What does she want from me?

[wildlife97]

Sorry for the length...

 

So I went out with a girl my senior year of high school (2006-7), she was a junior at the time. We started out just as friends; she had a huge crush on me almost to the point of an obsession for about a year before we started being together. We were together for nearly all of my senior year and did all of the things that high school couples did. One thing that we did not do was have sex; she would always joke around that she would be a nun. I was her first boyfriend and the reason why we broke up was because she “wanted to know what other guys are like”.

 

Like four months after we broke up she met this guy and started being with him. In the beginning of their relationship if he went out of town we would still hangout. About two/three months into their relationship they started having sex, being an 18/19 year old guy I was pretty upset since I was with her for nearly a year and we never did anything close to having sex and she gave her virginity to him after being together for like two months. She would almost rub it in my face that she was having sex with her boyfriend. About five months into her relationship she started having sex with another guy (cheating) and would also tell me about it. At this point I felt like I was just the ugliest person in the world because not only is she having sex with her boyfriend but also some random guy (who most people think looks like my twin), and yet we never did even though we were together for so long. Even though she was with her boyfriend she asked me to her high school senior TOLO dance. He eventually found out and dumped her saying she was still in love with me. This was in 2008.

 

The past three years she has been in college and we still talk and I don’t really have a problem talking to her about her guy issues, but she has never once asked if I was seeing a girl. One time we were hanging with some friends and a friend of mine asked how I and some girl were doing, my ex immediately stopped talking and asked me to take her home, she never said anything the entire way home. Up until a couple months ago she would still hookup with her other ex every once in awhile, this time last year he got her pregnant and she had an abortion. He really treated/treats her like crap, whereas I basically still to do this day treat her like an angel, which would always confuse me because she would always go back to the guy that treats her like crap. I know she has had sex with quite a few guys; it’s almost as if she is trying to make up for all the years that she was the shy, innocent type. And it still kills me that she won’t even make a move with me. She won’t even give me a hug; it’s almost as if I have like some disease where if she were to touch me she would die. But yet I am always there for her whenever she needs somebody. I am basically her 911 call, when she is having a bad day she texts me, needs to talk she calls me, needs a ride home because she’s had too much to drink she calls me.

 

Last November on the way to the mall we were talking about her and her ex and his current girlfriend. Eventually it led into how she found out that her (my ex) and one of our friends had slept with the same guy. She was really hesitant to tell me who the guy was but she finally did and it made me incredibly mad. It wasn’t the fact that she had sex with someone that made me mad, but who the guy was. The guy is a really unattractive, dirty, loser. She basically said it was a night of drunken sex at some party. And it just upset me that I’m not good enough for her. I don’t want to sound arrogant but I am a good looking guy, her sister and her friends have all told me that I am probably the best looking guy she’s been with, but yet she wont even give me a hug.

 

Last December was her 21st birthday and I was the only guy she invited, even though she has a lot of male friends. She had like 4 of her school friends there, and her older sister and a couple of her friends. My ex basically stood/sat next to me the entire night and kept saying “I’m so happy you’re here” and “thank you so much for coming.” And all night long she kept giving me hugs, which basically tripled the amount of hugs she’s given me in the years since we’ve been broken up. When we left the bar and were getting into the cars to head to an after party she gave me a hug said thanks or something went back to her car looked at me and said “love ya”. We got to the house and she was once again by my side the entire night and when we all left to go home she gave me a huge hug and it was almost as if the hug lasted longer then normal, kind of like a hug that happens when somebody hears bad news or something.

 

This is all so confusing because the way she acted on her bday party towards me is so different from what she’s acted like since we’ve broken up, it was almost as if for that night we were back together because of what she did and said. We’ve all heard the sayings like “a drunk girls actions/words are a sober girls thoughts”. I’ve just been trying to figure out was it the drunk/horny girl that I was with that night or was it the drunk girl who was expressing her actual feelings. I’ve even had one of her friend’s say she hopes we get back together. It almost feels like she prevents herself from getting close to me again, because the one night was she was hammered (21st bday) is the night where it was as if we were back together.

 

What do you all think?

[DN]

I think that if she does ever want sex with you you should make sure she gets tested for STDs first.

[wildlife97]

any other insight?

[Harik]

The more important question is what do you want from her? You have been her friend but it doesn't look like she has been yours - showing no interest in your life, your feelings or respecting your time. You deserve respect and interest and you should speak up about the inequality in the friendship before you consider getting back with her if that is what you want.