wise words...

[loulou37]

Hi everyone, just wanted to post this that i found from another thread, i've had a really rough few days but i'm still haniging in there, i read this and it made me see sense:

 

 

 

 

 

Quote Originally Posted by athena3 View Post

I might be...a little more forgiving than some of these posters...or maybe I'm just lacking a good dose of self-worth, but I believe in the good in him, and still believe he genuinely loves me, however stupid that may be.

 

 

 

Marshmlofluff:

In my case, it has little to do with forgiveness. My ex did what he felt had to do at the time and I do not fault him; eventually the hurt will subside--but when it does, I still do not want to be with him. Actually, I still love him--and as I told him when he left me, a part of me always will. Despite his words to the contrary, I do believe he loved me too. I see the good in him very clearly; that is precisely why I was in such anguish when he walked away.

 

But I have learned this also: "love" and "good" are not enough to sustain a relationship. That requires maturity, a commitment, and an inner resolve to carry that commitment through problems and keep the spark alive.

 

And I have learned a few more things, too: That you can see who a man is by what he does, not what he promises; that the best predictor of how someone is going to treat you in the future is not how he promises to treat you, but how he has treated you and others in the past.

 

Sometimes people genuinely do change. But change is hard, and change takes time--and reading all the posts on this board I'd guess its only about one time out of ten that the above rules of thumb fail.

 

Would I invest money where there was a 90% chance of losing it? If not, why do the same with my heart and precious years of my life, which are worth much more than money?

 

 

 

 

loulou x

[Daev]

That's really quite true. I was at the point today of almost giving in and going back to a bad relationship because he says he misses me, loves me, whatever, but actions speak louder than words. Much more. Sigh

[nestorZ]

Would I invest money where there was a 90% chance of losing it? If not, why do the same with my heart and precious years of my life, which are worth much more than money?

 

Amazing, that's a great view on it.

[journeynow]

Thanks, loulou,

 

Those are wise words.

...I have learned this also: "love" and "good" are not enough to sustain a relationship. That requires maturity, a commitment, and an inner resolve to carry that commitment through problems and keep the spark alive.

 

And I have learned a few more things, too: That you can see who a man is by what he does, not what he promises; that the best predictor of how someone is going to treat you in the future is not how he promises to treat you, but how he has treated you and others in the past.

 

Love and Good aren't enough to sustain a relationship, and also it helps to realize that Love ≠ Relationship, they are not the same thing, although it is easy to believe that if you love each other you can make a relationship work. I can see they are not the same.

 

I also agree with watch how they treat others, or their attitude toward others, including family and siblings.

[StrwberryWine]

I've had a few really rough days as well.

 

That you can see who a man is by what he does, not what he promises; that the best predictor of how someone is going to treat you in the future is not how he promises to treat you, but how he has treated you and others in the past.

 

If I had seen through the fog that was my undying love for my ex I would have seen that how he treated me did not match up with what he promised. I wish I could have walked away. I still love him. I still wish we could get back together. But I know deep down he wouldn't treat me any better. It's so freaking hard...

[RastaPasta]

My two cents

 

Love is an action, don't tell me you love me. Show me that you do.

 

Many of us see the good in someone and fall in love, then we see the bad and believe that is not the REAL them. The truth is the good and the bad combined is the real them and you can't be with one part of a person, you have to take the whole enchilada. Loving someone doesn't mean they are right for you. Know your worth.