ASAP -Following letter he contacted - READ- HELP

[tristesse]

Hello every body, Following the letter I sent to my ex,(in French) he contacted me( letter in French as well), didn't give me any explanations.

I have decided to summarize the letters and simply translate them so you can all give me some inputs.

 

Thank you to all of you for reading it

 

My letter basically said

 

Dear J

 

We have laughs and cried and much of my emotions remained unsaid as and I never had the chance to share them with you, and I finally decided to write them to you in this letter which was very hard for me to compose and I thank you for agreeing to read it.

 

I always knew that you were in a difficult situation between me and your family and despite all your empty promises, I understand incontestably that you dealt with a very important decision each person has one day or another make fundamental choices, choices for life.

But I hoped that instead of promising the world and to declare your extreme land burning love for me to my family, that you would have been honest with them and me! A dishonest man creates a hell for other people, and that is what I reproach you!

 

I regret that you didn't includes me in your decision, I am sorry that you did not speak to me a little more about the circumstances and reasons behind this choice so that I can understand how you could make de me wrong while disappearing when I needed you the most and to neglect us all, right before the wedding, without a goodbye, without a word! You became suddenly the victim of black thoughts and ran to hide in the deepest of your cave.

 

I wanted to hear say that you were worried and that you did care and that it was hard for you too. But your regrettable and heavy silence made it possible to decipher your detachment towards us. made it possible to accept that you did not have any regrets and that you had not felt the disappointment that I felt. I know that surely you were ready for the rupture and you had emotionally detached yourself from me in advance, and you surely decided to make it when you knew that you were going to easily assume the consequences of our separation. I know that you even began a new love relation, or can be that it was the reason of your departure... I know that you rebuilt a new life and that you no longer think of your past I felt the lapse of memory in you and that tore me completely.

 

It is true that for me it was much more difficult, I felt your absense . I had to relearn to smile, to enjoy and to love without you. I laughed so much with tears in the eyes and gradually, I saw the indifference settling in me. The sorrow is not as present and vivid but the scars left will never disappear entirely. I would have wanted to be able to erase all the sorrow and betrayal and to keep only the good times. But too long = in my life, I tended to standardize the weight of any kinds of betrayals, to turn it into a simple momentary thing possible to forget but I can't do this and, and unfortunately I cannot erase it all.

 

What I cherished more about you, was your sincerity, honesty and your golden heart and I realize that they are non-existent in the man who you are today or in the image that you offered to us. Because henceforth I do not have this image idealistic and pleasant that you reflected me. You have left us with the image of a self-cantered and selfish person which I had never known before and it is with a great regret and much of sorrow that I admit that the man whom I loved so much is not at all who I had believed that he was. I suppose that I had never considered you so weak or I did not want not accepte your weakness or I believed you being too sincere. But I know that the image that I had of you is far from reality.

 

 

Today I accept this break up with confidence because I know now that they are not only our values and beliefs which separate us. Thus I write to you today because I close this chapter of my past and I begin my new life with a sigh of relief. And I will keep in my memories the beautiful pages of this chapter which we wrote together during the 4 years without any regrets. And all the time passed with you, our holidays, our joys, our laughter, our tears will be engraved in my heart for always. I will remember this magic love I felt with you and I also thank you for the friendship that you gave me, even if it was momentary, it gave me the possibility to learn so much.

 

 

I am sorry that we never had a beautiful goodbye. I hoped that if you loves me at least a little, you would have come to tell me good-bye, but you never did and I suppose that for you it is better like that. But me, today, via this letter, I say good bye to you and I close this important and special chapter of my life without caring it in my future. And thus, J I tell you good-bye and who knows, maybe we will find each other soon in another life.

 

 

I wish you to lead an honest life

 

His letter

 

 

Thank you for your letter, I read it and read it many times. I know it wasn't easy for u to write it and took a lot of courage and thoughts. You are a lot more courageous than me, because I am still scared to talk or to write to u, but I wanted you to know that I have received your letter and I accept everything you said,'

 

You are right, I have not always been honest with you and your family, because I wasn't honest with myself, and that's something I regret from the bottom of my heart.

