions are there and have an impact on my health. I go to bed relaxed, feeling better and in the morning I am still at the same place. And I have to struggle for hours in order to be functionable again, I feel and fear that I won't be able to stand up or walk in the street. There were times I felt dizzy, like I was going to pass out and needed to sit for a while in order to feel better.

[magnoliatree]

What you are describing in terms of the weight/pain in the chest and dry heaving in the morning etc. are signs of intense anxiety and even panic attacks. It is not uncommon at all to have these at first, but if it is months since the breakup and you are having trouble functioning normally without panic attacks, then it is time to go to your doctor and talk about getting some medication and therapy to help you deal with this. There are anxiety medications that work very well for dealing with your symptoms, and it would be a very good idea to talk to a counselor to help get you 'unstuck' from your grief and get you on the way to healing again.

 

I agree with lavenderdove. You need to look out for your well-being, you cannot let this breakup take a toll on your health any longer. I know that you are sad, but please see a doctor - your health is really paramount.

[Grace696]

AnnaN,

 

I went through a similar thing with physical problems, with the same cycle of feeling sick when I woke up - nausea, churning gut, sense of doom. For me it was definitely anxiety. Know that it will lessen, and eventually go away. I make myself get up, make a cup of tea, and sit down and journal with the tea, then go for a walk, and after this I feel a little more positive.

 

I definitely recommend counseling/therapy too. My therapist recommended something to deal with this feeling sick in the morning thing: every morning take a stop watch, and do a 30-second then 1-minute period where you focus on the feeling, on really feeling it as much as you can, enlarging it, and then describing it to yourself. Where is it in your body? Does it move? How big is it? Is it hot or cold? What images come to mind when you feel it? Then you aren't fighting the feeling, you're feeling it, but you are giving yourself some distance from it by moving far enough away from it to be able to describe it. Do it in these minature bursts and see if it changes. I found this helped.

 

Good luck, AnnaN. You'll get through this!

[harvej]

Anna, it will get better. Here is what helped me. Take an Advil PM at night. This will take care of the pain, and allow you to get a restful sleep. Since advil will make you a little groggy in the morning, your first thoughts wont be about the breakup. Get out of the house an take a walk immediately. Listen to yotube advice videos.

[AnnaN]

I saw a doctor, he proposed to take some kind of herbal tablets for a week, and then come back. in case it doesn't get any better, we'll see for medication.

He suggested taking 1-3 during the day or before sleeping. I took one but I can't really tell now, I have to try them in the morning where things are really difficult!

[lemsip]

I had never been prone to anxiety before my breakup but when it happened *BOOM* - all the symptoms you described. I lived in a constant state of fear and dread for no reason, nervous all the time. So horrible, never want to feel like that again.

 

Was determined not to go on anti-depressants but the doctor prescribed me half-inderal LA which is a beta blocker. It helped enormously. I took it for 3 months then stopped and I'm not on anything anymore. I also went to CBT which I can't recommend enough. Sometimes we have to take the steps to make ourselves feel better.

 

Above all though, keep telling yourself that this is short term. You won't feel like this forever. x

[journeynow]

I don't know why our bodies react so strongly, but it seems to be a natural phase of breaking up or grief. Try changing your routine from what you're used to. Rearrange your bedroom so your sleep setup is not the same. (I slept in my living room for a phase.) Rearrange your morning activity so there is something new to look forward to as soon as you get up. If possible, meet friends for coffee or an early morning walk. (It's a great time to develop new friends, too.) Sitting in a cafe with a sketchbook is a good practice, even if you don't draw. It get's your mind off your thoughts and is sort of meditative. Even sitting and doodling in a public place helps to shift one's mood. (Fill a whole notebook. You'll feel like you've made some kind of progress.) Volunteer to walk someone's dog (or get paid to)...it's a great distraction and mood lifter. Anything to shift your usual morning pattern and to give a focus right away will help.

[lemsip]

Try changing your routine from what you're used to.

 

This is very important. Try everything. In the initial stages, everything (and I mean everything) reminded me of my ex. Even TV programmes that we used to watch together etc. So I started watching Big Bang Theory cos I had never seen it, and that meant we had never seen it. And I love it! It sounds ridiculous, but that show has been seriously part of my healing! It's little things like that. I guess it's all about creating new memories and new experiences that the ex doesn't feature in. That's why it takes time to heal - to build up these experiences.

[Grace696]

I had never been prone to anxiety before my breakup but when it happened *BOOM* - all the symptoms you described. I lived in a constant state of fear and dread for no reason, nervous all the time. So horrible, never want to feel like that again.

 

Was determined not to go on anti-depressants but the doctor prescribed me half-inderal LA which is a beta blocker. It helped enormously. I took it for 3 months then stopped and I'm not on anything anymore. I also went to CBT which I can't recommend enough. Sometimes we have to take the steps to make ourselves feel better.

 

Above all though, keep telling yourself that this is short term. You won't feel like this forever. x

 

lemsip, can you tell me more about what a beta-blocker does for anxiety?

 

The therapy I've been having is also CBT and I think it is the best form of therapy I've ever tried. It is very practical and solution-focused.

 

Let us know how you get on with the herbal tablets, AnnaN.

 

journeynow, I like the idea about sitting in a cafe with a sketchbook - I'm going to try this myself. There is something helpful about sitting in a public space. Last time I was going through this I would go and sit on the beach by myself, and even though in some ways it made me feel sad and lonely to see the families and groups of people having fun and being carefree (along with that whole "oh god, I'm never going to have a family now" thing) in a strange way I felt connected to these people, as a human being suffering as we all do, and I took a strange comfort in this feeling of connection.

[AnnaN]

I sleep to a different room of the house since the break up, where there is a single bed, like me! I know how it may sound, it's been 5 weeks, but I haven't changed the sheets yet on the bed where we used to sleep together, and slept the night before the break up. I have to do something to that room, make a dramatical change, it was a room only for sleep and relax, I only enter there to grab something or clean, I haven't laid on that bed again.

I never hear songs, sad songs about love for the obvious reasons, and all the rest because they remind me of the parties, the nights out, the driving accross the town singing together whatever was on the radio.

 

I also feel guilty and kind of useless that I need medication to control my anxiety and be able to function again. I thought I was strong. Having to go through this because of a guy makes me feel worse.

[lemsip]

lemsip, can you tell me more about what a beta-blocker does for anxiety?

 

 

Lots of stuff on google could tell you more, but essentially beta blockers make it much, much less likely to get nervous. In the same way a local anesthetic will numb your skin/flesh, beta blockers will numb the receptors that cause nervousness/anxiety. You don't know you're on them at all: you just don't feel nervous anymore (ie. you feel normal)