She's in love with her new bf, am I doomed?

[otrebla]

Hello.

Please, please reply.

I saw my ex yesterday, she brought the relationship to conversation, I didn't and she said if it's ok that we hang up sometimes as she doesn't want to leave all our great memories in the past, and asked me if I have hope that we'll get back together, I said I don't have hope but I have faith, she said that she never gets back, that this is not a game. she said her new boyfriend fills her expectations. Finally she said she want to be my friend and I said: I'm gonna ask you once more, do you want to be my girlfriend again? she said I can't, and then asked me if I want to be her friend, I said I couldn't be her friend right now.

But I called in the night and told her I accept, I'm gonna be her friend, although it's gonna be hard for me.

I can control my emotions now, but I assume she's in love now and I don't know if I'll be able to move on while seeing her, I don't want to be her friend forever, help me to make things clear please.

Thank you.

[light bulb]

My reasoning for starting NC was to avoid situations like this (along w/ other hurtful situations). I don't even want to begin to imagine how I'd feel if I found out my ex was with somebody else. I know I'd be devastated.

 

I think the best thing for you would be to pull away and not contact her anymore. If she contacts you, tell her not to do so anymore b/c it's too much for you to handle emotionally. It's your time to heal now...don't extend the pain anymore than you have to.

[avman]

You want to be friends with her for the wrong reason. You are still hoping she comes back to you and thats going to be painful and frustrating for you. Trying to be friends in a situation like that is really tough.

 

If you have come to terms with the fact that she's gone for good and she has somebody else, then you could be friends. But I don't get the feeling you are nearly there. I'd really suggest you take some space for awhile to heal. You aren't going to like having to face her with a new boyfriend in her life.

[edougale]

My ex is also dating another girl now and said he cares about her. He also said I could be friends only with him which I agreed to because I felt any time with him was better than no time. When I am around him, I try to be happy and upbeat but as soon as I leave him, I fall to pieces and cry like a baby. Just wanted to tell you this to let you know, this will not be a cakewalk for you. It is next to impossible to stay friends with someone you love as much as I love this guy. I am trying to convince myself I HAVE to stay away from him and not be just a friend. I know I will be in for a world of hurt once I stay away completely but I think it is the only way to keep ourselves from going totally insane. Just a little advice to you, if you see your ex on a friendship basis, it won't be good.

[JT]

Its best to let this go. Stop the contact with your ex. Now that you guys know your ex's are seeing other people and in some cases in love, its gonna tear you apart even more. Its best to not even ask friends how they are doing. Deep down your ex and friends know you care, but dont want to open up old wounds.

 

I'll put it to ya this way.. you have to change "People, Places and Things". Worked to help get me off of drugs, and helped me to move on from my last relationship, both of which became life threatening circumstances.

 

Take my advice; the sooner you do, the sooner you move on.

[Chandler]

Wow, her saying that "her new boyfriend fills her expectations" was kind of a hurtful thing to say...ouch.

 

Sorry to hear about your situation. I agree too that you are wanting to be friends for the wrong reason.

 

I was in a similar situation. We broke up, she got a new bf, I started NC. She would call every few weeks or so just to catch up. I tried to remain friends with her even though I told myself that it was over, but deep down inside, I hoped that things would not work out with her new guy and maybe if we were still friends, we could work things out again.

 

I realize now that I wanted to be friends for the wrong reason because now that I am over her, I could really care less if we are friends or not. I don't think guys really want to be friends with girls just to be friends.

[otrebla]

Thank you all for your great advices!!, thank you people. you all are right, and sometimes I try to see things the optimistic way, even when I once saw her kissing him I was fooling myself thinking she wasn't enjoying the kiss.

Yes, I accepted to be friends in order to get her back, I was making plans to make her fall in love with me again...

Oatmeal, I know, I was trying to make nc forever, but she called at 7:00 AM, while I was still sleeping, cause she wanted to see me, I don't know why I agreed.

avman, you put things in a hard but true perspective, I needed it, thanks.

edougale, it hurts for me too. But let's hope we can make it, I won't contact her.

JT, thank you for your suggested book, I'm looking for helping books, I've just read Herman Hesse's "Steppen Wolf" and it was great, I'm kinda steppen wolf. I'm gonna read your suggestion.

Yes Chandler, it's a hurtful thing she said, she's been treating me like garbage and I don't know why, I'm not trying to put myself as a martyr, but she's having a bad attitude towards me, I think the same about boys wanting to be "friends" with beautyful girls, she even said that, yet she offered me friendship.

Thank you for opening my eyes and giving me support towards my healing process, I need it.

[nicholascrack]

Otrebla,

 

It looks to be tough right now. A lot of people have told you to let go, which is good advice. I'm not trying to give you false hope, but a similar situation happened with me.

