My Hot Roommate

[littleL_RN]

Jealousy has never been a huge issue for me, but there's been something bugging me for a few weeks.

 

In September, I moved in with a roommate who is, by all accounts, a very beautiful girl. We definitely get along and living together has been working perfectly. Every now and then, we go out in the city.

 

Recently, she came along to a concert for one of the acts my boyfriend plays guitar. A couple of his musician buddies were fawning over her (with good reason). But lately, I've been getting twinges of jealousy with how much my boyfriend mentions it. Mind you, he has never outright said, "She's hot." But if there is any mention of her name, he'll immediately say "Tom calls her 'the hot one'" or "Yeah, my friends are all about her," or ask about her dates.

 

I don't really know why it's bothering me so much since I have always been content with my looks, very happy with my relationship, and get along well with his friends. But it's like I'm almost tempted to say something immature like "Obsess much?"

 

And the thing is, while I think she's a good person, I also know she has her deal-breakers (like drinking to excess more times than not). This past weekend, my guy went out of town so she asked me to be the buffer on one of her many meetings with a potential suitor. By the time he met us, she was already 2 beers deep and, despite telling me she thought he was very attractive, she was doing more drinking than talking to the point where I had to get her water. Needless to say, her date and I did more talking and actually had a great conversation. The whole way home, she kept saying "oh, he thought you were amazing. He kept talking to you." The reality is that it was probably because I was the coherent female at the table, but I almost wanted to tell my boyfriend the details just to put him off of her.

 

I hate falling victim to the comparison game, but I don't want to let jealousy fester every time I hear about my attractive roommate. Do I just need to get over it or is mentioning that it bothers me a plausible route?

[WhenWillILove]

Well, you're not the first person going through this. I think just accepting it is best. You really can't do much about it. There will always be girls prettier and younger than you. What are you gonna do, ya know.

Perhaps in the past you've gotten the attention from your boyfriend's friends and now she comes along and steals the show? That could be it. For example, I'm the star of the show when it comes to my boyfriend's baseball buddies. It's very flattering that they ask about me quite often, yet if another girl came along, well, I would feel a little jealousy.

[guynextdoor]

Seriously get over it. No need to be jealous, your bf is with you. He is not flirting with her and even if he does think she is beautiful it shouldn't matter, he is with you. Now if he keeps on mentioning about her or always tells you how hot she is then simply mention it to him it bothers you. Could we have a pic of your roommate for evidence?

[FathomFear]

I don't really know why it's bothering me so much since I have always been content with my looks, very happy with my relationship, and get along well with his friends. But it's like I'm almost tempted to say something immature like "Obsess much?"

 

I'd say that comment would be unwarranted. Just try to remember that your boyfriend is just being honest. If she's as attractive as you say she is, then it wouldn't shock me if your boyfriend's bandmates talk about her a lot--albeit in a rudimentary way ("I'd love to get with her", etc).

 

Ultimately it's just one of those facts of life. There's always going to be people crossing our paths who are hotter than us, regardless of how attractive you might be. You just have to remind yourself that your partner is with you because he wants to be with you, not because you have no equal in the known universe as far as your looks go.

[littleL_RN]

Haha. I totally would post her picture, but I think that qualifies as invasion of privacy...or she's protected under the hot person exposure law.

[littleL_RN]

I agree with you guys. I like to post things here as an outlet, so I don't say anything irrational in the heat of the moment. And I really appreciate unbiased, honest opinions.

 

I know how unattractive jealousy is, which is why I don't want to keep revisiting the feeling. Yes, she's hot, but seriously, I got it when you said it the first 6 times.

[Huntress0527]

OP, I get what you are saying. It's not so much you are jealous but getting tired of hearing about how hot she is. I would get annoyed with that after awhile too. I would say just let it go. At the end of the day everyone has their flaws regardless of what they look like.

[DylanNotorious]

The room-mate's probably sick of being called hot too. She has a brain - must sux that people just can't get past her looks. I think some empathy for her is in order too!

[blackwings]

OP, I can understand where you're coming from. My little sister is very attractive, and my fiance's friends ask about her often. Even my fiance has admitted that she's attractive and it doesn't really bother me because, well, it's true. However, my fiance has never said anything inappropriate or tried to flirt with her in any way, and I don't have a thing for any of his friends so it isn't a big deal. I will admit that sometimes I do get a little tired of hearing about it, but I just let it go. Like everyone else said, there's not really anything you can do about it and your boyfriend is with you for a reason.