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At What Point Did You Realize Your Ex Didn't/Doesn't Care Anymore?

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motleylou, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I think it's so horrible when someone cheats and then has the nerve to justify their actions by blaming their partner. I'm glad you decided not to reach out to her. I'm doing the same thing. There is only so much you can take from someone who is unwilling to admit at least some of their faults/mistakes.


A part of me feels that my ex cheated on me the weekend before we broke up (although it's never been confirmed). Before we met up that Monday, I spoke to him on the phone and he cried saying, "I'm sorry ****, I'll always love you." I knew he was going to break up with me but I still went to meet him. When I saw him, he acted all weird and it felt like he was forcing himself to break up with me. He blamed me for everything and even wrote me a letter saying all these bad things about me. At the same time, he was tearing up and told me that he would always love me. He even tried to comfort me at one point!


We met up two weeks after and exchanged our things and he was being really nice to me (although he kept rushing). He looked at me with longing and we even hugged several times. I told him there was no reason we couldn't be friends (I didn't hint anything more). Later on through text, he confessed that he couldn't handle talking to me and that he's been suppressing his feelings. He said that a part of him never got over the break-up and he didn't think he ever would. I didn't know what to say and the next day I confronted him about his lying, etc. and that's when things went downhill again. He blamed me all over again. I asked him several days later why he couldn't admit he was wrong but he still didn't.


I was going through mixed emotions. At first I thought he was playing games, and then I thought that maybe he felt regret over the break-up and was trying to tell me how he felt hoping that I would tell him the same thing, but instead what he got was rejection along with confrontation. He was a great boyfriend in many ways but I just couldn't take the lies and lack of maturity and I made that clear to him.


I still don't know what really happened but all I wanted was for him to apologize and admit what he did wrong. In a crazy sense I wanted some closure. If he cared enough, he would have done that. Oh well.

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hausser it might not of been that she stopped caring it might of just been that she wanted a reaction from you before I just felt the need to confront my ex about everything I was always waiting for a reaction about little things I did and when I realised that I would never get one I went for the direct approach but in your case if you had known she would of been distraught at the thought of you seeing someone then personally I would of let of let her thought that you were with someone else but hey that is just me


Good point and it kind of ties in with her then continuing to text me over the next few days but I dunno there was something almost tangibly different about her. Thanks for the insight though, food for thought.

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I don't know, that is such a hard question. I like to think that he still cares in some way for me, that he'll always look back fondly on his first love. I never did anything majorly wrong and always treat him well.


6 weeks no contact. Had a long weekend at work and got some bad news today so feeling quite down, I don't think that helps.

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Hi Autumn, I totally empathise with your post. My ex was just the same, he kept me out of certain areas of his life, and made me feel guilty or neurotic for trying to find out why. It is a really awful situation to be in. My relationship ended just 2.5 weeks ago, I hope to feel on top of the world at 10 months lol.


Hi Daev, It really sucks doesn't it yeah they're good at laying the guilt on you I was made to feel as if I was being argumentative for bringing up the issues. I think having time to yourself is important in a relationship, but there's having some me time & there's taking the mick.


I do feel good in myself, I'm getting my happiness back my contentment, not quite top of the world, but i'm getting there


It's still early days for you, just keep strong & take it one day at a time, things do get better, I promise.

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22n32, I think you need to completely avoid her or ask her to meet you in person and have a serious talk. It seems like you two like to rub things like that in each other's faces and that's not good. You're only prolonging the hurt.


Autumnleaves, I'm glad you walked away. His behavior towards you was selfish and unacceptable. I'm surprised you two were even engaged. He doesn't seem like a person who is capable of sharing his life with someone and living happily. This may be a blessing in disguise.



Hi Greencupcake, Everyone has said the same thing. We got engaged 10 months into the relationship it was a really happy time, but nearly 5 years of that behaviour killed off everything good & positive. Hope you're well.

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It took me 6 weeks. We barely had any contact during that time, though I really did want to know the exact situation. She messed me around a bit and refused to tell me the exact deal, but eventually I forced it out of her - she wanted to be friends, nothing more. I had realised before this, but this really confirmed it for me. What an insult. No thanks.

