Was not ready .... been when I am ...

[Hope2011]

I was in a three year relationship with a girl who wanted me terribly. I was in school and very busy with many things going on: school related, work related, and family related. I was not ready for a relationship and as a result we were not dating, but she still wanted me in her life. I told her she could leave and she still wanted the relationship to work out.

 

I was not ready and as a result I talked to other girls and made a few mistakes to push the girl out of my life. I tried many ways to end the relationship but she still wanted to make it work and I still liked her. I tried to make it work to. We even lived with each other for a short time.

 

But it was not until I graduted from college and she transferred to a new school that our relationship fell apart. I became jobless, got laid off by employer because they hired too many people, that I found out that I love her.

 

I was low in confidence and tried to push her into dating. I am another state then her and as a result she rejected me over the phone. I sent her flowers, sent love letters,told her I would move to where she is, cried on the phone, and begged. I did all the wrong things. She said her reasons was because she could not trust me and needed to heal. I resepect her, but I still love her. She still loves me and misses me for that matter.

 

We are not trying the best friend thing, month after the unofficial break-up and it's not working out for me because I want her back so much. We have talked via phone a few times, I will admit, ita hard on me. She is in college and is doing the whole partying and she smokes weed a whole lot. She says she is happy, which I am glad for.

 

I have deleted her in my FaceBook and blocked her. I want her back, but can't do this best friend thing. The NC makes me miss her so much and makes me think if all the new guys she is meeting, parties she's going to, and crazy things she's doing. I love her so much and I feel like I messed up, solely, the relationship. I didnt know what I had, till I lost it.

 

I have tried the NC, but have not lasted a full week. She has not lasted a full week. Even though she appears or even is happy ..... it hurts knowing she can live without me.

 

I need some major advice. I am not sure what to do-- stay her friend or just stop talking to her till she wants me back in her life. We have started to talk in the phone, we didn't before.

 

I am not sure what to do-- please help.

[John3572]

I've been in your shoes. I've also been on her shoes. I have dated someone and done all the right things but because she wasn't ready, we stopped seeing each other. Less than three years later she regetted leading me on and being gun shy about having a relationship with me and hired a private investigator to find me(I moved out of the area.). Long story short, when I did make contact with her I was indifferent to her like your ex is being with you. If wasn't out of spite or resentment, it was I knew that she didn't want me when I wanted her and I wasn't good enough for her(she'd recently gotten out of a three year relationship that she didn't tell me about) so I decided I wasn't good enough when she wanted me.

 

I'd realized the same thing that your ex realized, she can love without you. When you were wrapped up in yourself(no pun intended) she gave you 100%. You were not wrong for "doing you" you should always put yourself before anyone else or a romantic relationship, however, you have to remember that what you weren't ready for back then might not be available to you when you want it.

 

It sucks, I know. I feel your pain. There are few things that hurt more than loving someone you can't have. Unfortunately, I do not think there is a future with you too. Mainly because she's going NC, that's usually a good indicator that they've eliminated any possibility of a reconciliation.

[Hope2011]

I have done NC for going on two weeks now. We were suppose to talk via phone and that did not happen. She could not find me on FaceBook to let me know because I blocked her but she still contacted me by emailing my personal email. I accidently said "Hello!" but did not respond back to her.

 

We have been on and off with the NC for a month but now I am not talking to her. She wants to stay friends. I am the dumpee and she is the dumper. I miss her like crazy and always wonder what she is doing. We last talked she put on a face of how happy she is and how great life is. I could not deal with it and that's when I figured NC is the best thing for me.

 

She still wants to be friends ..... should I respond back to her email? We have been on and off contacting for a month.

[EgoJoe]

Turn your Facebook back on.Unblock but do not friend her. Post a smiling profile pic. Don't contact her, don't indulge spurious contact unless she asks about you etc.

 

Be light, cheerful, cocky, funny and self-centered. Always try to incite an emotional response with dialogue. Simultaneously, realize that marijuana does not help with emotional expression it actually hinders it (Al Turtle's thoughts that I concur with due to personal experience and observation) and that you went from a position of power to a position of supplication. You don't want either; you want equal terms, 50/50 friendship. Now, that being said, a man is stll always going to be responsible for leading his relationships, primarily in the love, romance and emotional support sectors.

 

Right now, you need to work on yourself. Get a job, go to the gym, eat better, new wardrobe, whiten your teeth and expand your mind. No matter what happens with the girl you'll grow as a result. Feel free to PM me at any time to vent or post here. As you fade away from her she'll grow curious, the next time she contacts please come here before responding.

 

Keep your head up champ!

[Hope2011]

If I unblock her, wouldn't that show her that I am still a weak person?

EgoJoe, how would you say smoking weeds hinders her healing?

 

Thanks for the much (much) needed advice. I miss her because I do love her.

[Hope2011]

Need help!! I have done the NC and my ex still reaches out to me once a week. I made the mistake a broke NC by texting her I hope she was okay and safe because of something happening on her campus. I ended with "love you." she texted me back the next day and told me the situation and ended with "I miss you love you." This was four days ago.

 

I am wondering if I should respond back to her. She is putting effort to keep me in her life. I am still healing, dumpee. Does anyone have any advice or similar story about what you did/have done?

[EgoJoe]

Sorry I never saw your reply. If you unblock after reactivating it doesn't show anything but that you unblocked and smiled in a profile pic. If she ever asks you just say I didn't want you to appear in my search and enough time had passed so that I didn't have to worry about your face popping up and annoying me (say it with a laugh or if via text, a haha).

 

I just blocked my Ex and all of her friends on my fbook for this same reason. Tired if avoding using the search function and then one of her friends popped up and I accidentally liked a public post momentarily (seconds) while going to quickly block. So I got my head straight and blocked everyone my Ex knows so I can use my fbook without even being bothered.

 

As far as the other stuff goes. Stop initiating for awhile and come here the next time she does so we can put it all together.

[hausser]

Good points guys, I blocked my ex on FB months back but have been thinking of unblocking.

[Hope2011]

Well I did unblock my ex and I have not added her back as friend. I did delete her friends from my friends list.

 

hausser, did you block your ex?

 

I am still doing NC!! I am also to think she is a little confused about the break up because of her last text to me. She said, "I miss you love you." I am not sure how to take that.