Started Hanging Out Again, Now What?

[Philpo82]

Hey guys,

 

I won't bore you with details but my ex and I dated for 2 years, broke up in July 2010 (she initiated it, out of the blue). I went NC and didn't plead or beg. I left it and she started contacting me online in June this year after almost a year. Slowly I reciprocated and we started emailing again. We met up a couple weekends ago for the first time, just for some sushi and a few drinks on a Friday. That led to spending much of the Sunday together which was awesome. A week went by and we text the odd message but I was trying to not contact her and let her contact me.

 

Finally I broke my resistance and called her. We met up on Sunday and I took her out for Ice-cream and we went for a walk. We chatted and things were a lot of fun. We joke and touch each other and flirt but I find her very hard to read. When I'm with her all my feelings slowly come back again and I know that she's special to me. Even after 15 months apart I don't think I've properly moved on. I know she dated someone for about 7 months whilst we were apart but I don't know what's going on now or how she feels. When I'm not with her I read posts on this site and become very paranoid about my actions. I don't know whether to go NIC again and wait for her to want to see me or if I should continue to build on this new situation we find ourselves in. I don't know whether these meet-ups are conceived as dates to her or just friends hanging out. I don't know if she feels anything for me any more or if she is just waiting to see what will happen.

 

I hope I'm not deluded in thinking that I may have a chance with her again but when I'm not with her my thoughts are running wild. Any advice or input would be greatly appreciated. I know I need to chill out but I don't know whether to be cool and wait on her actions or ask her if she has any feelings for me any more. Alternatively I could just go big and call her and ask her out on a date? That way I would make my intentions clear.

[blackhawks1287]

Well you can't dance around the issue with her. You are already hanging out with her without communicating anything about the past.

 

You just hung out, for fun, just to see, expecting what?

 

You have to have some sort of communication with her about this and not expect to do this BF/BF stuff after she broke up with you or let her use you as a time filler ya know?

[Philpo82]

I guess I wanted to see her, to see if I still felt the same way and to confirm if there was anything there from her. I believe there's still something there but not sure if she is willing to act on it in anyway. How would you broach the conversation? I'm a little clueless in this area

[blackhawks1287]

Well why did she break up with you other than the blue? Did you spend any time reflecting? Did she date this guy right away? Did she leave you for him?

 

You are setting yourself up in the same situation. You just walked out before not asking question and being aloof with her decision. Maybe she too has feelings, and wants to know why you just left and let her go.

 

Just ask her honestly and bluntly, what are you expecting, expectations, why are we doing this...

 

Don't be clueless about having an adult conversation about your life and who you want to give your time to.

[Philpo82]

Hey blackhawk,

 

My original post is here: but it's quite lengthy. Essentially I put it down to GIGS and her wanting to be young, free and independent, however now I know she got into another relationship after 3 months, I would suggest that wasn't the case. Probably more that she wanted to see what else was out there and to stop the LDR we were having. We were in a bit of a rut and I was gutless to not take a risk for her! She never expressed her feelings about the situation we were in so that's why it was a shock to me.

 

I sent her a letter after 6 weeks of NC and she replied explaining things. I did take note and reflected and realised the mistakes we had both made. There was no changing her mind, she had made her decision. That's why I left her to it.

 

I guess clueless wasn't the best way to describe why I haven't broached the subject yet. For whatever reason, I feel like that we're taking baby steps at the moment and any relationship we have at present, be it friendship or whatever, is fragile. I know I need to ask her what's going on, I just didn't know how to phrase it.