Is it too soon to be falling in love?

[SarahBeth]

So there is this guy, named Stephen, who works at the gym I go to. He is one of the "sales men"

 

I first met him when I was 16 (he was 24) but at that time I never expected anything to come of it. I thought that as soon as he met my sister he would go for her. Anyway, he moved about 2 weeks after I met him.

 

Well now, 1 year later, I go into my gym and there he was! I couldn't believe he came back. And he remembered me! Probably cause we were up for renewal, but still!

 

So over the past 4 months he has been progressively nicer and nicer to me. It started with bringing me 2 vegan cookies from this restaurant, cause he knew I was vegan. Then I brought him back one, and the very next day he brought me one. Then he found out that this guy gave me an xbox so Stephen brought me 8 games and 2 controllers to borrow until I could get some of my own. Then on Thursday he went to yoga with me at the gym when he got off. And then stayed with me until I could be picked up (which was about an hour and a half) and we watched a movie until my sister came in and got me. He has been telling me shows to watch, and let me borrow 3 movies to watch. He has been overall just really nice to me. We aren't dating by any means but I'm seriously falling in love. Ever time I think of liking another guy, he just doesn't compare. He is all I think about and get butterflies when I'm around him.

 

So I was just wondering, is it to soon to be in love? Cause I seriously feel like I am, and I'm concerned because I don't think anything will come of us and I don't want to be heartbroken.

[Moontiger]

Welcome to ENA!

 

I would say, yes this is WAY to early to be in love. At this point it infatuation.

 

Secondly, I have major concerns about a 25 year old guy going after a 17 year old. Do you know why guys in their mid-twenties go after teenage girls? Its usually because they have a maturity problem. You sound like a very smart girl so I recommend you take a step back from this and get some objective advice from 1) Your parents 2) A friends parent 3) Someone at your church 4) A school counselor. Whoever you feel comfortable with.

[Penseur]

Do you have much dating and relationship experience? You are only 17, so I assume that your experiences are probably limited. This seems like a case of infatuation to me. It is unlikely that love would develop so quickly when you haven't been intimate with him, and have only had limited interaction (assuming what you have described here is the extent of your contact with him). He very well may be interested in you, and it sounds like he is. Will the age gap pose any kind of problems that you can foresee (either with you, him, or the law)?

[SarahBeth]

Welcome to ENA!

 

I would say, yes this is WAY to early to be in love. At this point it infatuation.

 

Secondly, I have major concerns about a 25 year old guy going after a 17 year old. Do you know why guys in their mid-twenties go after teenage girls? Its usually because they have a maturity problem. You sound like a very smart girl so I recommend you take a step back from this and get some objective advice from 1) Your parents 2) A friends parent 3) Someone at your church 4) A school counselor. Whoever you feel comfortable with.

 

Yeah I guess your right. It probably is just infatuation. -_-;

 

I love that he is older than me though! I can't stand guys my age! The guys I have met that are my age are all immature and to childish for me. And I definitely think the age thing bothers him more than me because why else would he not have asked me out by now? I feel like there is something there between us and something is holding him back. Maybe it's just fear of rejection.... same reason I haven't asked him out.

 

But your 25, would you turn down a girl or stop liking her just cause she is 17? I know who his ex girlfriend was and she was 21. So I don't think its because of that.

 

I have gotten advice from my parents, my dad said he is to old for me but at the same time he likes him and thinks he is funny and nice. My mom has almost got as big of a crush on him as I do. And my sister hates him. She saw him at one of her friend's house and said he is cocky, self centered, and uses his looks to get what he wants. And he smokes. (which doesn't bother me) Even though I have never seen him out of the gym, he never came accross cocky or self-centered to me. And is always nice to me, so I go off my own personal opinion of him rather than my sister's who will probably find faults in any guy I like (she is really protective of me)

 

Thanks for replying though, I think it's infatuation too now that you mention it

 

 

Do you have much dating and relationship experience? You are only 17, so I assume that your experiences are probably limited. This seems like a case of infatuation to me. It is unlikely that love would develop so quickly when you haven't been intimate with him, and have only had limited interaction (assuming what you have described here is the extent of your contact with him). He very well may be interested in you, and it sounds like he is. Will the age gap pose any kind of problems that you can foresee (either with you, him, or the law)?

 

No I haven't had a lot of relationship experience.

