champagne69 Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I'm a virgin as is my boyfriend but only being 18 we haven't been in a rush to have sex, we both wanted me to be on the pill and I only got on that about a month ago, and have always just agreed that it'll happen when it happens. The other night however, we did try, he had given me oral for quite some time beforehand, which nearly every single time he gives me oral sex I orgasm at least once. I was well self lubricated, we also used plenty of lube, but with a lot of patience he couldn't get his penis in. Which the mood was good, we were completely alone, and he took it really slow, when I let him actually try harder, I had a lot of pain, but he says he thinks the head of the penis went in? I dunno, but I also think that the angle of my body probably wasn't the best because when I got frustrated and we gave up I fingered myself and realised the angle in which he was pushing it in was just forcing into a mass of muscle. What's the best angle/position for losing your virginity? I am very tight, I've done a lot of research and wondered if I was 'too tight' and would need a dilator or something but I've read those women who are that extremely tight cannot even insert a finger? I can comfortably be fingered with one finger, two of my fingers also fine, two of my boyfriends fingers however it does get a bit uncomfortable and a little painful around the opening of the vagina but with lube it's fine. So seeming as my boyfriend can finger me with two fingers I'm hoping there isn't some condition I have? Any advice on this, I am keen to eventually have sex one day, I don't expect it to be without pain the first few times, but I just want to figure this out, it makes me feel pretty down when we're designed to reproduce and I can't even get a penis inside my vagina ha. Link to comment
Bryyo003 Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 I know exactly where you are in your situation. I am a 19 year old guy and have been with my girlfriend for 8 months now (i am in love with her and can see myself spending my life with her). BUT! She is really tight. Sounding very similar to yourself. It took us quite some time to have sex properly. But that is the point, you guys really have to take your time, it took us a while. As long as you both understand that this will take time, you will be fine. You are right, it will happen when it happens. My girlfriend always has to be on top for me to get it in properly. Waist to waist. But most importantly, you really have to have the right mood. Really build up to it Seriously though, it gets better. After a few times, it gets a lot easier, i promise. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 I think your problem has more to do with your boyfriend's inexperience that your tightness. Take things slowly and communicate with each other. Try to avoid frustration because afterall, this is supposed to be fun! Running thoughts in your mind that you have a defective v-jay will not help your confidence. Remember, he is losing his virginity as well, so he is learning as he goes just as you are. Link to comment
champagne69 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 As long as you both understand that this will take time, you will be fine. You are right, it will happen when it happens. My girlfriend always has to be on top for me to get it in properly. Waist to waist. But most importantly, you really have to have the right mood. Really build up to it Okay thankyou so much! You have no idea how much it means to hear this from somehow else in the same position as me. Actually also really good to hear it from the male side. I knew it would take time, I was just scared it would never happen. But you've shed some light so thankyou very much. Goodluck in the future with your girl Link to comment
champagne69 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 I think your problem has more to do with your boyfriend's inexperience that your tightness. I never really thought about it that way. We do communicate really well in bed, it's just whenever I show pain, he stops because he doesn't want to hurt me. Even if I try holding back that I'm showing pain, stop myself from saying 'ow' etc, he can still tell. But we just need to be consistant. Running thoughts in your mind that you have a defective v-jay will not help your confidence. Exactly, and that's how I've felt since then, but I'm hoping that that is not the case! Link to comment
Betweenthebars Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Try buying actual lube. Silicone based is better than water based. I haven't been a virgin for over 8 years and sex with my husband is still uncomfortable at first, so we use either JO or Pink silicone based lube. Good luck Link to comment
Mesemene Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 You can also have him use something like one of the KY massage/touch oils and gently massage/finger and slightly stretch you before he tries actual penetration with his penis. If two of his fingers gets "uncomfortable" have him use one, and gently stretch moving to two until it's not so uncomfortable - when you're relaxed with it, you should be well lubricated and a bit more relaxed muscle wise. Link to comment
Gennevieve Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Please be aware that when he does eventually penetrate, it may still hurt for the first few tries. I felt pain myself the first 5 times my ex and I made love. Without getting too personal, may I suggest that you and your guy's body types may have an impact in this situation? My ex was a big dude and I'm well curvy myself. Even though I lost my virginity in the standard missionary position, it was deeply uncomfortable for me. (Also, my ex had more width than length, so that made it difficult as well.) I was once given the advice to put a pillow under your butt. This raises your hips and changes the angle of your body - it may help guide him into you more effectively. Hope this helps, and good luck! Link to comment