You are right when u say, a dishonest man creates a hell for others and that's exactly what I did to people that I love so much.

 

I am weak, but I never wanted to hurt you like this, I wanted to be strong and be honest with you and to tell you everything, I tried but I wasn't strong enough. I am sorry. Sorry for all the empty promises even thus they were not empty when I made them. I am not going to try to lie and to defend myself because you are right, You know me better than I know myself. But you must know that every time I told you I love you I meant it. That you have done nothing to push me away and that I didn't pretend to love you. It's very important for me that you know this, because you are such an important person. You must know that anybody who has the honore to know you or to get the smallest piece of your love is the luckiest person in this world.

 

I regret many things in my life, many decisions and many thing that I said, but I will NEVER forget the 4 years I spend with you. There not even a day that I regret not even our fights. When I think of you , I always have a smile, and a few tears bec you have taught me t o love, the friendship and joy and above all you loved me for who I was, even thus at the end both you and I didn't know who I was or who I am.

 

I look at our pictures and laugh, smile and cry… I miss it all…I miss you. My head hurts and my heart beats fast all the time, every time I think of the way I left things it kills me. But I know there's nothing I can do or say to change the past. I 'm not asking you to forgive me but please know that you and your family, god how do I say it, there are no words no describe it. You guys are amazing, I didn't deserve to have people like you in my life, and I'm sorry that I wasted your love and time, but I never took advantage of you or your family, and I never forgot what you all did for me.

 

To be honest with you, there are still many thing s I'd like to tell you and do, but it's still too early for me, and I ma still a lost kid. I don't know what I would do if I hear your voice on the phone!

I never wanted to neglect you or ur family, I thought about your sister's wedding a lot, and again I was ashamed, broken promises once again. But I never wanted to hurt you the way I did on purpose.

 

I think of you every day, if you can believe it, I don't know if it's the guilt or the love I have and will always have, but I think of you every day and I ask myself so many questions…… I am such selfish person.. I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't know many things. Yes maybe we will find each other in a another life, maybe I'll be stronger and less selfish.

You deserve the best from everyone and everything. You are the strongest person I have ever met. I am sorry for everything…..

 

 

 

please help

[AngelOfDarknes]

its so sad

[tristesse]

please comment

[RayKay]

Oh WOW tristesse, you did get a truly wonderful reply from him (as you recall, I did read your original letter and recommended sending it) - very heartfelt, and I think he was trying to be terribly honest and bared his soul so to speak. What you did not know/have answers to before, I think you do now.

 

Know this, the harder he tries to forget you, the more he is going to feel for you. I really think after reading that he is going to have a very very hard time leaving you behind forever, even though he might try to force himself too. He admits he is selfish (wow, reminds me a lot of my ex actually in many ways after reading this) and needs to grow up - and this is actually a good thing - he knows the problem is him and it is his fault. And maybe he will, and I am sure you will hear from him again one day. As he said himself, it hurts too much for him to do so. Sounds like he has a lot of respect for you though, and love, and that will be important in the future, and for his memories of you.

 

I feel for you, you should be really touched by his letter though, it shows you are a very special person.

[kungfumaster]

Wow tristesse - there are some beautiful emotions here - you laid your heart out, and he laid his heart there on the table - I think reading this, your letter, you probably didn't expect a response from him - and now that he did - you're asking - what now?? I say, leave it at that. You still have alot of healing to do, because I can feel you are still really hurt. And he has got alot of healing to do too - he is in a place of total confusion now I think. So, just let it be I think. As you said in your own letter, close this chapter now, and move on.

 

In time, there will be forgiveness, in time, there will be new life. Hang in there, and take care.

Kung fu

[caveat]

You are obviously a beautiful, caring person who is willing to give of herself unselfishly. If this 'man' does not have the strength or conviction to even look you in the eye and tell you why he has chosen the road he has taken then good riddance. I'm sorry, but this just really strikes a chord with me.

 

The love you two have for one another is undeniable but he is letting external forces make his decision for him. I know that Jewish families can be extremely resistant to letting non-Jews into the family and I understand that he may be thinking that a relationship between you and him would put the two of you at odds with the family forever more and ultimately create friction between the two of you. But dammit, if a man (or a woman) isn't strong enough to stand on their own two feet and say 'this is what I want. if you don't like it, tough' then they are not the type of person I would ever want to be with.

