CLOSURE!!!!!!!!!!!! ;-) THANK YOU

[tristesse]

To all of you and especially to those who have been following my story, and to to those people who I am eternally grateful.

 

Today is a new beginning for me. And I'd like to share with you my feelings and what is marking the beginning of a new chapter in my life.

 

After months of crying, wondering and trying without any contact, seek closure and forgiveness myself, I finally got it!

I realized that I can find lots of reasons to hate my ex and be angry at him because he id not who I thought he was, then in some way, I hate him for not changing to what he was I guess, or to what I once thought he was. But I realized that I can't be angry with people who don't have the capacity to change, or share with me, or love me. It's their limitation.

Through out this break up, I had no power; in fact it was so sudden that it took me a long time to accept it.

 

Also I never said good bye to him, neither did he, he just disappeared without a word of explanation, I spend many night wondering why? Wondering how he just walked away from 4 years of happiness and away from the future with had once planned together.

 

But all these sleepless nights didn't give me the answer I was looking for, instead I got my own answer! Meaning that I realized that I only have power on thing: Closing it myself!

 

I thought about what was bothering me so much, and first thing was the way it ended. I never thought that J and I will every break up, in fact I was sure he was the one, so was my whole family and all our friends… but also I knew that if it was to end, I would have wanted a nice good bye, because the truth is that even thus he left like a coward, he was a great guy to me for 4 years. I shared so much with him

Our laughter, our tears, our trips all of them are great memories that were shattered by my anger. I could no longer look back with a smile; the anger was holding me back from moving for changing from enjoying my life.

 

Also my ego was holding me back from contacting him. I understand the no contacting rule and fully encourage it. I have not talk to my ex or e-mailed since the beginning and also he no longer lives in my city since he ran away and moved to Los Angels… he never came back in town to tell me on my face this, his last words were " if I see you I cn't leave you".

 

But the no contact rule, as hard as it was, because it left me here in my sorrow without any answers, but as painful as it was, it helped me to look deeper, it helped me to search inside me.

 

And yesterday, I finally send him and e-mail, which I had written and was waitting the day that I would be totally ready to close the chapter to send it to him and in fact I did it last night.

 

In the letter, I shared with him my disappointment, I told him my emotions, but above all I told him that the image that he has given me is far from the one I once loved. I finished my letter by telling him good bye in my way, and by wishing him to lead an honest life, as he was dishonest with me.

But I told him that I am closing this chapter without caring it on in my future and that the beautiful pages of this chapter that we wrote together will stay with me.

 

The letter is very powerful and straight to the point and very obvious that I am done and do not wish to hear from him ever or to see him again, as this chapter will be forever close now.

 

After I pressed sent, I felt like a basket ball was sitting in my stomach, so I decided to mediate and feel my feelings and pain. I spend the night alone, I closed my eyes and tried to remember all our laughter, all our joy, trips, days, nights, tears, trips, fights…all of them… and it was great,, I lived each moment all over again but this time without any regret, I had a smile on my face, because I learned and shared so much with him, and mostly because I had loved him and he had loved me back for theses years and that love was great to me. Then after a few hours, after reviewing each moment spent with him, I felt as if the book was closing… I actually visualized a huge book with dust on it and it was closing.

 

As I saw visualized this, I realized that this chapter was finally closed, I had a great time, I learned so much, I loved so much and nothing that I regret!

I feel relived, I have not forgiven him or forgot him but he is just now, a great piece of my past. And I no longer hold on to the end, I only think of what we shared… like a blast from the past!

 

I feel free, it'd true. I will miss him most likely always, but I am no longer sad about it, I am no longer waitting or holding to it. I have let go. Pressing send was like the beginning of my new life and there is no going back or looking back anymore.

 

I am happy, it feels weird when I think about it, but this is t he best thing I have done for myself only and not for him. Maybe he wouldn't even read it, maybe he'll never receive it… but non of it matters, as for me the chapter is now CLOSED.

