Thought I Was Doing Better.

[MarnDark]

Hi,

 

I don't know if this even deserves it's own thread. I just want to rant I guess.

 

Last night I had a dream that my ex and I reconciled. I woke up and felt just like I was back to square one. On top of missing her I keep thinking about her with this new guy. I cannot believe that she replaced me so quickly. I have never felt so much anger before in my life. Every time I think of her being held by that guy I get this indescribable anger. I want to punch the nearest solid object. When does it get better?

 

Short details, we were together 16 months, friends for 8 months before, broke up 6 weeks ago. Both in early 20s. I was her first love. Dumped me because of GIGS. Met and started dating her new guy in less than 3 weeks.

 

I hate feeling like this. I hate the fact that I have to call my parents everyday like a little kid just to feel better about myself. I am so thankful for my friends but I really do have to force myself to be with them even if I don't really want to. I still hope and fantasize. I don't want to, I know it's unhealthy. I want to let go but I still love her so much and I invested so much into the relationship. Every part of me was hers and I never once thought about leaving her. I was such a damn good boyfriend to her and never treated her wrong. I still think all day about one day getting with her again. I don't know how to stop it, I don't know how to let go. She's sleeping with another guy and I still can't let go. Even if the perfect girl came around today I know that I couldn't and wouldn't be fit for a relationship. It sucks that she was ready immediately and it may take me months until I can even consider dating.

 

I have been doing things to try and get back myself. Gym, martial arts, activities, joined random clubs, and seeing a therapist. I've been NC for only 10 days now but I go to the same school as her and have seen her from afar. It kills me every time. I am relapsing now, I don't know why. I felt I was doing well. I am just afraid of how long this feeling will last. Thanks for reading this unnecessary rant.

[In the Dark]

If there is one thing which can happen in a relationship, it's that we forget who we are.

Say if we are in a relationship where we are the only ones supporting the stability of it.

We end up changing ourselves beyond who we truly are to cater to the whims of the one we love just to keep them at arms length.

 

Depending on how much you loved your ex and how she behaved post break up, it could take you a fair amount of time to stop hurting, stop the dreams, stop the rollercoaster of emotions.

 

You are lucky to have friends who are there for you.

I didn't.

 

None the less I eventually picked myself up.

[paulod]

Rant away mate that's what we're all here for! it's not easy when you have to see them, makes it so much worse... but then again, in my opinion it makes you so much stronger! You are doing great, it does and it will get better, keep busy with your friends, be good to YOU and try (and it is very hard) put her to one side if you can, she's with someone else... nothing you can do about that, leave her to it. No point in being angry either, it does no good, turn it into positive energy.. you feel angry, go for a jog or be creative with something, do the housework OR just go get some junk food! but being angry will do no good whatsoever, it just leads to all sort of probems. Chin up my friend, take it one day at a time. You can do it!!!

 

P

[MarnDark]

Thank you all for the replies. Like I said, I know my personal grieving doesn't really deserve it's own thread but it is nice to hear from people.

 

The thing is, I've been in two back to back relationships for the past 4 years, before then I was not much more than a depressed teenager, I admit that I used my girlfriends as an emotional crutch for all of my problems. (Had an emotional affair with my recent ex when my first ex and I were about to break up) I never learned to confide my problems into my friends and family, it is a great thing that I am learning to do now. I'm 21, so I've never really had the chance to define myself as a single adult. My entire adult life has pretty much been defined by my past two relationships. I was always that guy with the girlfriend to all my friends, now I have to learn how to be on my own as I have never done so before.

 

In all reality, I do realize that I am lucky to at least be at school where I have an opportunity to meet new people still. I dunno what it is about the mornings that bring me down entirely. I guess it's a chemical imbalance or something in the brain. I am truly thankful for every new day though, it means one day closer to healing, happiness, and my future girlfriend/wife.

[symbiot]

Oh man that sounds a lot like my story.I hate those damn dreams. She comes to me everynight. I hope I'm coming to hers everynight just to be fair.

[beacon]

Embrace the feeling and realize that you are feeling because you are alive, well and normal. If you are in school, you have more opportunities than many people, including me. There are new experiences everywhere and you have to focus on what you want out of those. This is a great beginning. Live.

[oO pd Oo]

Sounds very similar to what I'm going through. I poured my heart and soul into a young girl (she's 22... I'm 26) and despite nothing bad happening between us, she ended it. Like your scenario, she was with another guy in 3 weeks. All I had left was love for her, pain, and sadness. That was 4 months ago. Yes... thinking about them together still hurts like hell and, this is going to sound stupid to you because its so fresh on your mind, but eventually you start thinking about her less and less. It's a very gradual thing. Some weeks are good, some are bad. Some days are good, some are bad.

 

The best thing you can do, is accept that its going to take awhile for you to heal. It's one of those time heals all things... even though your brain wants to let her go, your heart is still in the process of doing so (the heart usually operates on a lag when emotional pain is involved--especially when deep connections are there). When you feel bad, accept it--knowing that it will eventually pass. When you feel good, embrace it. As a 21 year old, it might not be easy for you to let that anger and resentment go, but the longer you hold on to it, the longer you hold on to her. Forgive her. Forgive yourself. Over time, the pain will dull... and then go away. Until then, try not to beat yourself up about it. Be patient with yourself. 2 steps forward and 1 step back still results in 1 step forward.

[MarnDark]

PD, sorry to hear about your situation. I think there is some happiness to know that we did nothing wrong as part of the relationship but at the same time it hurts to know that. For a long time she reciprocated the love I gave her, but the honeymoon period died and she could not handle it. I cannot wait to meet the girl that will truly mirror my affection.

 

Yeah, it's all so fresh that it is still hard to not be mad or not still want her. I've never been a very patient person so I guess this is virtue I will have to acquire through all this.

 

Just want to post something I just saw. I'm sitting outside on a bench, I'm really doing nothing but people watching. It's also probably one of the last nice weather days I will experience for some time. A mini van pulled up near me. This family got out, the mother was holding a little girl and the father was holding the hands of a little boy and patting his head. They walked past me. It must be since I'm so emotionally vulnerable right now but they just looked so happy and I almost shed a tear because of just how happy they looked. Of course, I envisioned that with my ex. I wanted that so badly. One day I will get that though, not with her but someone better than her. I have a lot of years to go, but I want that kind of happiness and I know I will get it someday.

 

Ok, wow. Just about to submit this reply and I just saw a freaking gorgeous girl that seriously made look away because she was that good looking. That is always a really really good feeling just knowing that I am indeed attracted to other girls!