 

My father is the oldest of 3 boys, born into a 100% Sicilian family with a great deal of history/roots behind it (trust me, the family history/tree is ridiculously storied--knights, cardinals, princes, etc.). It was his supposed obligation to carry on the family name by marrying an Italian woman who would bear sons that would carry on the name. Well, he met my mother when they were both 18 and she had just recently arrived from Japan and didn't speak a word of English. They got set up on a blind date (her host actually PAID my dad to take her to her prom) and he fell head over heels. His family was NOT pleased, not one bit. Not only was she not Italian...she was Japanese, this during a time when anti-Japanese sentiment was still very high.

 

But my dad stuck to his guns even when they DISOWNED him. He did not waver an inch. Not one inch.

 

39 years later they have 4 children (me being the youngest and the only boy), 8 grandchildren (and a ninth on the way)and granted there have been tough times, but they have endured them all. With grace. AFter 3 years my grandfather/grandmother and father finally reconciled and through the years and especially in the last few years of my grandfather's life my mother (despite the alienation and despise that was shown her for years) was by my grandpa's side, helping ease his pain and making sure us (the grandkids) spent ample time with him. She never bore one ounce of resentment.

 

Think about that for a second. 39 years of marriage, 4 children who are all successful (and with the exception of me, happily married with children) and love one another as well as their parents, uncles, etc., 8 grandchildren who all love one another, etc., a reconciliation with the grandparents that ultimately made the entire family all the stronger.

 

How did that happen? MY DAD STOOD HIS GROUND AGAINST TRADITION, RELIGION, FAMILY AND CHOSE LOVE OVER ALL ELSE. He would have died sooner than waver.

 

My point: yes there may be strong forces trying to drive a wedge between the two of you, but if he is not strong enough to stand up to them and act on the obvious love that he feels for you then let him go. You deserve something better.

 

I gotta go call my dad....

 

Caveat

[tristesse]

Wow, Thank you all for your comments. I appreciate every single one of them so much.

 

RayKay: Thank you, you have been a great help, you walked me trough this and I am forever thankful to you. It's true, I didn't get an answer as to why he took this road, but at least I know it's hard for him a as well. Also I am really glad that he has that great image of me, that shows me that I did reflect the best of me and I have no regrets. I truly hope that from now on it will not be easier for him, I know it's selfish of me, but I don't want him to forget me, I still think that he needs to pay the consequences of his actions. I still miss him of course, I think a part of me will always miss him and love him, but in a very different way now. I have not done anything, and I don't know if he did made the best decision for him, but now there's no point of thinking about it.

 

I am closing the chapter, but I am keeping a little hope. Not a hope that will keep me from moving. But I am letting him free now, and letting myself free….I think if we are truly meant to be, and he is meant to be mine, then he would come back to me one day, and nothing would stop it from happening if we are meant to be. But that doesn't mean that I will hang on to that thought, no I will explore, and who knows maybe I'll find someone else, who I would love more and who would love me just as much.. but my destiny doesn't lie in my hand.

 

Caveat:

You are absolutely right, a big part of me is very disappointed, because he did made me believe that he will stand up to all these and that he wanted to show the world that we were not animals: dogs w dogs, cats w cats…..

Thank you fors sharing your dad's experience with me, your dad is a TRUE MAN

 

he STOOD HIS GROUND AGAINST TRADITION, RELIGION, FAMILY AND CHOSE LOVE OVER ALL ELSE.

I admire him for his strength. My ex wasn't strong like your dad, he was and is very weak.. one thing that I underlined in my letter and he confirmed in his.

 

I do want a strong man who will stand up for me and his beliefs.

 

 

It's all hard, but it's getting easier each day. Now I just miss him, a feeling that is normal to feel I guess after spending 4 years with a person. I am also sad because a part of me knows that we could have been maybe happy if there was no religion! But life is not easy and we can't get it all I guess.

 

I am also sad, because I know we both love each other and his decision doesn't really match mine…lol

But what can I do, nothing else but to close it.

