Is he blowing me off, or am I just neurotic?

[atodd]

I will preface this by saying that I realize I'm neurotic. I don't know why I'm so worked up over this guy, but let's just pray he hasn't noticed.

 

Background: I'm a 20 y/o American girl studying abroad in London for the autumn semester.

 

I met up with this 23 y/o English guy Friday night for a casual drink. We ended up hitting it off incredibly well. I know this sounds silly, but I've never had such an instantaneous connection with anyone before. There was never an awkward or dull moment during our conversations, and it felt like we had known each other for forever.

He suggested that we go for a walk, and we ended up walking ALL over London, just being silly and getting to know each other...we literally walked from around 8PM until 3:30AM, when I returned to my flat. We didn't kiss or anything, just hugged..it was simply us getting to know each other, and it was perfect.

 

The next night was Guy Fawkes Night, and we both did our own thing...I got a pretty tipsy text from him while he was out with his friends. We were joking earlier about what we had told our friends about each other, but neither of us came clean. So, I told him I was going to take advantage of his drunk state by asking him again. He said, "Fine, I said you were 'frustratingly fit and fun to be around', happy?" So cute and British.

 

The next day we had made plans for me to come visit him in Greenwich, where he lives. He showed me around, and then we grabbed lunch and ate in the park. We continued to site see, and again, everything went seamlessly. We went for a drink, and decided to drink outside by the water. It was already dark by around 5, so it was pretty chilly. He finally made a move and held my hand. Then, we decided to keep warm and hang out at his house. We ended up watching funny youtube videos for a while, then he wanted to show me something on a movie.. so I told him I hadn't seen it before, and we should watch it. For a few minutes, he sat in his desk chair while I was on his bed..then finally he got up the nerve to lay by me. One thing lead to another, and finally he kissed me. We just made out, nothing else.

We realized we had forgotten about dinner, so we went to this Mexican place...he had never had Mexican before, so I told him what to get, and he loved it! Too cute. Then, it was time for him to walk me to my train.. before I left, he asked me what the rest of my week looked like and then kissed me as I was about to depart.

 

Sounds good, right? Well, he did text/facebook me later that night.. but then the next day he was kind of short with his replies, and then just didn't respond all together. The morning after that he finally responded and said: "Word! I have mad amounts of work this week, so I will plan something later on in the week Peas!" ...so I thought, alright..well, he could still be blowing me off, but that's more promising. I saw him get on and offline throughout the day without saying anything. I left him alone, and then last night he sent me a fbook chat basically saying he was tipsy/drunk.. and I was just like "Oh lord.. getting a lot of work done?", and he said he had had a productive day, etc. And then I mentioned one other thing and he was short with his response, and then I asked him if he had class on Friday and he just stopped responding all together.

 

Again, I've seen him get on and offline today. I'm obviously not going to say anything to him until he contacts me, but I don't get it. Can anyone shed some light as to what's probably going on?? He didn't have to message me last night.. and if he is blowing me off, all he has to say is that he's not interested in going out again! Ugh....

 

Thanks in advance!

[happyfrank]

He is just getting to know you. This can take awhile for some people. Don't take anything too serious at this time and have fun.

[atodd]

It's just odd to me that he would go from being really excited to talk to me and make plans to seemingly ignoring me. I guess I wonder if it seems like I've done anything to promote that.

When do you think I should rightly assume that he has blown me off?

[BrowneyedMan]

atodd, I think you want to relax. He isn't blowing you off ! he's just not a 'manic' texter/e-mailer. So just don't read anything into him going on- and offline and not texting you. It's much easier to passively check your facebook than it is to compose a good message to someone you've just met and barely know. He's probably just checking his fb to distract himself from his work.

You'll see him again sooner or later, I'm sure, so just don't stress about it and live your life. Surely you have other things going on in your life than him. No reason to worry about him yet.

[DylanNotorious]

Sorry but if he's not really responding to you text messages or ignoring you online - he's blowing you off. Maybe something changed in those little outings, or he's just not feeling it. He may not even want to get into a relationship and fears that might be where it's headed. Stuff like that.

 

If he does not make plans to see you later in the week as he texted you, don't follow up on the plans and assume it's all over.

[mhowe]

I think the alcohol fueled a good deal of the beginning....and now that first night has faded into the background. However, it's called dating. Relax and just wait.