 

My ex and I had been together for a long time. I began to change once I started hanging with my crew and working with them. We split up, but once I got arrested, we basically reconciled and started falling in love.

 

One night I went to a bar. She had said she was having a girls' night out. I saw her there with a group of guys and was obviously angry. I felt cheated and insulted. I threw a drink at her and yelled, "I slept with you four nights ago," just not in those words. The next night, she was at a different bar when I ran into her. I approached her and said I wanted to talk, but her new guy said, "She doesn't want to talk to you, allright?" I was floored. I was devestated. Three years and this is how she chose to tell me? By having me see her at the bar with the guy?

 

Her and this guy were together for a few weeks. They got physical very quickly. Her profile on MSN said that "My new BF is the best in the world..." and all these other things. I was so hurt. She said that this new guy made her happy, spent all this time with her. I was really upset that she went on his bike. The whole reason I never bought a bike was because she said she would never go on it. I wanted a bike so bad! Anyways, the new guy fools around with her and decides he wants HIS ex girlfriend back. So now she is left with nothing. That's when I called her.

 

Now we hang out almost every day and say, "I love you," after every conversation. But those events are not easy to get over. I waited a year before I even touched her breast! She waited a week before she got naked with this guy. That's what hurts the most. I feel so bitter, it is still a very sensitive subject.

 

The point is, sometimes things look bad. Your ex might be so quick to try to forget about you that they throw caution and morals to the wind. Be prepared to move on. If they don't work out, be there as a friend to catch her when she falls. That's all you can do. If you have faith in the love the two of you had, just be patient. In the meantime, work out, hang out with other girls. Have a little fun, man. You've had a rough time. Ease up and live life a little. Trust me, it will help. Do what you love.

 

Keep your head up, playa. Start moving forward, and if it's meant to be, it'll be. Only time will tell.

 

N.

[otrebla]

Hello Nicholas, thanks for your advice, I was thinking about your posts a few days ago and waiting to see what's going on with your situation, because it's kinda the same thing, when we hang out, she holds my hand and sometimes hugs me, but when she said those terrible things to me, she was not upset, she seemed clearly confident in what she said, so cold, not trying to make me feel jealous, I would never say such hurting things. , also, she wants to burn bridges, because she says she never comes back, that this is not a game(?). Now I only want to be apart from her, very, very apart, maybe 4 months to clear my mind, I won't contact her until christmas. I'll take this as if she's gone for good, and I hope to notice if they don't work out. We can never give up on what we love.

Only time will tell...

I'm moving on, I laugh a lot and have fun, and I'm looking for a new girl.

But she just have to call to bring down all my progress.

Anyway. Thank you Nicholas, you've given me a good time, and keep doing this good job with your girl, I know it's just a question of time to get the mature fruit from the tree.

 

And excuse my bad english.

 

 

[DragonGirl724]

this is gonna be a very blunt reply...sorry. no offense.

 

 

the F-bomb....FRIEND...friends.... u guys are not gonna be friends, face it. u cant be in love with your friend, so dont try to be. u are jus goin along w/ it all b/c u think itll bring her back. dont do it. she cant have her cake & eat it too. your feelings are at stake once again. what is a FRIEND anyway? first of all, friends talk about bf's & gf's, u are so not gonna want to talk about her new bf so dont kid urself. & 2-> FRIENDS are there when you need them, if your sad or having a bad day or feelin crumby one night & shes out scr**ing whats his face, guess what man, she isnt stopping what shes doing to tend to you. SHE made the decision to break up with YOU, PEOPLE make a MUTUAL decision to have a relationship, but YOU make the decision if YOU choose to be friends with HER or not! & youre doing it for all the wrong reasons. dont play yourself as a fool, b/c she damn well is. she'll use you & call you up when her bf upsets her. dont mean to be harsh but dude youre a vertebrate, act like one.

 

-DG724

[otrebla]

Yeah, that's true DragonGirl.

That's why I'm gonna be apart from her 4 months or maybe forever.

I'm not fooling myself anymore, I've been improving myself this time, it's just that when she contacts me, all my progress seems to be gone, but I see it as a ship going through a storm, wind and rain can hit me, but in the end I'll arrive to a safe port.

And I'm moving house soon, and I won't give her my new phone number, as I don't like to use cell phone, the only way she'll have to contact me is via email, we have no mutual friends anymore(very weird circumstances). So it'll be easier to move on.

Thanks for your advice.

It's just that I can't help loving her.

[DragonGirl724]

you cant deny your feelings that is true, the heart wants what the heart wants. im in that same boat. see my recent post. goodluck! i know its hard.

 

-DG724