Is this a bad sign if my boyfriend did this or NO BIG DEAL?

[CookieMonster8]

This happened about 2 or 3 months ago and I've since let it go but something someone said to me today made me feel bad about it again for a second.

 

Anyway..I did a painting for my boyfriend awhile ago and made it abstract and whatever but on the front in cursive in medium font near the bottom I put the song lyric "LAY ME DOWN IN LOVE WITH YOU CAUSE YOU KNOW I ALWAYS WILL BE." He loved it and was super appreciative but at the time he lived with 3 other guys and since he isn't the most lovey dovey romantic type he asked if I could maybe paint something different on it because he didn't want to get made fun of by his roomates or have something super romantic up on his bedroom wall. At first it totally hurt my feelings but after talking it out with him I understood his point of view.

 

What do you guys think? Is this something I should of let go like I did? I gave him a little crap about it but have left it alone since. Red flag or no big deal?

[pl3asehelp]

Wow, I don't blame you for being hurt. That's really immature callous behavior on his part. I wouldn't let this one go - seems like his friends and his macho image are more important than you.

[jumper11]

Yeah thats immature of him and he's thinking of his friends opinion before yours, simply put. I wouldn't give him anything now. I would be so angry

[camus154]

Oh puh-lease.

 

It was a really nice thing you did for him, and ok...asking you to change it wasn't the smoothest of moves. But come on, you can't be that surprised that a guy living with other guys is going to be hesitant to hang something like that up on his bedroom wall. Taking that personally, like it says some big thing about how he feels about you, is ridiculous.

 

Go watch "How to Lose A Guy In 10 Days". Not everything has to be So Serious.

[Ms Darcy]

Oh puh-lease.

 

It was a really nice thing you did for him, and ok...asking you to change it wasn't the smoothest of moves. But come on, you can't be that surprised that a guy living with other guys is going to be hesitant to hang something like that up on his bedroom wall. Taking that personally, like it says some big thing about how he feels about you, is ridiculous.

 

Go watch "How to Lose A Guy In 10 Days". Not everything has to be So Serious.

 

I agree with this.

[pl3asehelp]

I agree with this.

 

So she does all this hard work and pours her emotions out into this work and his response is basically that she embarrasses him and she's just supposed to go 'ho hum, ok, sorry'? I think if you can lose a guy in this situation that it's a good thing - who would want a lifetime of this kind of treatment. Does he allow you to hold his hand or kiss him in public or is he afraid his friends will make fun of him for getting girl cooties?

[camus154]

So she does all this hard work and pours her emotions out into this work and his response is basically that she embarrasses him and she's just supposed to go 'ho hum, ok, sorry'? I think if you can lose a guy in this situation that it's a good thing - who would want a lifetime of this kind of treatment. Does he allow you to hold his hand or kiss him in public or is he afraid his friends will make fun of him for getting girl cooties?

 

Well that's certainly dramatic.

 

Let's turn this around. What if the boyfriend is thinking, "wow, she invested all this time into something she knew I wasn't going to like and then uses it against me when I don't like it. That's really selfish and manipulative of her, come to think of it. Is she TRYING to embarrass me? Maybe I should ditch this woman and find one who really knows and understands me better!"

 

Or, you know, maybe everyone could lighten up and not take everything So Seriously.

[Captain Obvious]

Just because something has good intentions doesnt make it the best of ideas. Sure, in a perfect world his mates would compliment the picture but sadly we dont live in that world. What if you were with your parents and he turned up dressed as a giant love heart playing the lute to you? Theres a time and place for everything and just because he isnt comfortable with the picture doesnt mean he loves you any less at all.

[pl3asehelp]

Well that's certainly dramatic.

 

Let's turn this around. What if the boyfriend is thinking, "wow, she invested all this time into something she knew I wasn't going to like and then uses it against me when I don't like it. That's really selfish and manipulative of her, come to think of it. Is she TRYING to embarrass me? Maybe I should ditch this woman and find one who really knows and understands me better!"

 

Or, you know, maybe everyone could lighten up and not take everything So Seriously.

 

Creating a painting is a very personal expression and it takes a lot of work. It is dramatic. Just cleaning up after painting takes forever so I'd say any painting at all was done with some serious intentions behind it. Her message didn't sound like a joke to me. It's like someone going out of their way to cook a special meal for you? They go to the store then come home and spend a few hours cooking. What if it happens to be something you don't like? You eat it, say thank you and appreciate the thought and effort behind it. You don't go 'ew gross, i hate brocolli'. Sounds like the OP was just thinking about himself and how he appears to his friends and not about his gf feelings at all - red flag.