I have the beautiful sad good bye that I wanted… now it's time to let go.

I have tears in my eyes, they never go away, but I keep hoping that one day, I will once again feel the joy that I once felt in his arms.

 

Love to all of you

[auburnslp]

I'm really sorry sweet...sorry you hurt...

 

But you are right...now you have that goodbye, you have the sense of closure that will enable you to move on...be strong, close that chapter and walk on...

 

And sweet, you have tears in your eyes now, and I wish I could wipe them away, but know this...you most definitely will find that joy again, the joy you shared with your ex...and it will be even greater...love shouldn't be this hard...shouldn't be easy either, but not this hard and complicated..you will find your undying love one day, I promise. How could you not? You are an angel...

 

Be strong, with love...Michael

[tristesse]

Michael,

Thank you for ur kind words.

You are right, I might feel the joy once again, maybe with stronger man…oh no sorry I meant maybe with a MAN…and not a kid this time.

I did close it. I kept his good-bye letter and I will keep it forever. I think there's no need to reply or do anything.. Now I'm going to lean on time, because one thing I learned going through so much pain and sorrow ids that TIME IS THE ANSWER TO ALL

You're great.

Lots of love

[DragonGirl724]

omg! wow! i know exactly how u feel its unbelievable & at least ur ex had to balls to reply to your letter. mine advoids me( thou he stays telling me 'im not tryin to advoid u') hes advoiding me for the reasons ur ex left.. 'hes a lost selfish person, needs to find himself, & sorry for hurtng me etc..' girl i know how u feel allll too well. its unbelievable! i wished my ex a happy life & said my goodbyes & he said 'u too' & i said bye & he said bye & he immediately hung up. i know what ur ex means that hes nervous about talkin to u, mine is too except mine (as u said->) i think feels its better to just block it all out than to say his goodbyes & say how he feels about me. until they 'find themselves' they arent gonna be happy. & it sucks for us!!!!! b/c we fell in love w/ them & now bein taken on the hardest ride of our lives. WE ARE SURE about our feelings & it sucks they arent!!! i dont understand men, or should i say BOYS! they al need to grow up & be a man! know what they want already b/c they are doin a lot of damage on their journey of self exploration! it PISSES ME OFF! & hurts til no end. but its best they figure things out on their own. its the only way. we, are the victims, & we have to learn from this just as much as they do. we have to understand & relaize they need to mature & get their crap together on their own & its the biggest challenge but it makes it that much more of a success once its all over with. & my ex told me this ill never forget it, (though i want to b/c it was probably all B.S. anyway!) "i love who u are & im gonna want you back one day, if youre still around so to speak." i just dont believe him anymore & distrust turns me off to him. so i dunno where ill be in the future i just wish i never met him wishing u all the best though, just take my advice & leave him be...as hard as it is.... itll break u down before it builds you up. meaning itll get harder before it gets any easier. but if u need to talk PM me anytime. i know all too well what ur going thru. i feel nauseous sometimes b/c i simply miss him so damn much!!! its not heart breaking, its heart SHATTERING!

 

ps: but once again its respectful enuff that hes confiding in you how he feels in response to your letter. i wrote a heartfelt letter to my ex months ago & hand delivered it to his house, & he never even brought it up.... so youre lucky in that sense...my ex is a coward afraid to confront or admit to himself anything thats hard to handle! when i called him w/ the 'be all or end all' phone call he kept stuttering & rambeling. i knew he was uneasy & his abrupt goodbye & hang up, proved it all the more...he wanted out of that situation asap & lucky for him it was as easy as hanging up the phone...he declined seeing me in person when i first started the conversation...even during breakup!! he did it over the phone!! i had to fight w/ him to say ti to my face & he did.......2 weeks later!!! he may be a lotttt bigger than i am & have "all the right equipment" BUT it discusts me til no end that im more of a man than he is at times! makes me sick!!

 

-DG724

[tristesse]

DragonGirl724

I know how you feel, but as you said they are cowards.

It's true they don't know who they are, But in my case, there will be no comingback to anything, because he is sure about his feelings towards me, it's a religion and family issue that time will not change.

