Nothing makes sense any more

[darklich14]

Okay, I'm a little past the 2 month mark after breaking up with my first girlfriend ever. The pain is gone, the urgency to talk to her is gone. And she still wants to be my friend -- great! But here's the thing. She's even told me she does want to get back together in the future. Even better?? That's what I'm not sure about. We've gone on numerous walks, talked for hours on end about stuff and it feels so right. She says she's attracted to me, and I'm attracted to her, but how can you just acknowledge it and not do anything about it? I don't even know what draws people together any more or why people get married. I wanted to spend my life with her and stand up for her whenever she needed it and have some sort of a reciprocal behavior, but she's out doing her thing. I tend to search for meaning in everything that happens, and this frustrates her -- she says I complicate everything and that I should just take things as they come. She says I'm an awesome friend and she DOES want a relationship with me when she's ready to commit. Of course this may never happen, and this is why I'm not counting on it, but I would like to improve myself for the better so that I can get away from the constant questioning of what's going on and perhaps get some advice from people on what they believe ends up in marriage, or serious relationships at least. I almost get the feeling that she's not aware of my current mental status -- not sure of anything in my life, but she says I'm attractive in my morals, attitude toward life, body, future, etc. And that's why she's still got feelings for me. I agree with her on many points, but at times it seems like our personalities are completely incompatible. I'm very passive and she's very aggressive, but she agrees that the reason we worked so well together the first time was because "opposites attract." Any feedback on any of these issues would prove most useful in some way or another. Thanks in advance!

 

-Buddy

[mermayd]

I think you are wise to not depend or count on anything huge happening in the future. hoever, I wouldnt reject the idea either. What was the cause of the breakup? Could either of you coommunicate your concerns and try to fufill eachother's needs? These are important questions to ask yourself. When you find the answer to them, you will have a more accurate decision. It sounds to me that she wants to experience variety and life itself before she settles down or finds "the one". You may have entered her life too soon. And this only means that she feels deeply for you but wants to pick things up when she has had more experience with relationships. I just had a conversation yesterday about "opposites attract" and the outcome of the conversation was that in a scientific as well as a romantic aspect, opposites attract because they depend on eachother to satisfy particular needs. It isnt always bad to be opposites, as long as you are compatible and resoursful in the circumstances. Use eachothers positive qualities to help yourself grow. I would stay on good terms with eachother if possible and maybe in the future, when she is ready, things will be beneficial for you both.

[darklich14]

So we've been talking on the phone like every day for a while now. She's asked me to come over to watch a movie, told me I was her longest-lived friend, told me her goal in life is to marry me and have 8 children. All of this sounds good to me. She's going at her own pace getting things to where she wants them. In all honesty, I agree with some people that there isn't a "the one." She's so awesome, and the reward of being in a relationship, in my opinion, is being able to look back and think about all the obstacles you've overcome and still remained together, supporting each other in every last decision you make. This is how I feel about this girl. Stuff is starting to make sense again. It's just the simple things that are so important in the long run. And they're slowly coming back, making my status with her become better and better. I suppose I'm one of the few who has a bright future with his/her ex. Just a little something to all of you with hopes for your ex's coming back. Get on with your life and take things as they come. This doesn't mean going out and finding another person -- that's no way to show someone you want to get back together. If things are going to end up working out, they'll end up working out because things are taken slowly and surely -- not because they'll just pop back together and be miraculously perfect. Take it easy and whatever's supposed to happen will happen.