champagne69 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 Without getting too personal, may I suggest that you and your guy's body types may have an impact in this situation? My ex was a big dude and I'm well curvy myself. Even though I lost my virginity in the standard missionary position, it was deeply uncomfortable for me. (Also, my ex had more width than length, so that made it difficult as well.) I was once given the advice to put a pillow under your butt. This raises your hips and changes the angle of your body - it may help guide him into you more effectively. Hope this helps, and good luck! I'm very small, 5"2 but extremely skinny, only weigh about 40kg. So I have pretty narrow hips, which don't know if that has any relation to vaginal size. My partner on the other hand, is quite tall, but he is also extremely skinny, so I dunno it works out pretty well. And thanks for the advice using the pillow, might try it out the next time we try Link to comment
champagne69 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 You can also have him use something like one of the KY massage/touch oils and gently massage/finger and slightly stretch you before he tries actual penetration with his penis. If two of his fingers gets "uncomfortable" have him use one, and gently stretch moving to two until it's not so uncomfortable - when you're relaxed with it, you should be well lubricated and a bit more relaxed muscle wise. I've had him finger me quite a few times, is there any advice you can give on using fingers to stretch the muscles? I'm not a fan of masturbation myself, in fact I've never actually enjoyed any sexual activities until I did them with my current boyfriend, we have a really good emotional connection and if I don't have that, then nothing feels good. But yeah I'm willing to find ways to stretch myself in my own alone time so that when the time comes it's even the littlest less bit painful. Link to comment
Mesemene Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Use lubrication, even for fingering (either you doing it or him), go easy, and stretch to "feeling tight" but don't push to the point of it getting actually uncomfortable. Don't want to chance irritating or tearing any tissues there, so listen to your body and take your time. Link to comment
champagne69 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 Yeah with lubrication I can do two fingers comfortably, it's just the opening of the vagina where it gets painful. Which brings me to another question, once the penis has entered like, an inch or so, does it hurt more or less as the penis penetrates deeper. Sorry for the questions, I guess I just want to know as much as I can so I know what to expect and therefore can relax more. Link to comment
Mesemene Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Only the first three inches or so of the vagina have much in the way of sensation. Past that, you'll still feel him sliding into the entrance, and the first time may be painful since you're stretching, then STAYING stretched with a bit of friction, but inside the only thing you should feel is maybe a brief pain if your hymen is intact, and if he's very long, maybe having to adjust so he doesn't "bottom out" if you feel him contact your cervix (as long as he's not pounding, it'll just be a bit of pressure in there, you'll know to tell him to ease off). It might sound odd, but think of it like breaking in that new pair of leather dress shoes. First day if you try to walk a mile, you'll have blisters - but if you wear them a little each day, they'll stretch and be a lot more comfortable! Link to comment
champagne69 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 Thankyou very much. I'm not really worried about the pain, I know it will hurt but it's something I know I have to be dedicated to give it time. Just wish it could be easy and just slide on in the first time! Link to comment
delphi88 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I had this problem too, what worked for me was (in missionary) pulling my legs up really high, so like pulling my knees towards my shoulders. For some reason that made it easier, it changed the angle. Link to comment
greywolf Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 There was a time when I thought there must be something wrong with me because having intercourse was such a huge ordeal. With my girlfriend, one finger hurt, but we managed to eventually get me comfortable with two. Then I got with a guy, and it took us a few days before it'd even fit inside, and a couple weeks for it to stop hurting (most of the time). But it also took me a year for tampons to stop hurting, so I'm just odd. Link to comment
champagne69 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 Just wanted to say thankyou to all of you guys for your advice! I really thought we would have to keep at it for a while and that the light at the end of the tunnel wouldn't be seen for months. However, last night, my boyfriend and I both gave our virginities to each other. It was painful going in, not enough to bring a tear to my eye, too much to hide it, but after a while it got better, really bearable. Seemed the deeper he penetrated the more I enjoyed it and felt pleasure which took my mind of the pain. It was however really awkward with the positioning. At first we did missionary, but he's a lot taller than me and there was only one angle in which I could get his penis in. When we were getting really into it though, I obviously was relaxing more and could move around a bit. But ah just biggest relief. So thankyou guys so much. Link to comment
pcdoctor Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Glad to hear that things went well. I just wish that more people would post success stories like this though. Link to comment
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