 

Try to move on, I know the anger most likely is holding you back, because you wantto know he's hurt. Take comfort in knowing that yo are stronger than him and that he knows it. I know it's a lot easier than said, but I think your ex cousldn't meet your expectations and he knew it. You deserve someone better, someone at your level who knows who they are. Next time you will love, you will love like a true complete women, and will love a true complete man.

Lots of love to you stay strong and PM any time too

[DragonGirl724]

my advice is to stick to the 'no contact rule', i am & its hard as hell, but its the only way the exs can 'find themselves' w/o us butting in....& itll help the healing process in the long run. goodluck babe, i know how hurt u are.

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

tristee,

 

thanks for the comment. sad thing is i think he has insecurity issues b/c he told me 'im hot, im talented im perfect, im fun etc. & hes fat & doesnt know what he wants & how ill find better' AND I TOLD HIM if u loved yourself as much as I love YOU, you'd be a lot happier & a lot more proud of yourself. & his parents told us in front of me too that 'jen's too good for u.' THATS SUCH CRAP THOUGH!!! i think hes a wonderful person, but hes got issues to deal with. ugh! i wish i never met him id be so much better off. he said to me a few times 'i wish i met you a few years down the line instead of now, once i get settled with myself."

 

no one ever broke me down as he did. did i mention that 2 days before he broke up w/ me he told me he had plans to sell his car....& the money he profits with he's gonna make me a young bride.....HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SO UNSURE OF THEMSELVES TO SUCH EXTREMES?!??!!? i dont understand it at all!!!!!

 

-DG724

[tristesse]

DragonGirl724

 

Stay strong... I know how u feel, my ex proposed to me a month before the break up!!!!

There's not much u can do, but to heal urself, the energy u invested on him should now be invested on you.

You will get over this bec u are truly a strong girl and one day, if not him, a better MAN will make u his bride.

Love

[Mun]

Tristesse,

The letter was as beautiful in English as it was in French. Thank you for sharing it--both times. As Caveat has stated, there have been men in history who have given up titles and such to be with the woman they love. When a man wants something or someone bad enough there is nothing that will stand in his way.

 

I think he knows what he has lost-- he has lost more than you.

 

I hope you feel better soon. Be good to yourself.

 

Mon ami vous avez un coeur d'or et vous trouverez quelqu'un quil'appréciera

[tristesse]

Munca,

You think he knows that? I know it wouldn't matter but do u think he will on eday come and ask me to take him back?

He knows what he lost, but doesn't want it enough u think?

I am not sure!

U know sometimes I wonder if I would be srtong enough to say no to him if he did ask me to!

his letter gave me a feeling of confort - but yet I don't know if he truly regret leaving me or the way he left me!

I mean do u think he regrets the way he ended it or the fact that he ended it?

love

[Mun]

Tristesse,

I know you are still hurt, but it shouldn't matter to you that much what he wants right now. He has already chosen.

 

I don't know what he would do in the future. I do think that right now you should be thinking about yourself and what you want. His letter is full of words about how much he has hurt you, but he is not clear about why he was selfish.

 

Try your best to let him go Tristesse, it's the best thing you can do for yourself right now. I know it is difficult, but you must. His reasons don't matter any more when you think about how he left and how much pain he caused you.

 

Be strong.

[tristesse]

Munca as always mon amie you are right! You know I feel strong but sometimes a lose it all you know not in a drastic way but what I mean is that I feel the pain and miss him and want to just hug him tight. And then make myself believe that we were meant to be and that he would come back. But I know I should drive these thoughts away, I should stop them right away. I have to be stronger I know. And you always remind me of this. THANK YOU.

It's hard, it's true but so much better than 2 weeks ago or 2 months ago or 4 months ago. and it would get easier. I am strong I stay awa, I keep away for things that remind me of him, haven't looked at a picture or anything... I know it sounds silly...lol But Yes I will be stronger and stronger and stronger and I will concentrate more on me...me...me....me. I do thinkof me but I do tend to stop fr a moment and think of him ,,,lol u know what I mean... Oh this is a real therapy! Sorry!

Thank you all....

WE CAN ALL BE STRONGER....

LOVE