Daev Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 Hi all. I have been reading this message board for a while now, I started reading it before I broke up with him. My ex is 31 and I am 28, we were together for 2.6 years. I finally plucked up the courage to leave him almost 2 weeks ago now. It has been really really tough emotionally, and at a couple of times I felt like I was losing my sanity. (This is a gay relationship by the way) I am writing this story mostly for myself, but if anyone would like to comment that would be appreciated. I decided to leave my ex almost 2 weeks ago, when he was at work, I went back to the flat, packed all of my things and moved back to my grandparents. The last thing I wanted to do was to end the relationship, but I couldn't go on. My ex lied so much, about most things. 1. He never opened his mail (or very rarely, which resulted in bailiffs coming to the door demanding money for non payment of bills), which was pretty scary. He had even been summoned to court for non payment of bills, yet he would always stick his head in the sand and 'ignore' the problem. Even though he has a good job and has enough money to pay the bills, he chose to ignore it and deal with things at the last minute? The more I asked him to open the mail, the more he seemed to resent me, and would sigh, and make me out to be neurotic and over the top. I was just trying to help him.. We were planning on getting a house together, so I felt like I had the right to know about his financial situation, and to help him. 2. There was this person he had been friends with for around 9 years, they were best friends, and spoke endlessly for hours on the phone, or online. My ex would always close the chat boxes when I appeared next to him, telling me that he was having a 'private conversation'. I also found various suggestive texts which said things along the lines of "i can give you what he cant" etc at the beginning of the relationship. So obviously I started to have trust issues (even though I really tried hard not to lol). Whenever I asked my ex about this guy, he became very defensive, and never introduced me to him in the whole time we were together. Yet my ex would often go and see him, and lied to me - over and over - about where he was going. I knew my ex was going to see him because he was never good at covering his tracks. The last lie he told me was that his grandma's house had been struck by lightning, and she had received severe burns, and he was going to go and see her at the weekend. I was in shock (unsure whether to believe because of all of the lies), but asked if he wanted me to come - he said no. At this point I kinda knew he was going to see this guy, and was pretty disgusted he would make up such a lie about his grandma. Other things such as going out, turning his phone off, disappearing for a night at a time, blocking me from viewing his wall on facebook for 5 months -he told me that he had disabled his wall, but I found out he hadn't, he was just hiding it from me - so he could arrange to meet his friends. He was also drinking heavily, and getting involved with drugs. To be clear, I never once tried to stop him from seeing his friends, in fact I wanted him to see them more, but he seemed to prefer lying to me. So many other things happened, and I sat down so many times with him trying to talk it through, and come up with a way forward. I used to try blaming myself (as it is easier to blame yourself as you can change you, it is harder to change others lol). And he would try for a short time and it would eventually return to normal. He is very emotionally closed, doesn't really talk about feelings and likes to spend most of his time on his laptop - as where I am quite a people person and happy go lucky etc. Leaving was so hard for me as it was my longest relationship, and I feel really tired even thinking about how it all went wrong. I am going no-contact. He tried making contact with me last week to warn me about a motorway accident (my usual route home), which I thought was sweet, and almost opened up conversation with him, but then thought better of it. Part of me really wants to go back because it was the norm, but I know I need to stay strong and remember why I did it. In a way I feel like the dumpee because I was forced in to this decision by his behaviour, over and over. I am so sorry to have gone on, that was very long winded. But I do feel a bit better for it. Thanks for reading (if you made it this far). I guess I just wanted people's thoughts on the situation. He did have good points of course, or else I wouldn't have stayed for that long, but it felt comfortable, and sometimes safe. I hadn't experienced being with someone who wanted to be with me in that way. But maybe he didn't want to be with me in that way. I am such a fool Link to comment
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