BF and I lost virginities to one another...2 Months Later He Breaks Up With Me

[SweetSeul]

Does sex really change a man and make him hornier for other girls? Is that one of the reasons he broke up with me?

 

My BF and I were in a long term relationship for 6 years. We both come from conservative Catholic backgrounds and intended to wait until marriage. We became long distance for a few months because I had to move for grad school. He spent a LOT of money and had to undergo a lot of paperwork to visit me. By him visiting me and going through such lengths, I felt like he really proved himself and his commitment to us. So...I thought that he had "earned" it. But we talked about it first and we asked each other if this was what the other really wanted, given our very strong moral beliefs. He assured me nothing would change because we were getting married anyway and I would be his wife.

 

Two months later he breaks up with me and now I really regret giving him my virginity!!!! During our closure conversation, I brought it up and he assured me that it was all real, that he really believed we were getting married but now he is feeling too confused to be in a relationship and that I deserve someone who could love me better than him because he's confused blah blah blah. He said he never used me that he really loved me etc.

 

I am his most serious relationship and he is in his late 20's. Did him experiencing sex make him feel like he could be missing out?

 

Have I created a monster by taking his virginity?

[equinox]

When I lost my virginity, I found that my sex drive took a nose dive. I was actually happy over that because I was more focused afterwards but yes, I can tell you that I did start wondering about other women. I think it's human nature more than anything to do with men. For example, if you try a new food from a new cuisine, you'll likely want to try others. One thing for certain is that sex changes a relationship in a big way. You might feel bad about this but consider what might have happened if you had waited until you were married and he felt as he does now. That would be a dreadful situation.

 

What you described however does really illustrate why sex should never be taken in a tongue and cheek manner. You'll get through this, keep your chin up

[Snowy]

I'm sorry but what has happened happened and you can't really do anything about it now.

 

It's better to find and live with someone who LOVES you, than to stay with the person who took your virginity but doesn't love you enough to give you a relationship.

 

I can't really see how sex has anything to do with it though.

[SweetSeul]

Double post by accident

[SweetSeul]

I'm sorry but what has happened happened and you can't really do anything about it now.

 

Yes, I know that.

 

But I am curious if having sex for the first time/a guy losing his virginity changes a man in any way? Makes him more confident/self-assured/feel more attractive?

 

Does he become more curious about other women and wonder if the grass is greener on the other side?

 

I guess I am just wondering what it is like for a man when he loses his V.

[livelarge]

I wonder why you are focusing on his horniness. Has he been acting horny? Is he dating others?

 

Because it's possible he feels tremendous religious guilt over losing his virginity or taking yours. It's also possible he thinks less of you now (Madonna complex).

 

There's a million possible reasons for his behavior and it's hard to narrow it down based on what little information you have given.

[Day_Walker]

I dont think that losing his virginity made him wonder what else was out there. If he had a wondering eye or wanted to experience more then he had that before he had sex.

[HannahLynn]

One of my ex's and i dated for about 3 years before we had sex for the same reasons as you stated. He dumped me two weeks later on the phone, on the doorstep of a girl he was about to hook up with.

 

My most recent ex(who was extremely religious and wouldnt even consider 'doing stuff' before marriage) and i had sex accidentally. When i say accidentally i mean that we got heated, and it just happened(i was not content on waiting). He broke up with me immediately after from such guilt he experienced. He told me that he messed up and that we wouldnt see each other anymore. These days he lives out west alone, ranching his cows and horses with no civilization for miles and miles, and without a cell phone and tv.

 

I know how you feel obviously. Once i got past the "i guess im a horrible sex partner" thoughts, i tried to piece it together. The first guy i dated was just an idiot. After we broke up, we didnt talk to about 3 months. In that time he had sex with about 9 women. I *think* that he got a taste of sex, and wanted more and more. Nowadays he cheats on his gf's, parties constantly and smokes alot of weed. I DO think it was cause he got over the fear of giving his virginity and wanted to bang everything that moved. We both had been brought up to think sex was dirty and bad. So, the whole forbidden fruit thing kind of escalated for him. But, as you can see, im much better off without him, though it did mess me up for about 2 years.

 

The second guy just felt guilty. I have no doubt about that. it had alot to do with me, but only because he said he had 'disgraced' my name and felt horrible. So i guess theres two sides and i cant really give much advice, only that you need to look at this as a learning experience. I will never understand guys, ever. Despite what they say, i think they can be magnificent complex creatures. I dont buy that they are always simple or easy to read. I wish you well and dont worry so much. I know its hard, extremely hard, but this is just a stepping stone to where you need to get in your life.

[SweetSeul]

Thank you for all the input.

 

He wants to come see me for a final goodbye before I go back to grad school. Is it better for me not to bring it up again? I guess I keep looking for reassurance that he didn't use me for that.

 

HannahLyn, did you stay in contact with your two ex's afterwards and did any of the, try to get back with you after some time?

[HannahLynn]

Thank you for all the input.

 

He wants to come see me for a final goodbye before I go back to grad school. Is it better for me not to bring it up again? I guess I keep looking for reassurance that he didn't use me for that.

 

HannahLyn, did you stay in contact with your two ex's afterwards and did any of the, try to get back with you after some time?

 

I stayed in contact with my first ex for a very long time afterwards, which ended up being one of my greatest regrets in life. We kept in contact, and on occasion he would want to see me. Id oblige, but it always ended badly. He only wanted sex for the most part, and used me as a 'friend' to get some. If i could go back i would have cut all contact and stuck to it.

The second ex made it very easy, and we both agreed we would never speak again. I said a final goodbye in a text, and that was it. I moved on from that relationship not easily, but in better time and i when i look back to him now i am very thankful to have 'lived and learned' and for not dragging it out and making my life more miserable than it had to be.

 

to be honest it does not seem like your ex used you. but i cant be sure of what he is thinking.