Is Ex showing regret?

[MrBrightside15]

I'm not sure if this is the correct forum, but it's close enough. My girlfriend of 4 years, whom I had an apartment with, and I broke up last January. I chased after her for several months; staying in contact and being okay with my place in the 'friend zone', thinking it was a necessary step to eventually getting her back. She started seeing someone else two weeks after we broke up. At certain points, I'd muster up enough courage to go NC. First, it was a week long, then the next time a month long. Both times ended with the two of us having a heart to heart, her expressing her feelings for me - that she's really missed me, me getting my hopes up, and then getting my heart broken all over again.

 

I finally got enough sense in me to stop the cycle and just move on, or at least try. Complete NC wasn't really possible because we have the same group of friends, and avoiding her would mean avoiding my friends completely. So, though I have seen her from time to time throughout the last several months, I haven't actually had a conversation with her of any substance since the beginning of June.

 

Recently, I realized that I was the one who put down the security deposit on the apartment we had together, which she now lives in. I confronted her and told her, very nicely, that I would like that money back. She said she would get it to me. It took awhile, and a couple of texts from me reminding her, but last night she finally wrote me a check when we were both were at a friends'. I hadn't seen her in a couple months, and she was very quiet, but very interested in me. I didn't give her much, not knowing what her mindset was. I finally deleted her as my FB friend about a month ago, which she has to have noticed by now.

 

She left before I did, and after she left I texted her and said "Thank you for the money. I really appreciate it." It was the first time I'd texted her in months. She texted back with the following: "You're welcome. Despite everything that's happened between us you know I still love you and that I don't want to be a bad part of your life. It was nice to see you tonight." I didn't text back.

 

She's still dating this other guy, but all appearances suggest that it's a very empty relationship, and according to my friends, she's told them that her boyfriend doesn't treat her very well.

 

Idk what my exact question is. I guess I'm just looking for anyone's thoughts on the situation. I think she's made it clear that she's missed me, but does that mean anything? Is there something I should do, or just forget about it and continue as I was?

[learning2relax]

Continue as you are. Remember, she is with someone else. Let it be. It is nice to hear that she misses you I am sure, but don't backslide by over analyzing it and trying to start again with trying to get her back.

 

If you were in a relationship with her, would you appreciate her ex before you attempting to try and get her back? Whether the relationship with this guy is good or not, not your problem. She is not yours to save. She is a big girl and can make her own decisions and choices. She has to live with them just like the rest of us.

 

Stay on the high road that you are on and keep moving forward. That is what I say......

[DN]

Sorry but I don't think that was a sign of regret but just wanting to be nice.

[EgoJoe]

I agree with DN. Made kudos for getting your money. Be cold, distant and commanding if she contacts again.

 

You're not her friend or backup plan. You deserve better.

[MarnDark]

She sounds a bit like my ex, we also had a heart to heart after she started dating a new guy. I bet it made your heart flutter a bit when you read "I still love you", here's the main thing you need to remember though. She's sleeping with someone else tonight.

 

The words don't hold any value. You seem to be doing good though. Keep it up!

[MrBrightside15]

UPDATE:

I took everybody's advice here and just tried to forget about the events of that night, and move on.

 

However, today, Monday, two days after I saw my ex for the first time in months, I get a text from her. I didn't expect to hear from her at all, but I woke up from a nap and was shocked to find a message from her on my phone.

 

It said "So are we to the point where we can talk to each other? Or is it a waste of my time to try?" She's not the type to just text me up like this on a whim for fun. This would've been a big deal for her, to message me like this.

 

I didn't see it until an hour later, but I responded with "You're still with [Her new boyfriend], aren't you?"

 

She replies "Yes."

 

Then I work up some pride and tell her "Then no, probably not. Like I've said before, I can't just be your friend. It's too hard. If there's something you need to talk about, I'll listen." (I hate having this kind of conversation via text, by the way, but it is what it is).

 

She then says "I understand. I miss you sometimes. Maybe someday we can talk. But I won't bother you."

 

Now I'm reeling. As great as it feels to know that I'm obviously on her mind, I hate being back in this state of mind. I don't know what to do. What does she mean by 'maybe someday we can talk'? Perhaps it's time for another heart to heart? Maybe she's got something to say, but won't do it if I'm at all opposed to seeing her? Advice?

[EgoJoe]

If you haven't responded to her "maybe someday we can talk" I think now is the time to say, "No."

 

She knows you can't just be friends and she probably thinks she could get you back if she tried hard enough. Probably issues in her new relationship and she's seeking outside comfort. You need to remove that. Even telling her you can't be friends and why shows her that it's because you have feelings and thats a boost.

 

Call it the "pulling out the rug" or the net or removing yourself off of her backburner.

[DN]

Assume she won't be coming back and move on. And don't entertain any overtures while she is with the new guy.

[Mellie]

She's with someone else. You did right to make that point. And while she is with someone else, what is there to discuss?

 

She got together with someone else 2 weeks after a 4 year relationship? You lived together? You know, the cynic in me says that she had the new guy already lined up when she broke up with you. Maybe things aren't so peachy with the other guy and she's plotting to do the same thing to him? Or at least have someone lined up as a crash mat, just in case?