When did you guys have the talk?

[gluestick]

This is something I'm just curious about, but how long into your relationship or past relationships did you and your SO start talking about whether if you both see a future with one another and if marriage is a possible future?

 

As women have biological clocks, I think most of us would want to know if the person we're dating sees a future with us, especially if we see a future with them. No one wants to be in a dead-end relationship or date a person for a few years only to hear them say they don't believe in marriage. I know there are plenty of men and women alike who are perfectly fine with no marriage, but I'm not one of those people. I value and believe in marriage and family life and wouldn't want to waste my time dating people I see no future with.

 

I've only been in one serious relationship with my ex-bf. He was my first love and I believe we started talking about marriage after dating for 1 to 1.5 years. He kept telling me marriage was stupid and that he'd never get married and we used to get into fights over this as I take it to mean a dead-end relationship with no future. His view on marriage eventually changed throughout the course of 4 years together.

 

How long into your relationship or past relationships did you and your SO start talking about commitment, future, marriage, etc and were you on the same page or shared the same beliefs? This is all regardless if the relationship worked out or not.

[Mesemene]

Some of that is going to depend on age. When you're in college, for example, it seems there's all the time in the world to live in the moment, and not even go there except to possibly plan on which city to move to career wise.

 

When you get into the 25-30 range seems to be when most people start really considering how long they want to invest before making sure they're on the same page, long term. And even then it's likely to vary a lot depending on just where people feel they're "at" in life.

 

In my early 20's, it was about 2 years before we even discussed long term possible plans. My second marriage, we started approaching the subject around the 8 month mark or so (in my mid 30's).

[OptomisticGirl]

I was 21 when I met my fiance and he was 25. Marriage was pretty much discussed before we even started dating because neither one of us wanted to get involved in something if the other didn't want that as a end result. Neither of us were interested in putting notches on our bed posts or felt like we had to 'live it up' in our 20's before settling down so it was one of the very first talks we had.

[Fudgie]

I've always been looking for marriage but no kids. I've made this very clear, like within the first few contacts. If a guy tells me that he doesn't want to get married and/or he wants kids, I'm done. He's no longer an option.

 

Like OG, I discussed all long term options up front. I don't want to waste my time with a relationship if I know that we aren't compatible for the long term. I don't see myself getting married for a long while though. With my current boyfriend and I, I've known for years that we are compatible but we also made sure that we were on the same page in terms of future goals, future locations, and timeframe (if we marry, it won't be until years down the road, but we would want to live together for years prior).

[Snuggly]

He told me on the first date that he was looking for a relationship, at 2 weeks he asked for exclusive rights and by week 4 we agreed to spend our lives together. Maybe too fast? But it was just so perfect and we are very happy. I was married before, we got engaged after 10 weeks. I guess I am just the marrying kind lol