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When did I know my ex didn't care? Well if I go on his behaviour it was a long time ago - and if I go on his words he still loves me! - go figure.


I am having a terrible day today after having a run of some really good days. As I come up to moving out on Sat I am finding myself wanting to talk to him (my ex - we still live in the same flat until Sat), I have so many questions I want him to answer, and I want him to know that he is utlimately a rubbish person to act the way he does - for some reason the urge to do this now is really strong and difficult to fight.


This is despite the fact I know he won't accept any responsibility for his actions (Just this morning he said "I find it hard to comprehend why when someone makes a mistake like I have done, It is such a final ending and there's no going back)! Erm yeah mate you made a BIG mistake sleeping with your ex whilst we were still together, you are an addict and you have no money, - and he doesn't know why that draws a line under everything??


I really want him to understand what a F**** he is though! How he is a chameleon who charms people but underneath is selfish and narcissistic and useless - and yet despite me knowing this I want him to be the charmer he was when we first met....


.. I know I'm not making sense, for some reason my self esteem is low today and I hate him but love him at the same time! Its a battle raging today - just hope I can get through the day without making any stupid mistakes.

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preoccupied, I think when an ex denies responsibility for all the wrongdoings they did in the relationship it shows something about their character. They aren't mature enough to own up to their actions. After a while you might even start to wonder why you were with someone like that in the first place.

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3 weeks and counting. low contact only to sort out my moving out/furniture/car matters.

i am getting all sorts of attitudes from him ranging trying to be helpful, remembering little things i need to make it easier for me, asking me stupid questions so i would respond to him, asking me to do things such that it would lead me to having to meet him face to face. i've only seen him once after the breakup, that was for 5 mins to get my mail and some personal belongings. he looked like a sad puppy too proud to admit his mistakes. i avoid him like the plague. even deleted his bbm. am going to show him just what i am about.

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When did I notice my ex didn't care? a month after the break up he texted me to return my watch. We were going to meet at our university on the Tuesday at 1pm. So on Tuesday i'm hanging around the school and 1 pm rolls around and he's not there. I had to go to class, then at 2:30pm I text him, "do you have my watch?" 20 min later I get a text that says "sorry I accidentally left it at home" well thanks for letting me know!!! Apart of me figured he'd forget so i wasn't surprised. So we plan to meet up the next day. My class was over at 2 and he said he was free. So what do you know, 2 o'clock rolls around, he's not there, I text him, 40 min later he says he's leaving his house. He finally get there at 3 o'clock and at this point i'm so angry because I had stuff to do that I can't even look at him. This really bothered me because before that I had planned to be civil and friendly, this was the first contact we had since the break-up and I wanted it to be nice and mature. Instead it made me realize he pulled this crap allll the time when we were together and its so upsetting to think that he couldn't even pull his head out of his a** long enough to try and make our break up nice. Keep in mind this was a guy who said (while breaking up with me) that he didn't want things to be awkward and he didn't want to make an enemy out of me. He also said he wanted us to be able to say hi at school when we saw each other, but since then whenever we see each other I wave and he looks scared/sad/surprised/angry (like someone just ran over his puppy) I've also noticed he's gained weight so there a little bit of karmic relief to make me happier.

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I think he does care in his own way. But we understand love differently and even though he may give his 100% for me it's still a 50%.

He did say some things that completely drove me away in the end.

I am now convinced that he needs someone to cater to his needs rather than a mutual partnership.

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My standard, from pretty early on, what that it didn't matter whether he still "cared" - if he didn't want to get back together with me his caring was irrelevant -he didn't choose to act on his caring feelings by being with me. It was a waste of time to speculate about whether there was still a chance because, for example, he called once, or he wasn't seeing anyone yet, or he flirted or whatever - it made things a lot simpler. What I did find difficult were those times I would start dating an ex without being exclusive quite yet- starting over -going through that early dating with an ex- very confusing. I was glad that when my husband and I got back together it was to be exclusive and see if we should potentially marry - all signals clear!

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