i need advice badly! please anyone?!

[AlexisMacabre]

My husband and i arent divorced yet and divorce has not been filed but im pretty sure it will be sooner or later, we have been separated since the middle of october when he suddenly out of nowhere told me he didnt love me anymore, about a week later he meet an old elementary school buddy and well they started dating i guess, she doesnt live in our town and she has 2 kids of her own and is married but i think is separated also.

 

i was very upset because he left me out of no where and everything was going good, with us, for example no fighting or arguing and we were always having a good time, didnt seem like anything was wrong so i was caught off guard and i was in shock.

 

anyways, days went by and we didnt ever talk, i tried talking to him to see what went wrong and he said he doesnt know and it was nothing i did that he just stopped loving me as a wife/partner.

 

anyways, im living with my in laws right now until i can get on my feet and take care of myself and our son, we spoke last week and i told him that i was going to let him go and that i was gunna respect his relationship with this new girl and he said thank you and that i need to move on also and that we could be friends, i was happy that we were friends, we became friends again on facebook and so on and well i started moving on and talking to a new guy, my ex found out and said he was happy for me and we talked for a while through text then i told him i would talk to him later and he told me alright, i wasnt expecting a text at all from him then it was almost going to be 1 in the morning and i got a text from him asking what i was doing then he started asking me about this new guy, i didnt know why he has texted so late and wanted to know so much so i just told him, this went on for 3 days, i never texted him but he would text me asking what was up then it would end up with him asking about this new guy, well one day went by and no text and i didnt text him so i didnt care and then the next day i had told him something about our son that he has to come first before his friends or anyone and he flipped out on me then later on that night he called i ignored it then he texted me telling me off and then sent a pic of him burning our marriage license, which i had posted about in another thread, anyways i just told him to have fun with that and i guess it upset him more, he blocked me on facebook and everything and well i didnt care cause he was being an ahole.

 

i have no idea where this came from at all, he even told my friend that had asked him why he was doing all that stuff, that i was worthless and that i can be replaced and i was confused cause i thought i had already been replaced by that girl he is with now, anyways today he told me some more mean things, said he hated my guts and made up a bunch of excuses why and every single one was different, he couldnt even keep a straight story, anyways im just so confused and i have no idea where any of this behavior came from when things seemed good,

can anyone help me understand what happened here?

 

please and thank you, this is plaguing my mind!

[offplanet]

Are you sure he met that new woman one week after the breakup, rather than some time before? She might have been the reason for him 'not loving you anymore'. Maybe she didn't work out, and he then became jealous of you seeming to be getting along ok without him, with a new guy. Maybe that's making him angry with you, because his isn't working out, while yours is, thus the bitterness towards you. His gesture of burning the marriage certificate seems to indicate bitterness, and that he still has feelings about you or about the marriage. That doesn't mean you could or should get back together, but he has some issues. Maybe his freedom isn't making him as happy as he expected.

[lavenderdove]

I'd say odds are about 100% he was talking to and/or seeing this 'old friend' of his before he left you. He probably left so he could spend more time with her, and maybe she decided not to leave her husband.

 

Or maybe your husband is just a jerk who wants to sleep around, but expects you to be waiting in the background in case he changes his mind. And he's responding like a teenager to getting 'rejected' by you for another man, when the truth is he left you! He really just behaving like an immature jealous jerk, which is actually funny considering how he left you to take up with someone else.

 

I think what happened here is he probably had an affair with that other woman while you were married, then left you to pursue her, and he either discovered she wasn't worth it or she decided he wasn't worth it and dumped him, and now he's got a serious case of sour grapes because things didn't turn out the way he hoped (with her being worth leaving you for).

 

So you need to try to have a rational conversation with him to ask him why he's behaving this way when he left you for someone else and hence it was his choice to break up the marriage and not yours. He may calm down and talk rationally to you eventually, or he may not, but all you can do is try to be the voice of reason and talk it through with him. You also want to talk to an attorney about filing for divorce, because he could now file for divorce and claim on grounds of adultery if you are seeing someone else now (and he is not).

