being celibate

[gialetia]

Didnt know what to put for title.

I am trying to be celibate because of a lot of various reasons.(Cheating partners. Post. chlamydia test.Failing academic wise due to distractions). Being celibate is something I want to achieve because having sex has ruined my life. Until I am married or very long term relationship I dont want to participate in any sexual activity. I have been celibate for four months now but I am starting to think about having sex and missing it. Any advice on things I should do so i can avoid going back to how my life was before??..am back on track with school and everything is going fine and I dont want to fall back into my old ways..

[WhenWillILove]

Well....how old are you? Sex has never really interfered with my academics, so to come accross a thread like this, it is a little weird. But if that's how you feel you should do it, then sure.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I looked at your last post and this is clearly a reaction to the fact that you got one STD and were very stressed about your test for HIV. It is indeed better to be cautious about who you have sex with. You mentioned in your previous post that you have had sex with 5 men. In what time frame and was it all casual with men you were just casual dating rather than in a relationship? I am not sure what the distractions were unless you were so focused on finding casual dates and sex that you weren't focused on your studies. However, at only 4 months in you are still focused on sex..so even when you are not having sex, your mind is too focussed on that rather than other things. That's where your problem lies...obsessing about sex...before it was about where you were going to find your next fix...and now it is the withdrawal symptoms because you are not getting any. In other words, you are like an addict where sex is your drug of choice. Until you stop putting sex up there as the main event in your life you will have trouble not dwelling on it..either seeking it out or missing it so badly that it consumes you like this. Keep focusing on school and focus on what you want to do after school. Find extracurricular activities that you can throw yourself into. Find other passions in life that you can focus on. Once you stop focusing on your need for sex, you may also end up making wiser choices for a partner...one who will be faithful.

[d24]

i may get booed at for this, but in my opinion sex isn't your problem, it's what happened (and who with) which was the real problem.

I think you acknowledge this, maybe in the back of your mind, but as you said, you miss it.

Celebacy on the grounds described above just seems a little... I don't know, this will sound harsh and I can't find the right word at the second ... but I'm leaning towards immature (?)

 

Take the old addage of falling off a horse. It hurts, there's trauma, but everyone says - when you're ready - get back on that horse again. Your reaction sort of seems to be 'that horse hurt me, so all horses will hurt me, therefore i must avoid all horses at all costs, even if i like horse riding'

 

there's two ways to live your life:

1) preserve yourself because you only get one shot and try to avoid getting hurt

2) go for it, everyone gets hurt, and everyone learns, and roll with the punches.

 

you're acting like a 1) - and if you're happy with that, I see no problem with celebacy.

But you like horse riding.... so.... when you're ready... get back into the 2) frame of mind

 

Also.... I just remembered now after writing this that it was about sex and not horses. I re-read what I wrote and it made me laugh so instead of deleting it I'm gunna post it and see if this cheers anyone else up hahaha

Best wishes!

[quantumst8]

Yes, don't stop riding horses. The horse likes to be rode.

[annie24]

If you miss sex, you can get a vibrator or other sex toy to help take the edge off. True, it's not a great substitute for sex, but it will do, until you are in a solid relationship and ready to have sex again.

[gialetia]

am 21..I get distracted easily..

[gialetia]

you may be right..that health scare did it for me..i think with my previous post i made it seem that that's all i think about..i just meant when i start thinking about it i will think about it for hours..not regularly though..am becoming better though.work n school are keeping me so busy that I don't have time to think about it

[DylanNotorious]

Pick better quality men.

 

Not everyone's a jerk.

[Miss Kitty]

The horse likes to be rode.

 

One of the best posts I've ever seen. Haha, I like that horse.

 

I have to agree. I don't think that sex is your problem, I think it's making choices about sex that aren't the wisest. Be careful about who you choose. Wait until you're sure he's the right one before having sex. Until then, I agree with the previous poster about the sex toys. Masturbation sucks as a substitute, but it's better than nothing. Me, I masturbate constantly because I have been waiting till I was sure that my bf is the right one. Now I am sure and we're going to have sex for the first time soon (we're both sick right now, so waiting for the antibiotics to do the job first so we can really enjoy it). Until you're ready, toys and such work ok. But I really don't think it's necessary for you to completely deny yourself if it's that hard for you. I have a very high sex drive too (I sometimes wonder if I'm addicted) so I understand trust me, the stress of trying to completely abstain is not going to help your distractions. It's going to drive you up a wall.