[Tanzi]

I think you need to wait and see if he texts you to make plans to get together before drawing any conclusions. At this stage I think it is just too early to say. You've only known him a matter of days. Maybe he doesn't want to come on too strong. Maybe he thought it was all a little bit too much, too soon. Maybe he is blowing you off. Its impossible to know because you don't really know this guy or what it is he is lookng for.

[atodd]

Thanks, guys. All rational explanations.. I guess I'm just not in a very rational place right now. ha

 

The only other thing that could be a big factor is that I go back to the US on December 4th as of right now (SOON, obviously). I've mentioned wanting to come back this summer to intern, etc, but I know that's not a guaranteed plan. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so panicked about hanging out. Like I said, I've never connected this strongly with anyone before..especially so fast, so it's a bit scary.

[BrowneyedMan]

I'll say again that I believe there is still hope. I don't get why so many ppl on here always assume the worst outcome as the most probable.

 

As for myself (being a guy after all), I can only say that if I'd have got on great with a girl from abroad and walked all accross London with her until the morning hours, and at another time made a move to kiss her, then I would certainly not have forgotten about her a week later. ..I would think this guy is legitimately busy, and of course will also have his regular circle of friends to still look after.

 

I've lived in the UK for several years, including in my early twenties, and most of my friends were English then, so I can tell you that regular young English guys (who go to university) will find a nice American girl as exciting as you find them for their British-ness.

There is a thing that's especially strong in the British culture, that almost requires a young guy to brag about his many female conquests among his male friends, in order to prove his social worth, and young British women around them tend to (want to) believe it, and everyone finds those stories really exciting. Often though, most of it is more story-telling than real experience. But in order to keep up with their 'Casanova-friends', a young college guy will enthusiastically take up any opportunity with any attractive girl that comes along, and if she is foreign, it makes for even better stories. So hence, a lot of British guys might act a bit like players, but they aren't really players. Underneath most of them want what we all want, a happy and comfortable relationship with a girl they really like. But at that age, especially when they enter college/uni, they don't like to commit too quickly, to 'keep their options open'.

-- that was my observation back then anyway, so I just thought I share it.

Therefore my advice to you is: don't get too keen on this guy too soon, and don't come on too strong. British guys tend to want to work extra-hard for the girls they eventually stay with.

Oh and btw, this guy doesn't sound like a player. British 'players' don't bother walking all over London with some girl they're not particularly interested in.

[atodd]

Thanks for the advice.. really. He does not seem like a player to me either, but I get what you're saying. Oddly enough, most of his best friends have long term girlfriends. I think he was in a serious relationship which ended a little less than a year ago.

 

I guess I'll just have to wait and see! It's the waiting that's terrible..I'm not very patient and despise games! Perhaps he is just busy...I guess I'm like most others on here and tend to be pessimistic. Sigh...

[BrowneyedMan]

yeah, this uncertainty is nerve-wracking. ..of course, I can't promise anything but ..he'll come back to you.. sooner or later. ..I know English guys and what they're like.

They don't just pass up an opportunity with a nice girl they've met and connected well with.

 

...If you haven't heard from him in a couple of days (say five days) you can send him a text, or better, call him and just ask him to join you somewhere you'll be going anyway (like some pub, or something), if it doesn't interfere with his school work. (And if you'll ask him in a bit of a flirtatious tone of voice.. I'm sure he'll find the time for it. ;P )

 

Don't worry about the meaning of his texting behaviour. ..texting/chatting is a generally unreliable affair. (that's why I don't like it.) ..his internet connection could have broken off at the moment of the chat. His flatmates dumped a beer over his head... anything could have happened why he stopped responding, and today his head was all over the place, trying to get important work done, and what not, and that's why he didn't think of getting back to you...

[atodd]

He finally messaged me back and said "How's it going?" I replied, and then once again he ignored me and the signing on/off continued. I just give up. I'll never understand, and I'm quickly going from anxious to just annoyed. My guess is that I won't hear from him again.

Sighh...

[DylanNotorious]

I know you liked him, but now he's acting like a douche. Try and enjoy the rest of the time you have in that country without worrying about him. I he should have been texting to confirm the plans to take you out this weekend, as he suggested.

[Tanzi]

Well, whatever his reasons are for not responding and signing out, he certainly isn't making much effort. If I were you I wouldn't bother making myself available to him. It will help you too not to keep watching his movements online. Its not like he can't text you if he really wanted to.