Awoken Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 Hi Guys, First time posting and starting a NEW thread. Decided after weeks of reading others stories I would share mine too. As I have discovered here my story is not unqiue, just different. Heres the abridged version of my story. Had been with my ex for just over 4 years, she is now 21 and I am 36. We had been having issues over the past 12 months or so. Mini break ups (the longest being 3 days) about silly things. I was constantly pushing her away, emotionally, lost of master/slave talk (thanks Al Turtle), eventually creating an enviorment of fear for my ex. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I must mention that what made our relationship "different" was the fact we had to keep it secret from ALL her friends. Her family, my family and friends knew about us, but her friends didn't. The reason for this was because she was an ex-student of mine. So my school didn't know either until recently (post-breakup). So this made things complicated. The catalyst for our breakup happened earlier in the year. I developed feelings for someone else but didnt act on them. I told my ex, thinking she would appreciate my honesty. It sadly backfired. A few weeks later I caught her out texting this guy she studied with. She said it wasn't what I thought It was. I got angry, we had another mini-breakup, but as usual got back together without fully solving the issue. Then a few weeks ago now she was doing some internship work. Met a guy. Similar age, doing similar things as her, etc, etc. They developed an emotional attraction, admitted their feelings for each other and now she is going to see him in two weeks time overseas when she finishes her degree. None of this was made apparent to me until after I put things together. She sent me an email saying that she was scared for the future and our relationship and we should talk. I of course got angry again and was like "fine, we knew it was eventually going to end". Then I found out about this guy and confronted her and then the truth came out. She had never recoverd from me and the girl earlier in the year. She knew that wasn't an excuse for her to emotionally attach herself to someone else, but I could see why she did it. Lots of other stuff to add but don't want this first thread to be too long! We have now been broken up for almost 4 weeks. our last contact was 9 days ago via email. before that it went like this; Oct13 got email. Oct15 talked to her about this guy and WENT CRAZY, Oct16 tried to have an amicable farewell, kisses, hugs, crying, etc, Oct 18th Said I would marry her and have kids (this was another issue that I didnt want either of these with her as I have kids already). Same day emailed her renforcing my feelings. 10 days later sent and email (after days of researching and reading and talking about relationship stuff) trying to not push her away. She replied 2 days later. Said she was confused, didnt know what I wanted, friendship or something else. I sent an email back saying I would like to have somekind of relationship/friendship now or in the future weary of not pushing her futher away and wanting to give her time and space. Also that I would like to share things I had realised (negative behaviour) during our relationship if that was okay?...9 days on no reply. Thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Awoken Link to comment
GotMyLifeBack Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Welcome to the community, Awoken. Well as a fellow student of Al Turtle and survivor of an age gap relationship, we've got a couple things in common. Before parsing out the details of your situation, in your heart of hearts, do you know what you want? Link to comment
Awoken Posted November 9, 2011 Author Share Posted November 9, 2011 Welcome to the community, Awoken. Well as a fellow student of Al Turtle and survivor of an age gap relationship, we've got a couple things in common. Before parsing out the details of your situation, in your heart of hearts, do you know what you want? Thanks for the reply GotMyLifeBack. Because it's still raw I do want her back. I know it's cliche and I've read it here many times already..."I never knew how much I cared for her until she didn't want me anymore". Everyone has talked about the age difference being a factor. Which I understand. And her lack of experience in the "world". This guy she is going to be with is, I assume, going to be able to provide her with new experiences, as she said "ive never been to (city overseas)" Right now I'm trying to let go and accept this current situation. Reading others experiences on here have helped so much though. What happened in your age gap relationship?? Link to comment
GotMyLifeBack Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 What happened in your age gap relationship?? It's a long story man. The age gap was not in and of itself the reason things fell apart. I contributed my share of problems to the relationship, particularly because when I feel suffocated, I withdraw. My ex, on the other hand, was a clinger. We had so many beautiful things going for us and it was all potentially mendable, but she didn't have the life experience to gut out a hard time so she gave up and ran away with a sailor. She'll be back. I believe our connection was strong enough and the good in our relationship was entirely excellent, and she's not the type to ultimately forget who I was to her. She just hit a crazy patch and has to go through this. I expect it will be years and I'll be moved well along, but I certainly want the best for her and love her enough to let