 

But yeah your right, I think it is infatuation. Haha I was just thinking love at first sight, you know? Because when I saw him at 16 I felt the same way I do now when I see him. I see him mostly on Tuesday, Wednesday, and sometimes Saturday when I have yoga. So there are other interactions just none that I felt were worth mentioning.

 

Like one Tuesday one of the trainers there said, "His brain always turns to mush when you come around!" and another female trainer just said right in front of him, "He likes you!" to me. He didn't say anything and I just laughed. My dad was standing right next to me so it felt a little awkward.

 

The age gap may cause some problems in a few ways.

 

1) yes, the law. I am not *technically* legal. But I'm not entirely sure of the exact details for SC.

 

2) The stages in life we are both at. I'm still in High School. He is in and out of college and can go into bars and clubs and what not. I can't do any of that yet and I think that may cause some problems.

 

Thanks for the reply It really got me thinking >_>

[Betweenthebars]

I did some research for you. So far I've found two different answers: age of consent in SC is 14, or 16. Anyway, try beginning a friendship with him outside of a gym, get to know who he really is. That's difficult to do in a confined setting. The age difference is a bit big, yes, but that isn't always a bad thing. Just be cautious, and trust gut instincts.

[jaysmaury]

I'm sure he seems cool to you and everything, but 99% of the time when there is an older guy going for a high school chick, it just means he is a total dork among his peers his own age. When you get into your early and mid 20's you will look back and realize how lame he must have been even though you see him as super cool now.

[SarahBeth]

I did some research for you. So far I've found two different answers: age of consent in SC is 14, or 16. Anyway, try beginning a friendship with him outside of a gym, get to know who he really is. That's difficult to do in a confined setting. The age difference is a bit big, yes, but that isn't always a bad thing. Just be cautious, and trust gut instincts.

 

Thanks!! I thought the age of consent was around 16.

 

I would love to try to know him outside of the gym, but I can't ask him out. If it was just any guy I saw at a store or mall or some place like that, I would have know problem. But I just can't risk being rejected and having to see him every time I came into the gym.

 

Thanks for the advice

 

 

I'm sure he seems cool to you and everything, but 99% of the time when there is an older guy going for a high school chick, it just means he is a total dork among his peers his own age. When you get into your early and mid 20's you will look back and realize how lame he must have been even though you see him as super cool now.

 

hahahaha! I can actually see that, now that you mention it! But still. I really like his personality. And I wouldn't say he was "going for me" just because I'm in high school. I mean, he may, but I like to think he doesn't care whether I'm 17 or in my 20s. Of course I don't really know. -_-;

[Moontiger]

Hi Sarahbeth,

 

Yes, if I meet someone and found out they were 17 I would back off. The mature response for him (if he does indeed like you) would be to say, "I like you and respect you enough to know that right now the best thing is for us to just be friends. Go and have other experiences and date another people and if in a year or two we still like each other we can take it from there"

 

Also, be VERY careful with age of consent. It many states 16 is the age of consent ONLY if the other person in 3-4 years older no more than that. He could get in major trouble if anything sexual happened between you to.

 

Guys your ages do suck! Trust me on this but I think the best thing for you right now is to just have fun with life! Think about college and what kind a career you want, dont worry so much about guys.

[SarahBeth]

Huh. Really? I don't think 17 is too young though. Besides, I'll be 18 in February. Will that change so much of me that it would be socially acceptable?

 

Oh well. I honestly don't think anything will come of us anyway. I just... Ah. I like him so much

 

I already know what career I want. And fortunately for me it doesn't require college. Although, I am still going to college just to fall back on something because nothing is certain.

 

Again, thanks for the advice

[Moontiger]

Lol, here's the thing about laws of consent (I have done a fair bit of thinking on this over the years), the reason we have laws saying at what age people can and cannot do certain things because of brain development. Each area of the brain completes development at a different time in life. Your (and everyone else's) frontal lobe (this is the area of the brain that deals with decision making, planning, and being able to foresee the consequences of your actions) doesn't finish developing until your early to mid twenties. Because laws cannot be subjective as a society we have decided that by 18 MOST people have reached a maturity leave to be able to do certain things.

 

I find it all rather interesting.

 

And, yes, often the age if consent is 16 only if there is a mild age gap. So again, just be careful.

 

Good luck with everything!