GreenCupcake Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 This one is pretty self-explanatory. There are so many posts about people who try to get over their ex's and/or talk about how long it's been since they have talked, etc. There comes a time, however, when the ex's actions (or lack of actions) makes us realize that they don't really care anymore. At what point have you realized that? Even if it's something you are just noticing now, feel free to write about that too. Several days before our break-up, my ex and I got into a big argument. He avoided me during the weekend and he dumped me on a Monday. That day, he told me he wanted me to hate him and blamed me for everything (even though he was crying and told me that he will always love me. Strange, right?) Anyways, I have thought about the day of the break-up numerous times but it it didn't hit me hard until today. I think he did something behind my back and felt guilty about it so he said all those things to justify what he did. We even talked after the break-up and met up once to exchange our items and he never admitted that he did anything wrong. It's been six weeks since I've heard from him and I don't expect to either. Quite frankly, I don't care to stay in touch with him anymore. Realizing all of this has made me feel somewhat embarrassed. If I could go back in time, I would have gone NC completely. I was holding on to a false idea that he cared because of all the mixed signals but time has shown that he doesn't really care. Scary if you ask me. Link to comment
22n32 Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 When she called me to tell me she loves me... But two days later it was my birthday and I heard nothing.. Relized how selfish, narcist person she is... Link to comment
GreenCupcake Posted November 12, 2011 Author Share Posted November 12, 2011 When she called you, how you did you act towards her? Link to comment
22n32 Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 Nautrul and confident. Didn't show my anger or overjoy.. Wished her luck in life. And I told her I gotta get going on my date.. Link to comment
GreenCupcake Posted November 12, 2011 Author Share Posted November 12, 2011 Well that explains everything 22n32! She probably got pissed off/hurt when you said that. I don't know if your situation counts yet. Give it more time lol Link to comment
22n32 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 I don't think so... She told me weeks before she was seeing someone... So there should be no reason for her to be mad at me... She only called when it was convient for her. But not willing to go outa her way on my bday.. her pride was more important to her... Link to comment
Autumnleaves Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 I had my doubts towards the end of the relationship that he loved me. We didn't live together. He had a 2 week holiday from work & he chose to shut himself away & spend that time doing his own thing. Just felt that I was an option in his life rather than a priority. That was one of the many issues I had with him, he still wanted to live the life of a single guy & often made excuses to shut himself off whenever he had a holiday. I was expected to sit happily & wait for him. The other issue was that he wouldn't let me in his house, I was invited up once in our 5 year relationship. He kept a whole part of himself private from me & that was really hard to take. Heck we were engaged, but I was treated like a stranger at times. I walked away couldn't take being rejected like that anymore. He played his little games making contact then ignoring me, but not once has he admitted his part it was all my fault, I'm the bad one. It's been 10 months now & no apology, no acceptance of guilt...nothing. We both had issues, i'm no angel, but I can't be the only one expected to make the changes. Link to comment
GreenCupcake Posted November 13, 2011 Author Share Posted November 13, 2011 22n32, I think you need to completely avoid her or ask her to meet you in person and have a serious talk. It seems like you two like to rub things like that in each other's faces and that's not good. You're only prolonging the hurt. Autumnleaves, I'm glad you walked away. His behavior towards you was selfish and unacceptable. I'm surprised you two were even engaged. He doesn't seem like a person who is capable of sharing his life with someone and living happily. This may be a blessing in disguise. Link to comment
22n32 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 22n32, I think you need to completely avoid her or ask her to meet you in person and have a serious talk. It seems like you two like to rub things like that in each other's faces and that's not good. You're only prolonging the hurt. I agree. I'm avoiding her. I don't let it affect me.. I miss her and what we shared for 2 yrs but I see her true colors now... How are u doing? Link to comment
GreenCupcake Posted November 13, 2011 Author Share Posted November 13, 2011 That's the spirit! And I've been doing ok. This realization of mine has me feeling weird but I will be going out with friends soon and I won't have much time to think about that! lol How about you? Link to comment
rosie smith Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 I know my ex and I will always care for each other but I also know that he will be far to ashamed of himself to ever talk to me again now, I just don't think that he has the strength to but over the weeks being oh so angry with my ex has also left me knowing that it does not matter how we feel about each other now what matters is that I have grown into a better person than I was before and he is still the same old person which means we would prob never work long term anyway and that to me is really, really sad Link to comment
22n32 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 You will get thru it.. u sound like a great person.. he's Def missing out.. One day u will wake up and think why em I even wasting energy on a guy that doesn't see things for what they are.. I'm on 3 months. Have had many dates no connection yet.. I'm actually meeting up with one in few hrs.. but I won't be delerving good news. I'm breaken it off.. I don't see her on that level. I really tried to be open minded. But I can't force it.. I can tell she is really into to me.. good morning handsome text. Planning things around me already. I dont wanna lead her on and hurt her.. Everything will be okay. Try not to dwell on things. Just makes it harder to move on.. Link to comment
John3572 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 A few days after we broke up I contacted her to give her money that I owed her. We were supposed to leave for a vacation in a couple of weeks so I was going to pay my half. She never responded. It meant more to her to show me that I didn't matter to her. So, I realized then that she was a piece of dogpoop and the healing began. Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 When he doesn't write, call or communicate with me for a week and then out of a sudden he writes me "Hi, babe, I missed you!" like nothing had happened. When I ask him how he is, he doesn't reply. And then silence for one more week until the next message "Hi, babe, I missed you!". That totally drives me crazy and one day I just realized that maybe he doesn't care about me that much and writes me only when he feels lonely. Link to comment
