Facebook Enemy or Ally

[bluemoon75]

I deactivated my FB account back at the beginning of Sept it was way to easy to check up on the ex but I broke down last night and logged back in. She still has our photos up on her page I could see if she had a slew of pics but she has just 20. I also noticed that she is listed in a relentionship but no pic or mention of the new person. ARRG!! why do I do this to myself

[oasisrob22]

Block her, man. Simple as that. Don't just defriend - block her as well. It doesn't matter what she thinks, it matters for YOU to move on and looking at her FB profile page is simply setting you back in the healing process.

 

I blocked my ex-girlfriend before and she complained about how immature it was, but it's not. It's meant for me to move on and I know that I don't have enough self-control to keep her as a friend and not look at her profile.

[Awoken]

Agree. I unfriended and blocked my ex recently too. I made the mistake of checking her profile a week back. Stupid me. Only had a photo of her and a female mate out on the down all happy and smiliing. Still hurt cause it made me realise she is having fun going out on the town with her friends. SO BLOCK HER and UNFRIEND her. It's not the end of the world If you do.

[hausser]

FB is lethal to recovery my man. I found blocking wasn't enough I deactivated my account 2 weeks ago and feel better than I have in months.

[John3572]

She may still have the pictures of you guys up because it is something from her past. Not everyone removes pictures from past relationships. When the pictures wer taken obviously things weren't bad. They're probably good memories for her.

[hodgeheg]

My ex's best feature? He doesn't have facebook. It's bad enough trying to stop myself checking his friends' pages!

[Deejmonster]

its best to delete, block, or all together just get rid of that person after a break up. It sucks but it really does help

[StrwberryWine]

Facebook is my absolute worst enemy after a breakup. He unfriended me. I unfriended all the other people who knew him who he might post to or they might post on his page. I did not want to see anything about him AT ALL when I log into facebook. The first month after the breakup, I simply deactivated my account. When I felt a bit stronger (and had my phone stolen so I needed a way to contact friends) I reactivated my account. That first week of having it activated was hell. Twice I talked myself into looking at his page (the aspects that were public). It really set me back. But it's been weeks now of me using facebook in a healthy way which for me is basically not at all, lol.

[KYRiverGrl]

I deactivated my account ... it was too tempting to snoop on both ex's page and her page ... lol

[italiannmf24]

Try deactivating your account for X amount of days.

 

Tell yourself that, for absolutely no reason, you're not going to log back into your facebook for at least a month or so. You need to make reasonable goals with these kinds of things and build up from there. Also, start working on personal goals and accomplishments, it'll start to help your mind get back into it's original, sane position.

[Kibit]

Have to say I agree, Facebook is deadly after a breakup or even before a breakup. Our personal lives are thrown out there on some internet highway for everyone to see, make judgments and comments on. In one aspect facebook can be a good tool for a positive outcomes, however, there's nothing like a phone call, a visit, a handwritten letter that is far more endearing. I deactivated my facebook, and frankly not sure I'll ever get back on the darned thing.

[KYRiverGrl]

I don't think I'll ever get back on it. Facebook.is.evil.

[bluemoon75]

I deactivated my account again. Its hard to stay stong in moments of weakness but what choice do I really have.

[Heartonasleave]

Hehe..its totally true...fb can be your worse enemy in the event of a breakup. I deactivated mine 4 months ago after the ex posted pics of her and her rebound kissing a week later. Sad and imature, but its usually done to get a reaction out of you (learned this from advice here) The fact is..if you cant see it, it cant hurt you!

[AnnaN]

I never used FB a lot, neither did my ex. I can't deactivate it as I use it mostly for my job and long distance studies.

I couldn't unfriend or block my ex, and I will be shocked if he did. He doesn't do a lot in there, almost nothing, but I can't, I want to know he is there... I fear that one day he will be in a FB relationship again, like we were, but I hope this day won't be soon and when the day comes, I won't care any more.