her go and enjoy all the choices she has. You'll do yourself a favor if you let go of your ex too. Incidentally, I don't mean to go NC necessarily. That's quite a mantra on here. If you need to be out of contact with your ex for your sake, then do it. Otherwise, whatever contact you have, DON'T PUSH (this is right out of Turtle). You will have to discipline yourself not to chase her, because I guarantee you, if you chase her, she'll run. If you DON'T chase her, and put your time and energy into self improvement and dating if you wish, AND let your ex see you grow and change, then you've got a chance. It's an irony and a blistering truth - when your ex has chosen not to be with you (I'd suggest getting out of the habit of thinking in terms of dumper and dumpee), your healthy course of action is to accept her decision and to turn your focus on to you - you'll be better off, and often this begins to create opportunities for conversation and reconnection. My last thought - this is not a linear process. Most of us have cycled through letting go and not accepting our exes choice many times. Link to comment
Awoken Posted November 9, 2011 Author Share Posted November 9, 2011 Fantastic advice. Turtle and this site and of course your words of wisdom help dull the pain and keep me focussed on accepting reality and moving on. Thanks for sharing your story too, so many similar stories here. Glad I found this site. And as you say all these feelings I am sure are going to 'cycle' back around on me for the next few weeks too!! Thanks again. Link to comment
GotMyLifeBack Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Any time. You seem to be in a relatively good place as you haven't gone overboard with the begging and pleading. Magic can happen with acceptance, and I think this applies generally to life. Link to comment
Awoken Posted November 9, 2011 Author Share Posted November 9, 2011 Still riding that emotional rollercoster! And really only spent 2days and 2 emails begging and pleading...then read turtle and stopped pushing. SOOOOO glad I found his site early on! Link to comment
Awoken Posted November 9, 2011 Author Share Posted November 9, 2011 Finding it hard to get my ex out of my mind. Struggling to stop thinking about her. MADE the fatal mistake of looking at her fb, even though I blocked it. Saw a photo of her and a female friend out on the town...That hurt.Having fun while im still struggling. This sucks!! Link to comment
why do we Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 As someone who's always been with older men I'd like to add that at the age of 21 despite the love I may have had for someone my wanting to experience life and also see people closer to my own age was only natural... so give it a few years when it's really time for her to settle down (when she's able to make conscious choice that is, although it will be largely situational i.e. she doesn't meet someone better) and if you're still there she may be back. Link to comment
carrie8484 Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 you guys are on different paths in life...you got together when she was 16? she needs to experience life as a young woman before she settles...let her be and maybe when she has caught up on those single years like her college friends she will come back if she wants to. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I'm still getting over the fact that you started dating when she was 16. I'll try to be gentle ... do you best to let this one go. Link to comment
Awoken Posted November 9, 2011 Author Share Posted November 9, 2011 Why do we/carrie8484, Thanks for the great advice. People I have been talking to; counsellors, friends, family have all said the same things. Just hurt more when someone you loved leaves you for someone else. You know. Lots of other reasons she left too, but this one hurts the most. Trying my best to let her go and not be angry about everything! We hooked up when she was 17. NEVER in my lifetime did I think I would have a relationship with someone 15 years younger than me! We had always discussed that eventually our relationship would end...just didnt think it would end this way. Link to comment
Awoken Posted November 12, 2011 Author Share Posted November 12, 2011 I'm still getting over the fact that you started dating when she was 16. I'll try to be gentle ... do you best to let this one go. Hi Ms Darcy, You and me BOTH. Honestly I didn't intend to start a relationship with someone so you...even though she was 17 at the time...I obviously had MANY conflicting emotions before we actually hooked up. But it was really how her parents reacted to our relationship that I guess gave me the "it's okay". They could see that AT that time I was a good person who really cared for their daughter. The fear for me now is. What will I do if my daughters hit the same situation in their lives? Thanks for your comments too. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 Handy rule of thumb: If you are in an age gap situation where you are a little concerned about how the parents wil react/want their permission, then she's too young. Link to comment
Awoken Posted November 13, 2011 Author Share Posted November 13, 2011 Handy rule of thumb: If you are in an age gap situation where you are a little concerned about how the parents wil react/want their permission, then she's too young. Very true. Thanks for the advice Ms Darcy. Taking responsibility for my mistakes is yet another positive step towards healing Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 As though as its legal, then its no ones business. I dated a 16 year old who turned 17 before we became gf/bf, I was 24, and she was more mature than I was. We ended up breaking up anyway. She is my friend to this day many years later, only ex I kept as a friend. And we are both perfect for each other, we both know it, but i screwed things up when she tried to get back with me, and i tried to get with her sister (i was bitter over the whole break up). Link to comment