[Mellie]

I think that the idea that you would meet someone else was all well and good when it was just an idea. It would have eased his conscience telling you to go meet someone (big of him to give you permission, hey). Once that became a reality, it came as a brick to the head to him - "Whoa, I can be replaced - WTH?!!". The dumper goes out riding a big wave of ego. You just knocked him off it.

 

Yes it's completely hypocritical and he's being a complete jerk. People don't act rationally where emotions are concerned. At least this proves something - you got to him. Whether that says he still loves you or it's just his ego that's been bruised, there's no way of telling, but after 4 years together I find it hard to believe there were no feelings there whatsoever. Maybe he just took you for granted.

 

As for the school friend, yeah, like the others, I think he's been chatting to her for a while. Probably reconnected with her on FB and feels all nostalgic. Of course if that's the case he'll have his rose tinted specs on and she'll be a vision of perfection. Sounds like he doesn't cope too well with reality so I wouldn't be surprised if that didn't last long.

 

You know, whatever is going on between the two of you he really needs to grow up. You have a kid together. He needs to start acting like an adult, not a petulant child. He really sounds like a bit of an idiot. If he's going to carry on like that, I'd say it won't be long before you realise you're better off without him. You know, it's not inconceivable that this will ultimately benefit you more in the long run. As the old saying goes, maybe someday he'll wake up and realise how much you meant to him, when you're lying next to the man who always knew. Life has a funny way of levelling the playing field. Keep that in mind and keep your chin up.

[AlexisMacabre]

to everyone who replied thank you all so much!

im not sure if he was talking to her before we split because i had access to all his accounts even his phone and they didnt become friends on facebook until after we separated and he never had any texts or calls from her until after we were done also, but maybe he could have been talking to her somewhere else.

all i can say is that yes, he is acting very childish, i dont bother him with getting back together and all i wanted was to be friends but he acted like a baby about that too, im not going to play games thats why i decided to move on like he said, he's done this before and ive given him chances but this time, im sorry but its not gunna be good for him if he does end up regretting it, i cant say how i will feel in the future but right now im just not having it.

im just still so confused about everything, it was very weird.

i saw him earlier real but it was just like a run in and he looked like poop, i guess him and this girl didnt work out cause when i would see him before he looked like a million bucks, i feel sorry for him and of course i care and love him but im not taking this anymore.

[Mellie]

He could have set up other accounts you didn't know about BUT - whatever. It doesn't actually matter and it's not worth losing sleep over - the end result is the same and it is what it is.

 

Sometimes they get a bit of a shock too when we don't chase them. Like they're pulling on a rope really hard and suddenly they realise it isn't attached to anything and fall flat on their face.

 

She could have gone back to her husband/the reality may not be so rosy or any number of things but the fact of the matter is he decided to leave you. He has to deal with the consequences of that.

 

Well done for keeping yourself so together.

[AlexisMacabre]

He could have set up other accounts you didn't know about BUT - whatever. It doesn't actually matter and it's not worth losing sleep over - the end result is the same and it is what it is.

 

Sometimes they get a bit of a shock too when we don't chase them. Like they're pulling on a rope really hard and suddenly they realise it isn't attached to anything and fall flat on their face.

 

She could have gone back to her husband/the reality may not be so rosy or any number of things but the fact of the matter is he decided to leave you. He has to deal with the consequences of that.

 

Well done for keeping yourself so together.

 

thank you!

i mean it is difficult at times but i have more dignity for myself right now then ive ever had before.

[Skeptic76]

Just out of curiosity: Is this guy a drinker?

 

Just want to pitch in some good will for you, Alexis. I know it's some stranger out in cyber-land, but nonetheless I wish you some peace in a difficult time.

[AlexisMacabre]

Just out of curiosity: Is this guy a drinker?

 

Just want to pitch in some good will for you, Alexis. I know it's some stranger out in cyber-land, but nonetheless I wish you some peace in a difficult time.

 

thank you!

a little bit before he left me he started drinking every night almost, his dad is also an alcoholic.

i mean she has come into town to visit once and thats it, since then i havent heard about her, idk if they still even talk lol and we're not on speaking terms right now because of his childishness and im not about to go and beg for him to be friends with me or talk to me.

he's so immature.