Divorce (or Break-up) Ritual or Ceremony for moving on — Have you done one?

[journeynow]

Have any of you held a divorce ceremony or ritual of some sort to help you let go and move on? If so, what did you do? Did you do it alone, or with a group of friends?

[BlueRose66]

I was going to ask that same question because I am going to Hawaii on Thursday and wanted to do something near the Ocean. I thought of gathering stones and holding each one close to my heart, and then allowing whatever thought or feeling needed to be released flow into the stones. And then when ready, casting the stones into the Ocean.

 

And I also thought of writing what I am grateful for and burning a candle and asking for healing both for myself and my ex.... I am still conjuring up ideas so hoping some others have some ideas.

[Carus]

I tied two rocks together and threw them in the ocean*

 

I also had an old table of hers I was sposed to fix.....

I fixed it alright....It's now a pile of ashes in the backyard 8-)

 

Such ceremonies can definitely be carthartic...Burning things is good*

 

Ever Forward

Carus* 8-)

[lemsip]

 

I also had an old table of hers I was sposed to fix.....

I fixed it alright....It's now a pile of ashes in the backyard 8-)

 

haha love this

[butterflyburn]

I am going to do two ceremonies soon for the current ex and the one before him

[Eocsor]

I simply get rid of all the pictures and any leftover possessions that are laying around. Off they go to the trash heap and then I get drunk as a skunk with my friends and toast the new life thats waiting for me.

[northpickle]

Hmm, I have never done this before - it reminds me of when I was 16 and my best mate, after we left secondary school, put all her school books, textbooks and so on in a big pile in her garden and yep, set fire to the lot! She danced around the fire like a crazy woman, haha! It's not something I've ever considered but it obviously works for some people to mark an end to a particular part of their lives

[DerekJason]

although i wouldn't recommend it, what gave me a big push towards not giving crap as much was writing a letter with my deepest feelings, after that i felt more near normal, but as you could prob guess, i didnt get a response haha.

[journeynow]

Thanks for your replies. I'm thinking of doing something symbolic to help bring closure, something that acknowledges the transition. Exploring online, I've come accross divorce ceremonies, rituals, and parties, each with a different purpose, all to aid in moving on. We have rituals for life's major transitions, marriage, death, birthdays, new years, holidays, and I think they serve a purpose on a deep level (some more than others).

 

Receiving the divorce papers were symbolic for me yet brought memories and new waves of sadness. I'm feeling better now, but like the idea of something symbolic, alone or with a small group of supportive friends. Some ideas are burning something old (bonfire, perhaps), burying something symbolic of the past, planting a new seedling, ...and although I'm not much of a jewelry wearer, it might be nice to choose a meaningful piece to wear.

 

For those interested, here's an link removed to aid in closure after divorce: link removed

 

(I haven't tried it yet, but if anyone does, please let us know how the experience was for you.)

[journeynow]

If anyone else is interested, here are some more ideas ("when making a ritual can help to let go")

 

[KYRiverGrl]

A day or so after I found out ex dumped me, I took the pictures of us that were in the living room out to my balcony and burned them Fire ceremony! Cleansing.

[journeynow]

To update, I ended up not having a specific divorce ritual with friends present, but I heard a book about divorce rituals mentioned today, so I thought I'd add it's name here in case others are interested, along with another that popped up on Amazon:

 

The Divorce Ritual by Lois G Tarter

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The Healing Divorce by Barbara and Phil Penningroth

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I haven't read either, but am just sharing the titles in case other are interested.

[lemondust]

I had one...it took place in my mind though, rather than it being a physical action. I sat in quiet with some nice, calm music on...and imagined that he'd died (not him physically, but the him that embodies my emotions, thoughts and memories)...and he was lying peacefully on a raft, surrounded with beautiful tropical flowers, flickering candles and was adrift on the sea. I pushed him gently out further, and watched him gradually float away from me. It was my way of saying goodbye, of letting go, and releasing him and my negative emotions. So whenever I got upset, or remembered something I didn't want to, I went back to that peaceful scenario of me on the beach, watching him floating further and further away on the ocean.

 

It helped because it triggered peace and acceptance within me.

[journeynow]

lemondust, that's wonderful that it triggered peace and acceptance within. Just what I would want from a letting go ritual.

[lemondust]

lemondust, that's wonderful that it triggered peace and acceptance within. Just what I would want from a letting go ritual.

 

It was a case of allowing my anger and resentment to eat away the good parts of me, or releasing all the negative energies turning them into something good. I recognize that anger and resentment have a purpose to a certain extent, but I was beginning to feel uncomfortable within myself. I want to look back years from now and feel I went through things in a way that enhanced and improved me as a person, and not find myself turned bitter and unable to love someone new because of this.

 

It sort of helps that I've been reading an Hawaiian book about forgiveness. One of the things it recommends doing when thinking of someone who has hurt you, is to say to them in your mind: "I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you." Just doing that even, takes the edge off any negative feelings because all of a sudden I feel humbled, the ego is silenced, and I am able to appreciate that in that moment...my life hasn't stopped because one man walked in and then out of it. That he isn't perfect, and neither am I.

 

Just two souls with their own lessons to learn.

[journeynow]

"I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you."

 

Important words. Ira Byock discusses those words in his book "The Four Things That Matter Most: A Book About Living".

 

lemondust, what is the title of the Hawaiian book about forgiveness you are reading?

[lemondust]

Important words. Ira Byock discusses those words in his book "The Four Things That Matter Most: A Book About Living".

 

lemondust, what is the title of the Hawaiian book about forgiveness you are reading?

 

I like the sound of the Ira Byock book, I'm going to check it out, thank you.

 

The Hawaiian book is called 'Ho'oponopono', by Ulrich E. Dupree. I'm still trying to pronounce it correctly, it's a bit of a tongue twister, but it's basically about using Hawaiian forgiveness ritual, and how to solve conflicts that may arise. Overall it's teaching peace, acceptance, love, humility and forgiveness. The imagining my ex floating away on a raft isn't from the book, but it was definitely inspired by it.

[journeynow]

I came accross this online article about using rituals to help process grief, and was reminded of this post. link removed

 

I didn't actually do a public ritual or ceremony, although it helped to think about it. I remember one ritual that helped me handle the feelings of grief was burning a white candle. I can't see the logic in why it helped, but I seemed to be able to hand the pain over to the candle while it burned. Another ritual with a larger scope was getting massages, monthly during the hardest months, and then on significant anniversary dates (valentine's day, birthdays, wedding anniversary) as a way to nurture myself. It's been years now, and I feel I've healed from the break up. The relationship and break up are part of who I am, but are not foremost in my mind, nor have the emotional power they once had.