Awoken Posted November 14, 2011 Author Share Posted November 14, 2011 As though as its legal, then its no ones business. I dated a 16 year old who turned 17 before we became gf/bf, I was 24, and she was more mature than I was. We ended up breaking up anyway. She is my friend to this day many years later, only ex I kept as a friend. And we are both perfect for each other, we both know it, but i screwed things up when she tried to get back with me, and i tried to get with her sister (i was bitter over the whole break up). Thanks for your comment Thor. I have seen the advice you have given others on this site and it has been very helpful with my healing process. My ex was very mature for her age too AND I never intended for things to get serious with us. Sadly I screwed things up during our 4 year relationship and am now suffering because of it. Hopefuly through your valuable advice and advice from others if I do get the opportunity to win her back i'll be better prepared! My ex has an older sister too...I did have a quick think about it, but then rememberd how much of a skank she is! Link to comment
LightInTheSky Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Finding it hard to get my ex out of my mind. Struggling to stop thinking about her. MADE the fatal mistake of looking at her fb, even though I blocked it. Saw a photo of her and a female friend out on the town...That hurt.Having fun while im still struggling. This sucks!! AHHHHH FACEBOOK, not a helpful thing when it comes to breaking up. Just remember this, facebook is not reality. Sure you can see a picture of her smiling and having fun but the truth is pictures lie. Also it's easy to smile when out with friends right after a break up but that means nothing when she is at home alone. (Literally 3 hours after my ex broke up with me I was over at a friends house having dinner with her family, looking and acting like nothing was wrong when really I was crumbling inside, its amazing how you can plaster a smile on even in the midst of heartbreak) As someone close to her age, in my opinion it really does come down to the timing in your individual lives. She's young and even if she loves you there will be a part of her wondering what single 20-something life is like. And the truth is, if she had stayed with you instead of going and finding out what else her life can be like, then she would resent you eventually. You might have got a few more good years in but it would have played on her mind eventually. So when you have those down days just remember, you love her and because of that you want her to live her life to the fullest and experience everything that you have had the privilege of experiencing. If it was meant to be then one day she may come back when the time is right but until then don't sit around waiting, distract yourself with your work, kids, and hobbies and one day without even realizing it you will have begun to heal and the future won't look so dark and cloudy anymore. Link to comment
Awoken Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 Great advice! I absolutely agree with everything you have said. It's just trying to get over the hurt of her being with someone else, that's what sucks the most. I realise that this is going to be the BEST thing for both of us right now and I do wonder if we will ever meet up again. It's the classic "you don't know what you have until it's gone". Honestly I'm hoping she figures things out in 12 months or less Everyone keeps on nodding when I tell them how old she is and saying exactly what you have just said. It's almost been 5 weeks BU now. I feel like I'm getting better. Talking with people like yourself on this site helps a lot too. You give some good advice for a 21 year old Ski Instructor! Link to comment
LightInTheSky Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Well thanks .... I have a confession, I'm 18 haha but I have grown-up with a single mom who has single friends and allllll of them go through various boyfriend/break-up crisis's so I've been learning about this stuff from an objective point of view for a loong time. Sometime I took over the mothering role when it came to break-ups (I don't that against her by the way, I has actually helped me a lot) Also I find it easier to deal with my break-up and the hurt that comes with it by making everything logical and this website is sooo helpful because what we all really need, to make things clear, is an objective opinion, which we probably won't even get from our friends and family no matter how much they try. There is something comforting knowing that the responses you get here are honest and genuine and not clouded with years of friendship and love. It's like comfort food for the mind. As for her seeing someone new its going to hurt no matter what anyone says. But remember this new guy has not replaced you. You guys were together for a long time and even with out meaning to she will be comparing and contrasting, NOT thinking one of you is BETTER than the other but just realizing that its DIFFERENT. She can't avoid that, you were her norm and now things are changing. And I won't lie, she may be having fun with this new person because new is always exciting, but new doesn't last. So don't sit there feeling horrible thinking that she's out there falling in love, because she isn't, she's just getting a feel for the single life. Wether she decides she likes this new life or not is a different question and there no way of know that right now. It may be 12 months, it may be two years, heck maybe even longer, no one knows, it's always different. So just keep healing. Link to comment
