MarnDark Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Hi, I don't know if this even deserves it's own thread. I just want to rant I guess. Last night I had a dream that my ex and I reconciled. I woke up and felt just like I was back to square one. On top of missing her I keep thinking about her with this new guy. I cannot believe that she replaced me so quickly. I have never felt so much anger before in my life. Every time I think of her being held by that guy I get this indescribable anger. I want to punch the nearest solid object. When does it get better? Short details, we were together 16 months, friends for 8 months before, broke up 6 weeks ago. Both in early 20s. I was her first love. Dumped me because of GIGS. Met and started dating her new guy in less than 3 weeks. I hate feeling like this. I hate the fact that I have to call my parents everyday like a little kid just to feel better about myself. I am so thankful for my friends but I really do have to force myself to be with them even if I don't really want to. I still hope and fantasize. I don't want to, I know it's unhealthy. I want to let go but I still love her so much and I invested so much into the relationship. Every part of me was hers and I never once thought about leaving her. I was such a damn good boyfriend to her and never treated her wrong. I still think all day about one day getting with her again. I don't know how to stop it, I don't know how to let go. She's sleeping with another guy and I still can't let go. Even if the perfect girl came around today I know that I couldn't and wouldn't be fit for a relationship. It sucks that she was ready immediately and it may take me months until I can even consider dating. I have been doing things to try and get back myself. Gym, martial arts, activities, joined random clubs, and seeing a therapist. I've been NC for only 10 days now but I go to the same school as her and have seen her from afar. It kills me every time. I am relapsing now, I don't know why. I felt I was doing well. I am just afraid of how long this feeling will last. Thanks for reading this unnecessary rant. Link to comment
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