[Kibit]

AnnaN, I can certainly empathize with how difficult it can be to not check in to see what is going on with your X. It's incredibly difficult, I know. I raise my hand in that I've done that too -- but, the only way that worked for me was to deactivate it completely. Both my X and myself changed our privacy information, but that really didn't do it for me. I had to just deactivate. I really don't want him knowing what I've gone through and still do sometimes. As for knowing whether he is there or not, I didn't need FB to tell me that. I was told just today, and after less than a week of dumping me, he went back to his gf before me who is about to have a baby, not his. THAT is something I really would never want to know or have everyone else knowing on FB. What's that say about me to dump me for that kind of predicament? Not something I'd want shared over the internet that's for sure.

 

But, do as you feel what's best for you at this time to get through it. We all deal with our breakups differently, and this forum is a great place to vent, or express our feelings in a safe way without the entire FB community knowing everything in such detal.

[mossurf]

FB is my worst ennemy!! My ex girlfriend started using it more and more frequently from last February to a point where she spent her evenings on it while we were relaxing on the sofa. Turned out she was actually chatting with this guy she had a crush on and who's the reason why we broke up 3 weeks ago...after a 6 years healthy and passionate relationship. Get rid of FB!

[Goodfellas]

If the question is enemy or ally the answer for me is a resounding enemy!

 

I had the exs password and read a convo (post BU) that I wish I could unread. I don't even have Facebook but still find it difficult to not check her page via friends accounts

[Kibit]

Ouch Goodfellas -- that had to be extremely painful. I do agree, FB, more often than not, seems to cause people more pain than positive. Yes there are exceptions to that rule, but when you're in a relationship, BU, it can be an absolute nightmare. I have no use for it now. I know how to contact my friends, or family, work, etc. Besides, to me anyway, a phone call, a handwritten letter (whatever happened to those?) are much more meaningful than some silly 'status' comment for the entire FB internet community to look at, judge, or even worse comment on.

[Kibit]

Understandable. I too when I learned of my EX's behavior was smacked in the face with "Wow, girl, were you ever STOOPID" I am glad you find happiness with facebook, some do, some don't -- that's a personal preference. I hope you continue on your path of doing what's best for you and focusing on the positives that facebook can bring rather than the negatives.

[Goodfellas]

Kibit - Nah, it wasn't that bad, it served me right for snooping. It was a convo about how she was considering hooking up with a friend of a friend. I had her password for months during our relationship and never saw an indication of infidelity, so I can't get upset if she considers another man when we were done. Heck, I'd do the same if the opportunity presented itself.

 

bunghole99 - Interesting perspective. This is what I love about ENA, it shows me there are many ways to perceive the same event. For example, if I saw what you did I would need psychotherapy. Instead, it launched you further into recovery mode. By the way, how does one 'hack' an account? I acquired my ex's password when she logged in on my iPad and never signed out. I don't consider that hacking.

[Goodfellas]

Ps. i did go to a therapist and he gave me the tools, to let go of the anger, and of her! he was awesome

Our situations differed in that my ex didn't cheat, so there was no reason for me to get upset. The thing that bothered me was we were just one month removed from a 4.5 year relationship and she was already considering someone else. Here we are 3 months post breakup now and I still don't feel ready to be with another.

 

So, despite me not finding 'dirt' on my ex during our relationship, Facebook is still an enemy in my recovery post breakup.

[AnnaN]

As I said I can't deactivate my account, I use it for my job and studies.

My ex almost never used facebook. He only added some ex classmates from school, college or people who works with, none of his friends had an account, he had no wall posts unless I posted to him.

I contacted him two days ago to wish him happy birthday, and he said he sees my news on facebook. There was nothing new I posted, so why did he say that? And since that day he keeps adding new girls, and they leave him posts like "Wow, how did you find me after so many years", "I can't believe you found me" etc. Some of these profiles seem fake, other not.

 

I can't remove him or block him... but I keep thinking why is he doing this. He is really searching for girls and searches in the past? And if yes, it appears that he wants me to see that he is doing this?