LightInTheSky Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 As though as its legal, then its no ones business. I dated a 16 year old who turned 17 before we became gf/bf, I was 24, and she was more mature than I was. We ended up breaking up anyway. She is my friend to this day many years later, only ex I kept as a friend. And we are both perfect for each other, we both know it, but i screwed things up when she tried to get back with me, and i tried to get with her sister (i was bitter over the whole break up). Hey Thor you commented on one of my threads regarding working with my ex and I was just curious, what made this ex different from the others so that you guys could become friends? Apart from the whole sister thing how did you two both handle being in each others lives in the beginning? Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Hey Thor you commented on one of my threads regarding working with my ex and I was just curious, what made this ex different from the others so that you guys could become friends? Apart from the whole sister thing how did you two both handle being in each others lives in the beginning? Oh man, take a seat. The compatibilities with me and this girl have are ridiculous. I dont believe in soul-mates, but if i did... she would be the one. Here is a list of things: - I like the paranormal, so does she.. and I mean REALLY LIKE. Like we would go into haunted houses and eff stuff up. - Conspiracy theories, I was always the guy throwing out conspiracy theories (not the stupid unrealistic ones). I remember one time telling her some of this (my ex would fall asleep when i talked her head off about this stuff), and she knew more than I did. I was so used to me and her being the same, that it wasnt a complete shock. - Add aliens, occult, mysteries... and so on... we spent hours talking about the after-life. We stopped talking for a year, and every time she contacts me, she manages to add an interest that I also added. - Martial arts, i grew up on it. She always asks me about martial arts, she likes it too. Though she likes the "styles" that i dont like, it still shows an interest in combat. - Military, shes also into military stuff. - when we were together, our phone convos lasted from moon up, to sun up - She is like me. I am very secluded sometimes, and i want to be alone, so is she. Too much time with people saps me of energy. - She likes to stay home, so do i. - Tons more of how we are the same. Our reactions to things, our outlook on life, etc. - But, like me... she doesnt forgive. And she doesnt chase. Which makes it hard to work anything out with both of us. I do believe she believed when i said i talked to her sister because i was cold and bitter, plus I had an ex break up with me when she did contact me (hmm, theres another hint she wanted me back, she contacted me after a break up. I remember telling her ALL MY EX'S COME BACK. And she got defensive, lol. Actually... now to think of it.. thats why i did make a move on her sister, she said she didnt come back to talk to me. Its only after that that i heard they were fighting over me, and that i hurt her by talking to her sister). And since her sister reminded me of my ex (both had babies and they ended up with new men after the father of the baby left them before birth) i wanted to pry her brain for WHY, i just naturally got attached. But, she doesnt forgive and neither do i. - She broke up with me for a good reason. She was 17, i was like 24. Her mother would have ripped my heart out and clotheslined her in the face. Plus, she was a virgin at the time, she was mature, but her life experiences were not (mines wasnt either, i was a kid despite the age, we looked the same age too, which was funny). The problem with me and her in the beginning, is that I didnt want to be sexual with her. I dont know if it was the age, or the virginity thing. We lost sexual attraction. We both loved each other, or maybe kid-loved each other, since we both didnt know what love is. Also, we were both going through really difficult times, so we were there for each other. I know her darkest secrets, and she knows mines, we went through them while we were together- i think this is the biggest take-away from my rambling- this kept us in contact. Now, i tell her shes going to be mines, and she just blushes. But i think she is dating someone and doesnt want to tell me. She is loyal, so i dont expect much now, plus she rarely communicates now, which is a sign they might have taken a serious step. I would spank that booty now if we meet up, thats for sure. I know we did meet years ago, and her face turned blush red when she saw me. I was a skinny kid with a baby-face when we last saw each other before then. Link to comment