[pl3asehelp]

Just because something has good intentions doesnt make it the best of ideas. Sure, in a perfect world his mates would compliment the picture but sadly we dont live in that world. What if you were with your parents and he turned up dressed as a giant love heart playing the lute to you? Theres a time and place for everything and just because he isnt comfortable with the picture doesnt mean he loves you any less at all.

 

I don't think he should be caring what his mates think, good or bad. If he were a confident guy that loved his women, if his friends were to brutally make fun of him, he'd just laugh and tell them he doesn't care what they think. I think the fact that he cares about his mates impression of him more than how his girlfriend feels does in fact indicate how he feels about her - she's a fun distraction when he's not hanging out with buddies, but if she does anything that would tarnish his image among his mates then she needs to be reminded of her place.

[Ms Darcy]

Just because something has good intentions doesnt make it the best of ideas. Sure, in a perfect world his mates would compliment the picture but sadly we dont live in that world. What if you were with your parents and he turned up dressed as a giant love heart playing the lute to you? Theres a time and place for everything and just because he isnt comfortable with the picture doesnt mean he loves you any less at all.

 

I agree and I had to laugh at this. It's true!

 

Overall it sounds like they have a good relationship. He was really appreciative of her effort. He had a worry about his friends/his masculinity (really that's what that was). I think these are separate things. He can love her and treat her well and yet struggle with "being a man" in front of others. Now if he didn't care about her gift at all, that would be a different issue. He did care but worried about other folks.

[Captain Obvious]

Creating a painting is a very personal expression and it takes a lot of work. Just cleaning up after painting takes forever so I'd say any painting at all was done with some serious intentions behind it. Her message didn't sound like a joke to me. It's like someone going out of their way to cook a special meal for you? They go to the store then come home and spend a few hours cooking. What if it happens to be something you don't like? You eat it, say thank you and appreciate the thought and effort behind it. You don't go 'ew gross, i hate brocolli'. Sounds like the OP was just thinking about himself and how he appears to his friends and not about his gf feelings at all - red flag.

 

Its more comparable to her saying shes going to cook a certain food and him suggesting she cooks something else because he doesnt like that certain food. If he wasnt thinking of his girlfriend he would have dismissed the whole painting idea totally but instead opted for compromise.

 

I don't think he should be caring what his mates think, good or bad. If he were a confident guy that loved his women, if his friends were to brutally make fun of him, he'd just laugh and tell them he doesn't care what they think. I think the fact that he cares about his mates impression of him more than how his girlfriend feels does in fact indicate how he feels about her - she's a fun distraction when he's not hanging out with buddies, but if she does anything that would tarnish his image among his mates then she needs to be reminded of her place.

 

I wouldnt say its right just to disregard what anyone else thinks just because its your girlfriend thats doing it, friends are very important too. A good partner realises that they arent the only person in their partners life, they would realise the picture was going to have a negative effect on them.

[The Archer]

Creating a painting is a very personal expression and it takes a lot of work. It is dramatic. Just cleaning up after painting takes forever so I'd say any painting at all was done with some serious intentions behind it. Her message didn't sound like a joke to me. It's like someone going out of their way to cook a special meal for you? They go to the store then come home and spend a few hours cooking. What if it happens to be something you don't like? You eat it, say thank you and appreciate the thought and effort behind it. You don't go 'ew gross, i hate brocolli'. Sounds like the OP was just thinking about himself and how he appears to his friends and not about his gf feelings at all - red flag.

 

I wouldn’t eat a meal I didn’t want to eat. Doesn’t matter how much trouble someone has gone to.

 

I also wouldn’t hang an abstract painting on my wall.

I think this guy deserves a break! We cant force things on people like that.

[CookieMonster8]

I'm not really trying to downplay the situation cause of course I was a little hurt by everything and I did tell him I was. I'm probably not redoing it and probably not giving it back to him. He'll be lucky to get a painting from me in the future but I have no plans on pulling that off again.

 

I probably put two hours into it total..it's a small piece and wasn't something I spent months and months doing. If that were the case I would have been a lot angrier but I had already had all the material and didn't go to far out of my way to do what I did which is part of the reason I think I got over it quick. Although it stung for a day or 2, I try to pick my fights and I didn't want to ruin my good relationship over something like this. I know he appreciated it, I know it meant a lot to him but he is more of a private person when it comes to feelings which I don't think means he loves me any less.

