Is "too busy" always code for not interested?

[Erik26]

About 3 weeks ago I asked a girl from my college if she wanted to get a drink after class. (know her for 2 months now) She said something like "I'm really busy right now, with studying for the upcoming exams and some other stuff but it could happen after that."

 

I'm not sure if she really was too busy (we did have exams last week and she works as a manager) or if it was a "nice" way to reject me. One of the reasons why I have doubts is because a while ago another girl who wasn't interested at all gave me almost the exact same lines. The difference with this this girl is that I have a lot more contact with her. I see her twice a week and sit next to her at all our shared classes. She also tells me personal things about her life and once we had drinks with some of her friends. However, sometimes she seems distant and ignores me then later gives me attention again. Plus she did make time these past weeks to do stuff with friends, she even told me about it. I guess it's a good sign she didn't try to hide that from me.

 

So now that our exams are over should I ask her again, or just wait and see if she brings it up? I don't want it to become akward for the rest of the semester.

[Ariel85]

It's a blowoff. People that are interested will ALWAYS make time for someone, and if not, at a minimum, do their best to reschedule

 

I don't see how it's a good sign that she told you she's had time for other people than you. If anything, it's a confirmation she's not interested.

 

I'd move on...

[Vaglar]

What Ariel82 said. What she's saying is "I don't want to make time for you". Having said that, yes you should ask her out after the exam, but not straight after. Leave a week or two before asking, but don't expect anything because she doesn't seem interested. If she says no this time, move on.

[Rissee]

I actually disagree. It's certainly possible that she IS interested, but is truly busy and doesn't want to get distracted. That's how I am myself. Schoolwork and studies always go first for me, and if I find someone I'm interested in, that person is gonna have to wait if I'm overloaded with work. It doesn't mean that I'm not interested...it just means that I don't want to juggle everything at once in my schedule. So yes, I agree with Valgar that it means "I don't want to make time for you," but that doesn't automatically implicate "I don't want to make time for you BECAUSE I'm not interested."

 

I'm not saying this line is never used as an excuse, but I think it can be a legitimate reason. That said, if exams are over now, I would ask her again. If she says no, then I'd move on.

[blueidealist24]

I think she might still be a bit interested, but not THAT interested. I'd still ask her one more time but I'd do what Vaglar said, wait a bit.

[eternalsunrise]

She is most likely telling the truth. Sounds legit.

I'm that way too, I have to totally focus when I'm in that mode of trying to complete a task.

 

She may or may not be interested but bottom line, she's not available at the moment. - For all intents and purposes, that's all you really need to know. Just go with the flow of it and move on. If she actually is interested maybe she'll initiate contact when things cool off.

[lalalollipops]

Nah she's not interested. If she was busy but interested she would have said sth like 'sure, I'd like that. But I'm all out these days, how about we make a date for next week, give me a text/call later?'

lol her response was too non committal and vague.

[DylanNotorious]

No she isn't interested. If she was interested, she'd make the time because that's what people do when they are interested. They don't want the opportunity to slip away so they make the time.

 

Think about it, nobody says they are busy to that gorgeous girl/guy that they are interested in. They just don't.

[Erik26]

Thanks for the replies. I did take it as a rejection at first but later on I started to think about it. It's just like some of you said, she would make time. I'll just wait for now and see how she acts around me.

[Unstoppable_Juggernaut]

Ok, you don't want to seem desperate. I'd say remain friendly with her and act like you know nothing, but act slightly aloof as if you don't notice her in a romantic way. Don't ask her out again, you've already planted the seed. If she really was "that busy" to make time, maybe she'll come around and see you're a worthwhile guy. Exercise your other options in the meantime, and just simply play it by ear. You made the first move, now it's her turn.

[zccr3279]

IMO -- the odds of being interested and not available are about...1%. The odds of blowing you off or having an excuse...99%.

[Day_Walker]

I think that you have to make a decision about statements like "i'm too busy" and similar ones. I have decided that women who respond with such statements are not interested (of course they could be playing hard to get) but I have decided that is not how I want to operate. If she doesnt show interest then I see no point in pursuing her. It is that simple in my mind.

[kate198]

Sorry Erik but if she's into you she's seeing you. I've used the too busy line and those guys always keep calling.

[Erik26]

An update - I found out that she recently broke up with her boyfriend. She used to work with him, he helped her with a lot of stuff at the workplace and was kinda her best friend. Now she's having a hard time at her job because he's not there anymore.

 

The last time I saw her, everything seemed fine at the beginning but as the day progressed she became more quite, practically ignoring me at the end. I think I'm going to write her that I'm fine with being just friends (and I really am) if that's what she wants.

[tyr72]

An update - I found out that she recently broke up with her boyfriend. She used to work with him, he helped her with a lot of stuff at the workplace and was kinda her best friend. Now she's having a hard time at her job because he's not there anymore.

 

The last time I saw her, everything seemed fine at the beginning but as the day progressed she became more quite, practically ignoring me at the end. I think I'm going to write her that I'm fine with being just friends (and I really am) if that's what she wants.

 

I think a letter is overkill. Unless there is something more that happened after she said she was busy to make her feel like you wouldn't be, you should just let it lie. Go one with your life, let hers settle down, and if you're still interested in a few months ask her again.