I dont know what to do about us!!

[laurajane90]

Hi im new to this but just need some advice

on what to do!! I been on/off with my ex now

for years because of trust and his aggressive

behaviour. At times he can be a great guy and

then other times he changes! We recently

started seeing each other again at weekends

it was fine for the first few weeks then I

started to see the old him coming back out

again and i got really upset and it sent

alarm bells ringing! I moved house a few

months ago because of him and he told me he

had changed and was different now and wanted

to see me. so we met up and it was cool so I

tried to make a go of it again. Now he wants

to start coming round my house (he doesnt

know where I live) and wants us to get back

together again and I would love to because I

still love him but im scared that it will all

start again with the aggression and the way

he just changes and ill regret letting him

back in. Plus the kids dont like him so thats

difficult also because they have seen me go

through alot with him but i dont wanna live

like this anymore and dont know what to do

about the situation its making me feel bad

and very stressed!! Im thinking this might be

different if we spend more time together

insted of just the odd weekend and ill be

able to trust him but im also thinking i

should just move on because I still have a

fear of him. Three weeks ago i went down to his city for the weekend and everything was great then the weekend after i told him to come over here for a change and i spent the day shopping for him,getting him a gift before he came over and was looking forward to seeing him but on the way down he was moaning that it was late and when he got here he was telling me that he could have been out with his mates and started going on about the past and he had me in tears after just 5 mins and since that night he has had a bad attitude with me. Keep hanging the phone up and just being disrespectfull and its made me angry and i have shouted at him and now he is saying im evil and i abuse him but i shout at him because of the way he is towards me. Its like he is horrible to me but when he sees or hears me upset his mood changes and he starts being nice and then when i feel better he will start feeling sad and say i have no respect for him and im nasty and then changes again please tell me what i should do about this situation x

[Ms Darcy]

I am also thinking you should just move on.

[Daev]

Typical abuser - the only one that can upset you, and the only one who can take it away. Leave him, and do NOT look back.

[chickydoodle]

People with his kind of dysfuntional, abusive personality don't change without intensive therapy-even then maybe never. I think you may need to read up on abusive relationships and the long term damage they can cause to you, your sanity and your children. If you have done so already then perhaps re-read and reinforce what you know. It is not real Love. There may be good moments that make you hang in there but that is all part of the manipulation and abuse.

If you stay with this man you have a long, exhausting, emotionally depleting, demoralising path ahead of you.

If you search enotalone forum under the word abusive...or other key words , you will find similar stories and advice.

My advice is 'RUN for the hills'. You deserve a loving and supportive partner, not someone you fear and who causes you such distress.

Look after yourself. You do not need his kind of Love. I think you know this. Follow your instinct. Emotions and the heart can lead us astray.