InvisibleWound Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 I had hung on to everything to do with one of my ex's for a little over a year, I was scary obsessed with him at the time and the thought of *us* ending drove me mad... I was going to save my virginity for him and didn't go out with anyone for a long time. After 5 months he eventually lost his virginity and got with a girl closer to where he lived. When i found out I was very heartbroken and mean to him about it, because we both wanted and planned to lose our virginity together but he decided he had to move on and just did it then told me later on. Even after he was with his girl he still talked to me and told me he loved me and I waited around for another 7 months I guess, but nothing came out of it. Thankfully the relationship is over, this was way back in 2005 but the wounds are still fresh in my mind. Link to comment
bdbmwer Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 when she told me she specifically left me for her new guy and that our relationship meant nothing from day one and she never had feelings except when we were just talking. ha about as straight forward as it gets....although I still think she said these things in the argument BECAUSE she cares. But im taking it for face value! Link to comment
EmmieQ Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 When after being broken up for 3 weeks, he agreed to see me, so that we could have a drink and I could give him his stuff back. He looked happy to see me, we were laughing, joking, teasing, him asking me how I was. It was fun, like it was when we were together. He told me he would not change his mind about breaking up, but that he really liked and cared about me, that he missed me and that we would still do a lot of nice things together, but as friends. He hugged me tight before leaving, would not let go of me (it took him 30min to walk away), last thing he said was 'see you on Sunday !'. I texted him a couple of days ago asking him if we were still seeing each other on Sunday, he did not reply for 2 days, but sent a text yesterday 'I don't have time tomorrow, it will be for next week'. No apology, not informing how I was (my family is going to some rough times, and he knows this, I told him last time). I texted him that I really believed he was beings sincere last time, but that I did not see how he could be, seeing he canceled, took days to answer a simple question, not concerned about how I was, nothing. No reply, so it has hit me right in the heart when I realised he simply doesn't care. He never did since we broke up. All the things he said and did last week were just a huge farce, seeing how much he 'cares' now. He shouldn't have bothered acting like that last week, makes it even harder to let go ! Link to comment
Daev Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Hi Autumn, I totally empathise with your post. My ex was just the same, he kept me out of certain areas of his life, and made me feel guilty or neurotic for trying to find out why. It is a really awful situation to be in. My relationship ended just 2.5 weeks ago, I hope to feel on top of the world at 10 months lol. Link to comment
hausser Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Good thread. 2 months post BU I bumped into my ex on a night out where she proudly told me she was with someone else (classic gigs). She was drunk at the time. Over the next few days she text me, and while completley sober nonchalantly dropped the new guys first name into a text, as if everything was fine, water under the bridge. Of couse at the time I was holding out for a recon but I can look back and see now how far advanced she was in the getting over me. Namely, that she felt comfortable enough to completley disregard my feelings about her being with someone new. If I had done the same to her she would have been distraught. Link to comment
starrysky Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 I haven't heard from my ex for 2 and a half months (about the time since he ended it). I have decided to go NC on the advice of others here, but I feel I am going crazy not knowing anything about him. Is he ok? Is he perfectly fine and getting on with his life? Does he actually not care about me? I am trying to think that he doesn't care in order to move on, but I find it so hard to believe. And so painful. Like the OP, when he ended it he was in tears and told me I deserved better. I don't understand any of it. Link to comment
hausser Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 starrysky, NC will heal from those feelings. They will resurface from time to time but they will definatley diminish I promise you. Link to comment
motleylou Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 I think I'm just actually starting to realize it now. My ex showed numerous mixed signals that led me on so many different directions. But before the breakup she was completely shutting herself out of my life and then brought out so many of my faults that we're really rediculous during a fight we had 2 days before the split. Post breakup I found out she cheated on me, she never once sincerely apologized to me or my family who let her move into their house. Instead she became even more aggressive and hurtful. But then would send me messages saying I'll love you always.... I havnt heard from her in over 2 months and don't think I ever will again. It sucks bc she was really special to me but my self pride won't let me reach out to her. Like others have said I think she was mad bc she got caught cheating and instead of stepping up and realizing she messed up. Instead tried to bring me down and justify her actions. It's scary how you can love someone so much and then they can act that cold when 2 weeks before she was telling me how great I was and how we were ment to be together. But now looking back I realize that shes not worth my time and obviously isn't grown up enough to be in a serious relationship right now. Link to comment
rosie smith Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Good thread. 2 months post BU I bumped into my ex on a night out where she proudly told me she was with someone else (classic gigs). She was drunk at the time. Over the next few days she text me, and while completley sober nonchalantly dropped the new guys first name into a text, as if everything was fine, water under the bridge. Of couse at the time I was holding out for a recon but I can look back and see now how far advanced she was in the getting over me. Namely, that she felt comfortable enough to completley disregard my feelings about her being with someone new. If I had done the same to her she would have been distraught. hausser it might not of been that she stopped caring it might of just been that she wanted a reaction from you before I just felt the need to confront my ex about everything I was always waiting for a reaction about little things I did and when I realised that I would never get one I went for the direct approach but in your case if you had known she would of been distraught at the thought of you seeing someone then personally I would of let of let her thought that you were with someone else but hey that is just me Link to comment
rosie smith Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 before my ex found out that I knew he was kind of cheating/leading me one he also tried to blame me for silly things, personally I always fault it was a way that my ex felt better about things but once I confronted him about everything boom he did not have a leg to stand on and I feel pretty great about that one Link to comment
lonelyheart2 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 I think this realisation kicks in when it's been a couple of weeks and you still haven't heard from them. I think if they felt as you did you would hear from them fairly soon. NC really helps you to realise this as you don't keep analysing every word they say because you haven't got anything to analyse! Link to comment
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