Lolavanilla Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I've only posted a few times on here and not for a long while. I felt very down with my break-up from a few months ago. Well he finally called! After convincing myself that I would never hear from him again, I did. It was a little awkward at first but to be fair he sounded just as nervous as I did. We had a great conversation and have been talking ever since! Just to clarify we are not back together but we are somewhere in between and this suits me down to the ground. I've been reading peoples post on here with their hope of getting back together and I just wanted to say that when someone leaves they leave for a reason. No it wasn't as perfect as you thought- maybe for you but not for them. NC works because it gives you time to sort your head and heart out without clouding the situation with anger, resentment and bitterness. Do that on your own watch- not with the person you're trying to get back with. I love my ex immensely and he loves me but there are issues we need to deal with. However the overiding thing that doesn't make me angry, or keep me wondering when and if we will oficially get back together is that we genuinely care about if the other is actually happy. I am most certainly not a fallback and I told him in no uncertain terms that this was the case. I am still open to dating others because as far as I am concerned I am not in a relationship. However I am happy to work on building a solid friendship if anything. We have boundaries and we don't keep talking about what went wrong before. We don't flirt but we have chemistery and he respects the boundaries I have set to not let him hurt me again. That was the old relationship and I can see from reading some peoples posts that they want that same old brand new relationship. This isn't the case! Work on starting something new that isn't the same as before otherwise the same problems will arise again. A few years ago I broke up with my first love and he hurt me immensely. In fact we broke up twice before that and I should have seen how unhappy I was in that relationship. I did the begging, the pleading, all the crazy stuff. He ran off with his close friend and now they have a kid. The whole time he had been with this girl up until she got pregnant (So basically the 1st year of their relationship) he persistantly told me he still loved me and missed me. He was a narcissist also and sent me into a breakdown. I had this for a year and ended up hating his guts. I kept wanting to message this girl and tell her what a creep he was, maybe for revenge I guess but my morals always stopped me. Some dumpers will use you to stop themselves feeling guilty and keep control of the situation and this is what he did. When it got to the stage where I did not give a damn about his apology and genuinely had no ill will toward him- suddenly he was so in love with me but by then, I couldn't give a toss and told him to leave me alone and concentrate on his gf. He still messaged me this year asking to meet up and I said no (a month after I told him to never speak to me again and just before his gf got pregnant). After wishing so badly to be with him, the light dawned on me and I had no desire whatsoever to cross paths with him ever again. He is now in the very situation he never wanted to be in, trapped with a kid with a woman he doesn't even really love. That is karma for you. The reason why I have brought my previous ex up is to show that really no two breakups are the same. Maybe some one here will say that I should have stayed NC with my current ex but each situation is different. My former ex was toxic and selfish and actually I had to keep breaking NC for that penny to finally drop for me. My current ex is completely different. His issues are not to do with us and actually he is working to sort them out. Where it will lead I don't know but I just wanted people to understand that the common denominator in any situation is you. Work on yoruself first so you are strong enough to take whatever happens and realise that there is always a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel Link to comment
GreenCupcake Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I don't know who you are but reading all of that made me happy for you. I wish you the best of luck! Link to comment
jbug Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 im also happy for you. how many months is a "few"? Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Sounds like you have your eyes open and are taking it slow. That's the best you can do, along with maintaining your boundaries. Good luck!! Link to comment
Lolavanilla Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 Thanks guys We broke up at the end of August and I hadn't heard anthing from him except one phonecall to him that I made. I sent a few emails but he never responded (however he says he never got them which could be true as I was talking about things I had said in the email and he genuinely had no clue what I was talking about!) He contacted me a few weeks ago by phoning me and since then we've stayed in contact which I'm really happy about Link to comment
GreenCupcake Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 It's amazing when someone gets in touch with you after thinking you will never hear from them again. You just don't know where life will take you - that's for sure. Link to comment
nowIcansee Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 So happy for you and jealous at the same time! It's great to hear some success stories with possible 'new' relationships being formed with ex's. I think you realise though not to rush into 'gettting back together' and take things slowly. BEST OF LUCK. Link to comment
HoliPoli Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 This is nice to hear. I am happy for you. Link to comment
Awoken Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Fantastic news. Wish everyone could put a post up like this!! Link to comment
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