Did I just screw up big time????

[ComputerGuy]

I have just told the my ex, who I am still in love with, that I need a break, and I'm taking her off my instant messenger lists, etc and that I dont want to be contacted for a while.

 

I am never going to get get over this if I don't do this because everytime I see her name pop up online, it feels like we are breaking up all over again. The porblem is, she is mad at me, and she said she doesnt - but I wouldn't be surpised if she did - hate me.

 

I know I hurt her badly, and I am really sorry for this, I told her so. When we broke up she wanted to stay friends, and I told her I did too, but now I realise I need a break and need to stop having these feelings for her before I can start being her friend.. I explained all this but now it seems she want's nothing to do with me ever again.

 

I feel like the biggest a**hole on the planet for doing this....I need someone to tell me I did the right thing, because right now, I feel like I just screwed up really badly.

[rich46]

100% you did the right thing! I know exactly how it feels trying to be friends with your ex when you haven't healed properly. I presume that your ex is pretty young if you are only 19, so maybe she doesn't realise how hard it is for you. Sometimes I feel guilty because I told my ex how I couldn't be "best friends" with her. Crazy I know, but it feels like we are the bad guys for not being able to be just friends. But you know what? Too bad! We have to think about ourselves right now, just like they did when they dumped us.

 

So you have done the right thing...FOR YOU! I don't remember your story right now, but in general our exes need to deal with the consequences of finishing with us. We need to look after ourselves, and that means some essential healing time in the form of No Contact.

 

Good luck,

 

Rich

[Meow18]

You definantly did the right thing. You are right, you need to do this. No contact is the best way to get over someone you love.

 

Everytime you see her come online, you will just think about her again & you will feel the pain. Its definantly hard to get over someone when you keep seeing them, or being reminded of them, because it just makes you remember how much you want to be with them.

 

At least if you block her & get no contact or anything, you won't be reminded of her everyday. I know she pops in your mind anyway, but you will see that that will happen less & less over time.

 

Don't feel like you did anything wrong. You did this for you. I'm sure she doesn't hate you. Maybe she doesn't understand, but you know its best & thats all that matters. She may feel like you don't want her in your life, but she should at least try to understand. I mean, she hurt you by breaking things off, which isn't exactly her fault if thats how she was feeling, but she should try to understand that you are doing this for yourself. You need to be happy again, this is the only way.

[PAdreamer]

Allan, sweetie, honey... I said it in your xanga and I'll say it here. It's fine for you to be worried about her feelings, but your feelings matter too. You have to keep in mind that YOU did not end the relationship, SHE did. You haven't done anything wrong here. If you feel that you would be better off for the time being with no contact, you have that right. And I trust that once she gets past her hurt feelings, she will understand your reasoning. If she doesn't then she's probably not the best friend for you to have around anyway.

 

You just need to give it some time, okay? It's only been a few days, and you're not used to all the drama that goes along with these things yet. Don't beat yourself up over making a decision that you feel was right for yourself.

[DaniNYC21]

You definitely did the right thing here. You cannot be friends with your ex until enough time has passed...until you are not in love anymore. You have nothing to feel bad about whatsoever. You need to take care of yourself and stop worrying about taking care of her. Trust me...no contact works. Most people go the no contact route because that will supposedly get your ex back and sometimes that works. But the best thing about the no contact rule is that little by little you actually start feeling better about you and you can begin to move on.

[ComputerGuy]

Thanx guys.....I just needed some reassurance. I still feel like crap about it, but I know its for the better, I just don't like hurting people.

 

Also I know NC works....it has worked for me once before REALLY well. Thanx for taking the time to reply to me and let me know it was the right choice.

 

And thank you PA for being there to listen to and help me when I decide to have an emotional spastic attack

[Meow18]

ComputerGuy, did you ever get my pm by any chance? Just checking to see if it actually sent...

[cassiana]

You did the right thing. It is by far the best course of action.I'm sure shes just angry at you because she isn't getting everything her own way but in the end she will respect you.

[ComputerGuy]

Yep I just got it now.....I had popups turned off still so I never got the alert...thanx maggie