[DN]

You didn't think things through - if he lived on his own he could have hung that somewhere private. But you knew he had roommates and a little thought would have helped you realise the hazing he would have got for that. It's as if he got a Valentine's card from you with a love message and he framed it to put up on his wall, most guys would never live that down from their roommates.

 

Some things between couples are best kept private and you should have realized that - you were not being very sensitive. Saying you won't do another painting is not very helpful either - you could do one without a love note.

[DylanNotorious]

Well he could have kept it and kept it hidden in his wardrobe, and not put it on the wall. And then when he gets his own place maybe hang it on the wall then? If your still in the picture?

[The Archer]

I’d keep it in a safe place. Maybe one day he will feel more comfortable putting it on his wall.

 

Just a thought, are you more upset with perhaps the way he expresses his affection towards you? Maybe he’s not as open about his feelings for you and you don’t like that?

 

I’ve come accross this before with an ex partner. She was happy to hold hands all day but not around her friends. I always took that personally. Like she was embarrassed to be seen with me!

[OptomisticGirl]

I don't think he should be caring what his mates think, good or bad. If he were a confident guy that loved his women, if his friends were to brutally make fun of him, he'd just laugh and tell them he doesn't care what they think. I think the fact that he cares about his mates impression of him more than how his girlfriend feels does in fact indicate how he feels about her - she's a fun distraction when he's not hanging out with buddies, but if she does anything that would tarnish his image among his mates then she needs to be reminded of her place.

 

Sadly that's a very black and white way to look at it it and the world isn't black and white. Should he care about what his mates think? maybe not but for a lot of people what others think matters a lot. I could tell my husband 'don't ever go to a strip club' but what if one night him and the guys are out and they want to go? Should he come home early simply because of me? Course not! I think he could have said something like 'can we hang it at your place' or hung it in his room but it doesn't mean he doesn't love her or he is putting friends before her. That's trying to make a mountain out of a mole hill.

[OptomisticGirl]

Saying you'll never do another painting is very passive aggressive as well. He loved your painting and only didn't want it up because of roommates.

[XxJustMexX]

Just a side thought... If he and his roommates are close enough to clown each other, then they should be close enough to understand each other as well... correct? I think it's completely different to not put it up to be considerate to your roommates (ie let's say it was tacky), and not putting it up because he'll get made fun of. IMO putting something up that has sentimental value shouldn't be a problem. There's a big difference in reason there obviously. But honestly if the painting doesn't really "go", then sure it's understandable... but it doesn't seem to be his reason for not putting it up. The bottom line is he's more worried about what his friends think than what you think. People can say that this is man thing or whatever, but I live with two guys and neither one of them are ashamed of anything lovey-dovey with their girlfriends. They proudly take the bashing from their guy buddies... Why...? Because they're proud of their girlfriends and the opinions of their guy buddies doesn't phase them, they know they're just playing around.

[TheVP]

The guy deserves a little time in the doghouse in my opinion.

[camus154]

Although it stung for a day or 2, I try to pick my fights and I didn't want to ruin my good relationship over something like this. I know he appreciated it, I know it meant a lot to him but he is more of a private person when it comes to feelings which I don't think means he loves me any less.

 

Well, great. Sounds like there is absolutely no problem here then.

[blueidealist24]

I can see where he's coming from, and I don't think it means he doesn't love you, but I wouldn't put the effort into making something else.

[Imthatguy]

This reminds me of a guy at a mine I used to work at. His girlfriend brought him chocolate and a bear and junk to work and left it at security for Valentines day (since she couldn't enter the site herself they said they'd get hold of him and have him come pick it up). Well they called to reach him but got someone else, and he asked what they wanted him for so they told him. Well his shifter went down and got the present and brought it up to the control room for everyone to see. And by everyone to see I mean for everyone to make fun of him that day and subsequent weeks. Yeah it was a nice gesture, but to emasculate a man infront of his peers can really be a negative experience for him. Although it is HILARIOUS for the others.

[OptomisticGirl]

I def think making a gift you have to know your partner. If he's living with others in an area were he doesn't have an area to himself privately, a painting while sweet was not very thought out. I COULD make my husband something and I know he would cherish it but I also know he would much rather have a new model airplane than something I made that is going to sit some were - same way he knows I'd rather have money to buy scrapbook stuff with than a piece of jewlery I'm going to wear. The jewlery will be nice but I'm going to get more out of the scrapbook stuff.