LightInTheSky Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 so it sounds like the really big things that made it possible to stay in contact where how much you guys had in common and going through things together that were immense and difficult. To be honest I see a lot of parallels between you and your ex and me and my ex. We had a lot of stuff in common, like interests and views. We also know each others deepest darkest secrets, see one thing i've never said on this forum that maybe would have given people better insight into my relationship was that only 2 months into our relationship when I was still 17 and in high school... i got pregnant. I know, I know, how dumb do you have to be now a days to get knocked up?! But it happened and it turned our worlds upside down, then 2 weeks later before we had decided what to do with the problem and how to handle everything, I had a miscarriage due to a ski related accident. We got each other through that immensely difficult time together and to this day this is the first time I have ever told anyone, everything happened so fast I didn't even tell my parents. Where I live you don't need parents to be notified of doctor related stuff once your 16. Because of that event I know he and I will always be connected in a special way even if we never talk again. Thanks for your post, it helped me realize somethings So I don't want to high jack this thread, Awoken I hope your doing well today Link to comment
winniethepooh Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 see one thing i've never said on this forum that maybe would have given people better insight into my relationship was that only 2 months into our relationship when I was still 17 and in high school... i got pregnant. I know, I know, how dumb do you have to be now a days to get knocked up?! But it happened and it turned our worlds upside down, then 2 weeks later before we had decided what to do with the problem and how to handle everything, I had a miscarriage due to a ski related accident. We got each other through that immensely difficult time together Ah, yes, that is a significant part of your story. A miscarriage especially will affect you (and him). You don't have to be dumb to get pregnant, just unlucky (or lucky depending on your perspective), but it can help . But I'll go back to the OP's story now ... Link to comment
winniethepooh Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Hi Guys, Or Gidday ? As I have discovered here my story is not unqiue, just different. We all say something like that Had been with my ex for just over 4 years, she is now 21 and I am 36. I think her actual age is far more significant than the age gap. She was 17 when you hooked up, that would normally mean she has had very little personal experience of relationships, whilst I would expect you have had some. So there's a huge imbalance right from the start. Also, her goals and dreams are things she's still trying to figure out, and will probably change rapidly and frequently over the next few years. Things like that settle down as we get older. Whatever they are or were, how much did you factor into them? Distract her from them? Help her with them? And ... what role did she play in your goals and dreams? Ok, you're older, but you're nowhere near the end of your life yet. I was constantly pushing her away, emotionally, lost of master/slave talk (thanks Al Turtle), eventually creating an enviorment of fear for my ex. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Ah yes, isn't it just. At least you recognize these things now. That will help you get through this. I must mention that what made our relationship "different" was the fact we had to keep it secret from ALL her friends. Her family, my family and friends knew about us, but her friends didn't. The reason for this was because she was an ex-student of mine. So my school didn't know either until recently (post-breakup). So this made things complicated. Ah. Did your relationship start while she was at the institution where you teach? Then, to put it mildly, there is an ethical issue here. And really, I don't think teachers (or anyone in a position of authority) should ever start a relationship with a student at the same institute where they have that authority position. And it's a lot easier not to start, than to start and try to justify it later. Anyway, that's academic now. You did get into a relationship, and now you have to deal with the current situation. The catalyst for our breakup happened earlier in the year. I developed feelings for someone else but didnt act on them. I told my ex, thinking she would appreciate my honesty. It sadly backfired. Maybe not in the long run (one way or another) but you are now learning about being careful who you develop feelings for I hope. We can't control our feelings, but we can control situations we put ourselves in where feelings can develop. A few weeks later I caught her out texting this guy she studied with. She said it wasn't what I thought It was. I got angry, we had another mini-breakup, but as usual got back together without fully solving the issue. Your honesty has unfortunately opened up a Pandora's Box for her - there are other men out there. Then a few weeks ago now she was doing some internship work. Met a guy. Similar age, doing similar things as her, etc, etc. They developed an emotional attraction, admitted their feelings for each other and now she is going to see him in two weeks time overseas when she finishes her degree. I would say her youth, and being together with you for 4 years, means she has yet to develop much awareness of how our actions can affect our feelings, and vice versa, when it comes to relationships. She is also discovering a big wide world out there, that has other men in it, that she might be attracted to, and the desire to investigate those options is probably quite strong. Made stronger by your revelation of having had feelings for someone else (I'm not saying it was wrong that you told her, if you hadn't, it would probably have resulted in a much more difficult situation to deal with). None of this was made apparent to me until after I put things together. She sent me an email saying that she was scared for the future and our relationship and we should talk. Boy, I wish I'd received an email like that from my ex. I think you were lucky there. I of course got angry again and was like "fine, we knew it was eventually going to end". Then I found out about this guy and confronted her and then the truth came out. But you blew it. Sorry As the older guy, the onus was on you to behave with a greater degree of maturity. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I say that to help you, not to put you down. She had never recoverd from me and the girl earlier in the year. She knew that wasn't an excuse for her to emotionally attach herself to someone else, but I could see why she did it. Both of you are showing maturity here in acknowledging that. Lots of other stuff to add but don't want this first thread to be too long! We have now been broken up for almost 4 weeks. our last contact was 9 days ago via email. before that it went like this; Oct13 got email. Oct15 talked to her about this guy and WENT CRAZY, Oct16 tried to have an amicable farewell, kisses, hugs, crying, etc, Lots of emotional farts and burps and spluttering now. You're both in a whirl (do you remember "Give it a Whirl"?) Oct 18th Said I would marry her and have kids (this was another issue that I didnt want either of these with her as I have kids already). Sounds like desperation then. I hope she didn't say yes. You will be glad she didn't one day. You're not in a rational state now to seriously think about that. Same day emailed her renforcing my feelings. 10 days later sent and email (after days of researching and reading and talking about relationship stuff) trying to not push her away. She replied 2 days later. Said she was confused, didnt know what I wanted, friendship or something else. I sent an email back saying I would like to have somekind of relationship/friendship now or in the future weary of not pushing her futher away and wanting to give her time and space. Also that I would like to share things I had realised (negative behaviour) during our relationship if that was okay?...9 days on no reply. That's all confusing now, for both of you, and getting more so. Thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Well the obvious and simple thought is that you and her should part ways. I think mostly because of her youth. But also partly because you need to develop a better sense of how to achieve balance in a relationship, especially with someone so much younger than you (and it sounds like you are, but reading stuff does not mean it will just "stick"). If you are in a position where she is still open to communication, and you can avoid getting angry, then maybe you could have one last conversation with her (for the time being) to say something like: even though it is painful for both of you, it might be the best thing to break-up to work on yourselves alone. And especially to let her to work through her confusion. You saying you don't want to have kids, and then you do, is a very confusing signal to send. Alternatively, say that you are willing to talk with her about what she wants in the future to see if there is a way towards that together. But the focus should be on what her goals are because it sounds like you've messed her around a bit recently (not that she is entirely without blame). Or take a period of time apart from each other to think about things with the agreement that you will meet again after a week, two weeks, month, whatever to see if there is a mutually agreeable way to move forwards. And that might be seperately. But don't call it a break, and don't see that space as an opportunity to run after other people. I think there's a book somewhere that explains this scenario in more depth. Like so much to do with relationships, there isn't an easy way forwards for you both now. Just painful ones, so focus on preserving as much dignity and respect for each other as you can. NEVER in my lifetime did I think I would have a relationship with someone 15 years younger than me! We had always discussed that eventually our relationship would end...just didnt think it would end this way. Oh. It has actually ended then? Yes, life always seems to test us and our beliefs. I've had many of those "Never did I think ..." times. I'm sure many have, or everyone has. Everyone has talked about the age difference being a factor. Which I understand. And her lack of experience in the "world". Yes, the age gap is a factor, and a significant one. Doesn't mean a relationship is impossible, but there is a huge imbalance that needed to be addressed. This guy she is going to be with is, I assume, going to be able to provide her with new experiences, as she said "ive never been to (city overseas)" People usually change after doing a bit of travel, especially when they're young. Try your best to leave her with good memories of you, if you still have that opportunity. "Let her go with love" is the expression that comes to mind, from other posts here. Sadly I screwed things up during our 4 year relationship and am now suffering because of it. Hopefuly through your valuable advice and advice from others if I do get the opportunity to win her back i'll be better prepared! Good that you understand that. Be careful if that opportunity presents itself too soon. What will I do if my daughters hit the same situation in their lives? Indeed! Well, this experience will have given you valuable insight Link to comment
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