Cookie7780 Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Hi Everyone, I am new this forum. I really need some advice on this and how to deal. Sorry about the lengthyness of this post. So my boyfriend and I have been dating just over 3 years. He's 28 and I am 31. I would really have to say that the 3 years have been great. We got along well, his family loves me, my family loves him. Marriage has always been discussed. In fact, we've even gone as far to discuss the details of the wedding, type of ring and the type of house that we want. If anything, he has discussed us getting married even more than I have with coworkers and friends. It was no secret that both of us wanted to be married. The last two months have been a little shaky. He's taken on a lot more extra stuff with work and outside of work activities. I hardly saw him at all in the last three weeks and it's been upsetting me. We had a conversation about this on Saturday night. I finally got it out of him. He said he's scared to death of marriage and does not know what to do. Unfortunately that lead me to be upset and it really didn't go anywhere. We ended up talking face to face on Sunday. He said that he is extrememely overwhelmed right now with everything in his life and he feels that the weight of the world is on his shoulders. He told me that he was ready to propose to me last June. He was going to get the ring and everything. He was telling people about his plan for proposing and instead of feeling excited about it, he felt this feeling of dread. He said he thought to himself, well give it more time so he did. He said he knew that I wanted be engaged and by the time September rolled around that he felt guilty about not being able to do it. He's got a lot of issues going on with his family. I've always been there for him to help him deal with those. He's taken on so much more at work. I felt it was a way to avoid me. He's also been ignoring his family. He told me that he has no outlet. Nowhere to go where he finds joy and a way to de-stress. He's never been good with stress. But, he never told me any of this until now. He said that he needs to "take a break" to fix things and sort out his feelings and prioritize. He asked me if I wanted to experience this problem if we were married. Of course I said no. He said that this time apart to "sort things out" could take a week, a month or even 5 months. He couldn't even give me a timeline. I was extrememly upset when we were discussing this. For someone who is supposed to be my best friend and soulmate, how can they even suggest taking a break? He said that it doesn't mean that the relationship is over, it means that he needs to time to sort things out. Is this a cop out to avoid the inevitable? How can someone who writes in a card 2 months ago that they cannot wait to start a family, build a house, and grow old together suddenly change those feelings? Am I being paranoid about this? Is this a good thing? I am just so upset right now and really do not know what to do. He said he was doing this to protect me. How is this protecting me when it's breaking my heart? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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