secret attraction??

[brandy8888]

After reading quite a bit on why men are attracted to CD/TV/TS I still can't put my finger on it. I met my husband online, we knew we clicked and we met and there was an instant soul mate connection............ he asked me later to marry him, I said yes and we now have a baby on the way. In a nut shell it is 'perfect'. we are soul mates and we cherish each other. It was love at first sight, and we are both over 35 so infatuation was not gaga!

Now for the meat in the middle. I am very intuitive and when I first moved in with him, sex was brilliant, chemistry was ooooozing and we loved each others company, we consumed each other, in many respects it still is, however there was always a curiosity about meeting him online in a 'adult web site' I had never done this before but he had and was honest about it - to a point!!

When he went to work one day I logged on to his computer, to my complete shock I saw adult site after adult site of not straight but an 8 year secret of transsexual, Cross-dressing and Transgender attraction. He said he had 2 'meets' before me, both were woman, and I believe him (he had those pictures on his laptop) but in 8 years I suspect with the amount of emails and profiles on loads of TV/TS/CD sites and 2 credit cards in steep red.........he had a lot of interaction with these people. I could NOT believe it. I still struggle with it. He was absolutely inconsolable when I confronted him. IS HE GAY?? Is he BI?? He spoke about it once, and he explained that he had experimented 'once' and it was just oral sex, I believed him, We have been together 2 years now and share a computer, he has not been there again and I have (I think) shut down all his profiles. It consumes me everyday, I often want to set a honey trap, then I don't want to temp him into a relapse. I know he likes woman, he loves 'my femininity' the most and he really does love me I know this.............. but you can, surely have a secret life like this and just flush it all away........... please can someone somehow tell me something I can understand, so I have closure.

I also found phone bills in his garage of hundreds of txt messages and different 'gay sounding' men (one of which was nice enough to try and explain to me that gay men don't do T-Girls and that he was straight.........but then another was a Cross-dresser who recognized his picture!!) when I called the numbers spanning 5 years +. I though I was over it, but lately perhaps because I am pregnant with a little boy, I am once again consumed with the 'stranger beside me'

 

Thank you for reading.

[lukeb]

I don't think there is anything anyone can tell you so you can understand and put this to rest for you. Like you said this is consuming you. From what I can tell you are doing a lot of damage to your marriage with this obsession of yours. The more you think about it, the less of a connection you are going to feel with your husband. When he finds out what you have been up to, the distrust etc., there is going to have to be a lot of mending to make things right. Isn't there something else more productive you can do with your time?

[FathomFear]

When it comes to sexuality there is no "why". I mean, why are you attracted to men? Because you are. Some people just "are" attracted to the unqiue combination that transsexuals represent, and it turns their crank.

 

Now, that doesn't mean he also isn't fully attracted to run-of-the-mill women too. Vast majority of guys who are into transsexual women identify as straight. Which makes sense, considering that they look and act like women. It's just a physical difference in terms of genetalia which differs. Most people are attracted to genders (clothing, appearance, manneurisms, etc). Having a certain organ in your pants doesn't make attraction. As a gay man myself I would reiterate what the guy told you on the phone. It will be very rare for a gay guy to be attracted to a transsexual woman, given that gay guys are attracted to, well, guys--and transsexual women just don't look or behave like men.

 

I would focus more on the situation now. Has he shown any signs of cheating, etc, since you've been together? Or are these text messages and such happening now?

[brandy8888]

To Lukeb and to Fathomfear........thank you. Luke, you are right....it has become an obsession and yes I have put enormous distance between us by this consuming curiosity (that killed the cat!!) And my connection is really strong until I see or hear a trigger - No he has not cheated, he has not been tempted, he has really tried to turn his life around. I blame the access to sex sites and the travellers within to his temptation that he then explored. It's a shock, let me tell you and the ability to just 'forget' is nearly impossible. My brother is gay, and he was in denial for years (22 to be precise) having the same wife and 2 children. I always knew........I was his confidant. When he 'came out' the world came crashing down, his family suffered terribly, he spiralled into drug addiction - and all because he was not accepted. It is SO sad; he deserved to be his true self. I guess this episode has scared me, we are expecting a baby boy in 5 weeks time..........and I am scared, scared that I hold the same fate of loving a man who is in denial. I missed the part that it wasn't so much a transsexual attraction, it was cross dressers too and that is 'wanting a man........just easier in woman's clothing" ??

Thank you though,