 

 

I Want to thank you all for ur support and wish that you will all get the closure that you are seeking for, but know that you have the power of getting this closure inside of you. It's up to you.

 

Ok so here's some updates about me

Love to all

[mtastic]

tristesse,

 

Thast great news. I'm happy for you, and I'm sure everyone else is as well. Its good to see a positve post about resolution every once in a while. It gives me hope that sometime in the future I'll be ableto completely get over my past relationship.

 

Good luck in your next chapter,

mtastic

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

Be careful!

 

I'm always skeptal of the one day "I'm healed!" posts. The way it shoudl work is each day you wake up you hurt a little less until one day you don't hurt at all.

 

Maybe you have much, much more mature psychological defense mechanisms than the rest of us. Or you could be creating a reaction:

 

Learn more about "reaction formation" here

link removed

 

I'm not saying this is not possible. But most people who can get over someone in a blink of an eye miss out on an important part of the greiving process. Most on here will SLOWLY forget about their ex.

 

But it is good news either way.

[Scout]

Hmmm...my take was that this was not an overnight process for her and that she was slowly internalizing these thoughts on a subconscious level for some time. The proverbial "light bulb" just finally lit up!!

 

At any rate, Tristesse, I do think you are firmly on the path to healing. I am so, so happy to hear this. Yes, you will have a few little "waves" of sadness that will wash over you at times - but that's just it: they will wash over you and continue on. And you'll notice they will happen less and less.

 

- Scout

[kungfumaster]

Hi Tristesse,

 

Thank you for your beautiful post. It was like you took the words out of my mouth. I had a warm feeling in my heart when I read your post. I thank you very much.

 

I am happy you have gotten closure by yourself. In my case, we broke off without a goodbye too. It is hard, but you have done it. I know how hard it is. Congratulations.

 

I had a similar self enlightment about 3 days ago. My ex's birthday was on Tuesday, and I sent her a birthday card. I had finally broken no contact AFTER 9 MONTHS - ouch. But, I have no regrets. Its so weird, but I know how you feel - you don't care - I don't care too. I sent her a birthday card not only for her, but for myself too. I needed some closure. It was my way of saying to her, and saying to myself, hey, we did not work out, but I still thank you for the two years we shared together - two good years, despite our fights and downs. Two good years where I felt I was happy to be her rock, her boyfriend, her support, her confidant, and her lover. Two good years of growth, of learning, of happy times and bad times.

 

For me, the enlightenment has been sort of gradual. Everyday that has passed by after I sent the card, I feel like I am gaining myself back - I am gaining my life back, although it is still a hard life, with or without her. But I am slowly realizing, and have come to the acceptance that we are over. I have in the weeks before I sent her the card, been able to look at all our old photos without crying - I couldn't believe it myself. Instead, I remember them now, with a bit of sadness, followed by - wow - I remember that time, and that was such a happy time. I will forever remember those times, now, with fondness, instead of devastating grief.

 

As I sit here now, writing this post, I have a feeling a heavy feeling in my heart now, not because of the loss of the relationship, but because of the life I am about to embark on now, a life starting anew. I am kind of scared to be honest, but I know, whatever happens, it will be okay. I wish you good luck too, as you begin your new life.

 

Take care Tristesse, and God bless.

Kung fu

[vimora]

Hey Kung Fu,

 

Remember me from the thread on the 23 year old asian guy treated like a 13 year old by his parents? Anyway, you know what? I've broken up with my boyfriend of almost 3 years, yes it has just happened recently.

 

I'm at that anger and resentment stage now, the crying and extreme pain part is sorta passed. My b-day is on saturday I had been his girlfriend during my 21st and 22nd b-day and now for 23 I won't see him. I feel sad about it, but your post has given me some hope and I really hope to be able to look back at the pictures and think back at the memories and remember fondly and with less sadness and no more anger.

 

Anyway, thx.

[tristesse]

kungfumaster

 

I am so touched by your kind words. My friend you can do it. LIfe is full of surprises and Fear is a fake evidence appearing real.

You can do it my friend.

Lots of love